


i sometimes wondered where you've gone

by awkwardedgeworth



Series: meet me halfway home [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Blood, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Tokyo Ghoul AU, Violence, potentially triggering material
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-14
Updated: 2015-06-20
Packaged: 2018-03-12 20:50:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 75,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3354854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awkwardedgeworth/pseuds/awkwardedgeworth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Akaashi Keiji used to be alive. </p><p>He used to be young at heart, going through his adolescence with an air of someone wiser than most his age, but still young nonetheless, his eyes having a particular sparkle of vitality and youth we see in others similar to his age. He used to love reading- and he still does, except now he trades large, thick book with soft spines for binders of reports, black ink contrasting greatly against the white of the page. He still very much likes nanohana plants with karashi mustard for the dressing. He still likes many things, but at his current age of 28, there is no light that can be shined into his dark eyes.</p><p>He used to be alive, but now he's called the Grim Reaper of the CCG.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Dear Mentor

**Author's Note:**

> notes: title is from glassy sky, ost of my heart because i worship that song so much it's driving me nuts.
> 
> i was watching tokyo ghoul ep 5 and then this hit me like a train- how i should write an angsty fic of feels and tears and my love for both animes. i apologize in advance. god damn it i was suppose to do my AP Bio workbook and now i've wasted three hours writing this welp.
> 
> Unbeta'd.
> 
> Edit Aug 13/17: edited the format

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> notes: title is from glassy sky, ost of my heart because i worship that song so much it's driving me nuts.
> 
> i was watching tokyo ghoul ep 5 and then this hit me like a train- how i should write an angsty fic of feels and tears and my love for both animes. i apologize in advance. god damn it i was suppose to do my AP Bio workbook and now i've wasted three hours writing this welp.
> 
> Unbeta'd.

Akaashi Keiji used to be alive. 

He used to be young at heart, going through his adolescence with an air of someone wiser than most his age, but still young nonetheless, his eyes having a particular sparkle of vitality and youth we see in others similar to his age. He used to love reading- and he still does, except now he trades large, thick book with soft spines for binders of reports, black ink contrasting greatly against the white of the page. He still very much likes nanohana plants with karashi mustard for the dressing. He still likes many things, but at his current age of 28, there is no light that can be shined into his dark eyes.

And so, it's presumed he's dead.

The office he takes command in is plain. There's just enough personality in it to identify that someone who likes order and neatness takes residence here. A bookshelf of untouched books that's slowly gathering dust, a few photographs of his late family, all murdered by ghouls, and a large, wooden table with a sleek computer sitting on it.

Sometimes, the couch near the door would be occupied by his senior, Oikawa Tooru, but today, it's occupied by a young man fresh out of the academy.

"...is Kageyama Tobio, Akaashi." Oikawa's voice slowly makes its way through his ears. The older man had paged him earlier, saying that the higher ups finally made the decision to give him a partner, and Akaashi bores his eyes into the fidgeting man sitting on his pristine white couch, dressed in a stiff suit that's ironed so crisp it hurts Akaashi's eyes to look at him. "He graduated- er- third was it?"

"Second, sir."

Akaashi frowns at his voice. It's grey, but then again, ever since he lost his family and former partner, everything has been grey.

"Second. He graduated second." Oikawa checks his watch. "I have a meeting to go to. You're expected at it once you give Kageyama his tour around the building, yes?"

He nods, keeping his eyes on the twitchy greenhorn as Oikawa fluidly moves out of his office and into the CCG headquarters. Once the office door closes, he can feel the growing sense of discomfort in Kageyama's posture. "Hello." He decides to finally say.  _Hi_ is too improper,  _nice to meet you_  would be a lie, since Akaashi is not pleased to have a thorn stuck to his side.

"H-H-Hello!" Squeaks Kageyama, blinking furiously as he stands up (Akaashi peers down at him, before noting that the newbie is nearly as tall as him). "N-Nice to meet you! I will be in your care!"

_Will I disappoint you like I did with all the others?_

"Sure." Akaashi pulls off his reading glasses and tucks it into his jacket, leading the way out of his office. The steps to his door is familiar, and leaves a strange bitter taste in his mouth, and he curses the higher ups of giving him another partner. Didn't they know what happened last time? Was the reports he submitted mean absolutely nothing to them? "I'll show you around the building."

Kageyama's eyes lights up like Christmas has come early to him, and he eagerly follows his new partner, falling into Akaashi's long gait as the office closes. Akaashi clenches his fist, those lit up eyes are bringing him ghosts of former partners. A red headed woman, aged 23. A blond man, 24. Grey hair with a smooth smile, also 24. Tall, gangly, with glasses, 25. Petite, like a fairy, 23. Freckly, shorter than him, also 25 when they all died under his care, blood drenching Akaashi's pants. "Yes! Thank you!"

Akaashi Keiji used to be alive, but now he's called the Grim Reaper of the 1st ward. 

 

  
He ducks, dodging all of Kageyama's attacks as his new partner slowly turns more and more grouchier. Akaashi blocks one of Kageyama's back hand swing, their forearms colliding with so much force he sees the younger man wince, before he sweeps Kageyama off his feet and throws him onto the mat.

They decide to take a breather, and they both guzzle water from the water bottles lined up in the corner of the gym. Akaashi swivels his head around in disinterest, looking back down at the red, squishy mats when the other ghoul investigators starts to whisper around him. Their voices are ugly. Jagged, jealous, tinged with the darkest hue of green that he can hold, and it would snap in his hands like crumbling sand.

"Why did you choose me?"

Kageyama's head flicks upward, and Akaashi stares levelly at him, tucking his legs into his chest, his dark eyes showing a sliver of curiosity. He makes sure his voice isn't tinged with bitterness or some other emotion. He will be emotionless to this new partner and hopes that he can survive. "Graduates are allowed to choose two people. Why did you only choose me?"

"B-Because you're a  _legend!_ " Is Kageyama's answer. The twenty four year old sits up with his back straight before using his hands to punctuate his words. "You killed so many SS rated ghouls! Like Joker! And you met Owl twice! You rose through the ranks further and faster than any other ghoul officers!"

"Skills aren't everything." He tries to explain. Words are awkward, which is why he lets Oikawa do all the talking for him. The latter is made for the spotlight, and Akaashi lets him have it willingly. "Brawn will bow down to brains."

"That too! You think during exterminations! I heard you saved Amon-san more than once! And how you took care of Akira-san when you broke your ankle! That deserved credit. And I don't care what the others say about you."

"You don't care how every one of my partners died?"

Kageyama's honest grey eyes are clear, no ounce of hidden motives or snark. Akaashi sees his soul- perhaps one day this man will carry on the CCG's legacy and rise to the top. Maybe next to Oikawa and Take Hirako. Maybe he'll be legacy once Akaashi's meets his end.

In this world they live in, death lurks around the corner, and Akaashi will put of a fight before he embraces it willingly.

"No, sir!"

Akaashi decides the newbie in front of his is stupid. He will make mistakes and Akaashi will have to save him, bandaging his wounds and taking him under his wing before making more mistakes that he hopes can be repaired. Kageyama will be a chink in his armour, his weakest link, and two months ago, he curses the brass for giving him this rookie- this volatile rookie who doesn't think and believes he can do anything and everything by himself.

Kageyama is a shadow of Akaashi's former self, the newbie under Iwaizumi Hajime's wing who thought he could obliterate all the ghouls and take Owl down by himself.

And Akaashi twitches his lips into a sincere smile at Kageyama. "One more round?"

Kageyama jumps up, tossing aside his milk box before crouching with a gleeful smile.

 

His hands are the first thing that he sees. The long fingers are delicate, tapering to a find point where a volleyball would be held. 

That was nearly a lifetime ago.

Blood would slowly drop onto it, no matter how much he struggled to get the slick liquid off him. It would go to his pristine white clothes and on his cheeks and then-  _then_ the bodies of his former students would materialize and Akaashi is left to stare at their glassy eyes. Some died smiling, because he propped them in his lap and caressed their cheeks with the same bloody hand. One by one they would say goodbye, it had been a true honor to work with him, they will watch him over when they pass.

Some died in pain because Akaashi wasn't there to protect them. He was useless, often fighting another ghoul from the Aogiri Tree. They draw him out of his protective position and attack his partner's back. It was the scream of pain and suffering that leeches bitterness and hatred into his blood. It's the rush of vengeance that makes him lash out wildly, nearly going as berserk as Oikawa when his former mentor died.

Then he cried, tears mixed with blood dropping on his student's cheeks, muttering  _I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you, forgive me, partner. Forgive me. I couldn't protect you. Goodbye, partner. Goodbye, Ryuu. Goodbye Yuki. Goodbye. I'm sorry._

_I'm a failure._

"A disgrace to the CCG." The Oikawa in his dreams would say. Akaashi looks numbly at his past students, closing his eyes when the bodies of his family shows up next to them, flesh mauled by ghouls. "How can you not protect them? They're your partners. They see you as their lifeline, and you betrayed them."

_Traitor._

The same nightmare would haunt him for as long as he breathes oxygen and cycles out carbon dioxide, so long his heart continues to beat and fight and so long as Akaashi is another puppet of the CCG.

Kageyama shows up in his dreams, and Akaashi looks him in the eye, forcing the glassy eyes that reflect the stars to look at him, full of life and strife.

" _I will not disappoint you._ "

 

Kageyama has lasted the longest out of his partners now, nine months and ongoing. Akaashi knocks on his desk and ignores Kageyama's inquiring gaze from his corner in Akaashi's office. The dull rain pounds on the wall length glass that shows a bird's eye view of the 20th ward, Meiji Shrine and Tokyo Tower a beacon in the grey.

His dead mentor is the face Akaashi sees most, but he hasn't appeared for a while, and he's slightly glad, because whenever he appears, he would wretch himself from his office chair and run to straight to the adjacent bathroom in his office, emptying all that is in his stomach until acid burns his throat and there are tears swimming in his eyes.

He'd press a button and Oikawa would appear. He too, like Akaashi, lives in the CCG building. They both have houses, but it's too empty and doesn't radiate home. Oikawa would bring him a cup of hot milk, rubbing his back as Akaashi would reject the milk and throw it up again. Oikawa would try juice next, to see if the sugary liquid will be accepted.

Akaashi's eyes flies open, and Kageyama jumps out of his seat as he pushes the younger man out of the way to the bathroom. The porcelain bowl smells like the green apple cleaner he had used earlier, and the familiar sense of panic and struggle flutters in Akaashi.

"Oikawa." He hisses to Kageyama, who runs to the phone on Akaashi's desk as he throws back up his lunch. 

Of course his dead mentor would haunt him. It was his fault that he's dead. His fault for jumping out of the formation to risk his back.

Oikawa runs in, hair askew as his cold hands rubs Akaashi's back. Through the retching and coughing, he hears a, "I have hot milk." and he weakly forces his core to hurry and finish the torture.

He looks up at Kageyama's frightened face and sees the blood drain from his junior. Oikawa presses the mug into his hands, ordering him silently to drink. Akaashi grasps the cup carefully, hoping milk would do the trick this time and calm him down.

He slowly sips the liquid, ears deaf to the words Oikawa is telling Kageyama. How karma likes to bite his ass. His junior never saw this side of him, and Akaashi waits for the shock and letter of resignation to be handed to him.

At ten months, Kageyama continues to work hard under him, confusing Akaashi further.

At eleven, they're assigned a new ghoul to exterminate and watch. Akaashi doesn't see his dead mentor, but he sees Freckles and Glasses more in his dreams.

And always, blood, blood, blood.

 

At one year, he receives a call from the higher ups and tells Kageyama to watch his office as he goes to a meeting. Owl has been sighted again. The team will consist of Akaashi, Oikawa, Kuroo and some more special investigators who's strengths are equal if not more than theirs. Kageyama looks confident, holding his quinque tightly in his lap as Akaashi drives, telling him of the plan and to stick to the formation. 

"How many exterminations have you been to, Akaashi-san?"

"Too many." Akaashi frowns when Oikawa starts to speed up. "We're just going to gather intelligence today. Quinques are our backup. Under no situation should you pull yours out unless Owl attacks and I give you the order to."

"Yes, sir."

Oikawa is twitchy as always, and Akaashi reigns him in as Kuroo leads them silently to the edge of the warehouse. Akaashi sheds his long coat and brings his arms closer to him from the cold breeze. They will sit here until Owl shows up. It's boring.

Akaashi Keiji quickly graduated from the academy because he can feel when ghouls are coming. It's a chill running down his back like someone is stroking his back, painting fear into his arteries and forcing him to sit up. Arima Kishou once praised him for having that survival instincts. 

Oikawa taps his hand, and Akaashi slowly peeks out from his bush, and flinches.

Owl.

And he has someone else with him. Two, to be specific.

Akaashi doesn't believe in ghosts. He doesn't believe in necromancers rising from the dead. He doesn't believe in high tales of zombies because what can be more scarier? The undying or ghouls?

Oikawa is breathing unevenly beside him, legs shaking and Akaashi flits his eyes from the ghouls. Owl, hiding under a thick cloak, moving slowly as if he's suffering from old age, which Akaashi hopes to be true. Then there's a new ghoul he's seen on the news- one with orange hair and an eye patch. Strange.

The last one knocks all the wind in him and he understands why Oikawa is sweating.

His dead mentor. A ghoul.

" _...Iwaizumi-san._ " 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a page about this fic on my tumblr! (awkwardedgeworth.tumblr.com/ISWWYG) (i drew the cast in their respective counterparts there)
> 
> please tell me how this story is- i can't write angst


	2. My Dear Ace

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended songs for this chapter:  
> -Glassy Sky from Tokyo Ghoul  
> -La Campanella (like the last quarter of it) by Liszt. (the piano version fyi)
> 
> thank you so much for all the nice comments so far? ahhhh i hope this lived up to your expectations D: akaashi becomes a little ooc but it'll all make sense later on. enjoy!

 

 

Kageyama is stupid.

That fact is not news to Akaashi. He's had partners who were reckless, who didn't have brains and who simply believed they could be better than ghouls wielding their kagunes like it's second nature to them.

Oikawa makes a little strangled noise in the back of his throat and Akaashi slams his hand on his mouth, freezing when Owl whips around. Kuroo is hissing urgently to abort the mission, jumping from his hiding place and running sideways to the truck. Akaashi nudges Kageyama from his spot and kicks his suitcase away, dragging Oikawa up, who's struggling weakly in his arms. They have to move fast. They have to move before Owl and Eyepatch starts to target them with their kagunes, because Akaashi can't repeat the same performance his mentor did as his last act. He can't protect and fight at the same time-

" _Iwa_ -"

" _Move!_ " Akaashi orders, pushing Oikawa in front of him. He doesn't dare look back- the back of his neck prickles in an unforgiving way and he gives a muffled scream of frustration when Oikawa turns again. Does he _want_ a death wish? His fists tightens on Oikawa's vest and he shakes his senior roughly, growling, " _Oikawa! Move!_ "

" _But Tobio!_ -"

Shit.

Kuroo runs back and tosses Oikawa over his shoulders like he weighs nothing, cursing under his breath about how useless Oikawa is at times like this. Akaashi turns back and sees his partner engaging Owl, the twenty five year old  _quaking_ in his boots, tilting his head back to see Owl's kakuja face. He fumbles for his suitcase, and more swear words slip out from his mouth when he realized that he'd kicked it too far. His senses are overpowering him- the dark shadows that can hide more ghouls, his suitcase where he keeps his main quinque is unreachable—

—and Kageyama!

He runs to his student, arms reaching out to push the stupid idiot back behind him, and he knows it's too late. He's too slow and time is making him see in slow motion and there is no absolute way his arm can stretch that far to tug Kageyama back. It brings a bittersweet taste of déjà vu in him, and he hears Oikawa's strangled cry in the distance.

Akaashi watches helplessly as Owl, seemingly tall and unforgiving, bends down, before it opens his jaws wide. 

In a split second decision, Akaashi sweeps his leg out, calf colliding with Kageyama's as the he falls off balance, head missing Owl's maw by inches.  _Inches_.

" _You idiot!_ " He chastises, arms locking around Kageyama's knees and armpits as Owl roars and gives chase. Akaashi twists in time to avoid one of Owl's long ukaku wing, jumping over a puddle. He feels a certain wetness on the side of his cheek and feels a prickle of pain. Blood. "Did you not listen to what I've said earlier?"

Kageyama whimpers, and Akaashi sees a long shard of projectile sticking out of his arm. They reach the gate, Akaashi tossing his partner over the chain linked fence before making a standoff. Owl slows down, and he reaches for his second quinque— a long rod that has the ability to shift between a scythe and whip. His student is shaking the metal fence, screaming his name, and Owl seems to hesitate, before leering at him and dashing forward—

—and Akaashi runs forward, ducking and twisting Amaterasu. His quinque sinks into one of Owl's ukaku wings and Akaashi lands on his feet, watching Owl falter. He twists his quinque to shift forms for a better attack when a blur of orange hair moves in front of him, tears rolling down his face as he screams, "Don't hurt him!"

Akaashi staggers to a stop and takes off his glasses. Rain is pouring, and the water droplets will be a nuisance to his vision. Kageyama stops shaking the fence, watching him with wide eyes as Amaterasu shifts to a whip. He's been down this road- ghouls who beg for mercy will receive justice instead, and he snarls almost angrily, "Do you value your life, ghoul?"

"P-Please..." Eyepatch pleads, throwing his arms wide, rain mixing with the tears trailing down his face. His size makes Akaashi want to laugh- Eyepatch barely looks like he's in his 20s yet, short stature and all. He can pick out his weedy frame and small ukaku fanning behind him, angry black pulsing like a baby crow's wing. "Don't hurt him!"

A cloaked figure jumps, and then his mentor is in front of him, lowering Eyepatch's arms slowly as he protests. Akaashi feels the pit of his stomach grow cold, like a stone has dropped and all the blood rushing around his body is slowly freezing. Owl straightens when Iwaizumi tucks Eyepatch behind him. Like how he tucked Akaashi behind him before he died.

The rain falls harder, petrichor staining the air as Amaterasu pulses in his grip.

His mentor looks older, but that was given. The rain has softened his hair, the spikes becoming tame and sodden, weighting down on his skull as Owl plucks Eyepatch and takes the opportunity to escape into the surrounding neighborhood. His cheekbones stood out more, eyes a little more lined with small creases, but other than that, his caring eyes still sweeps over Akaashi like he's 23 all over again. 

It's the same. That smile. The caring smile Akaashi hasn't seen for years.

"Akaashi."

"Iwaizumi...san."

The last image of his mentor flashes in his mind, of Iwaizumi's eyes staring upwards, mouth open with blood pouring profusely out of the wound in his neck. Akaashi was 25 then. It's been four years now. Four cycles where the seasons changed and Akaashi grew wiser, tougher and merciless, earning the title of Grim Reaper.

"It's...strangely good to see you again. How's Oikawa?" Iwaizumi smiles softly, and Akaashi holds his quinque tighter. Iwaizumi shouldn't look soft. He was the one who personally taught Akaashi how to handle Amaterasu, who showed him how to fight in close quarters, who taught him so many things. He was the one who kept Oikawa and Kuroo in line with their antics. He was one of the best Special Investigators out there, and that deserved some credit. As a ghoul, Iwaizumi has lost his edge. Akaashi feels a hitch in his chest like his heartstrings have been jerked up by a rough hand. 

"Not the same," Akaashi lets the weight of the words settle with his former mentor. His brain flashes him all of the scenarios of when he was under Iwaizumi's care, of midnight ramen runs and bar hopping with his fiancé. Of intense kick boxing matches where they would sport their bruises proudly and the quiet times where he would escort Akaashi to the bookshop and stop by the florists to get some of Oikawa's favorites. Of times where he had been human and alive and smacked Oikawa around with binders and presented him with flowers and ruffled Akaashi's hair playfully- almost like a father.

_Hello Iwaizumi-san, my dear mentor._ _My dead partner. How are you? Have you been taking care of yourself all these years? Have you been watching your fiancé from the television? Were you watching with progression how worse Oikawa grew each day? Resembling to a skeleton with each passing day?_

_Hello my mentor, I love you. I l_ _oved y_ _ou. I miss you. You were in my mind all these years, your words kept me strong, pushed me to where I am today. Who are you? You are not the Iwaizumi-san I know. You're not him. Not Iwaizumi-san._

_Hello dear mentor. You're not the mentor I once knew anymore. Iwaizumi is dead, but hello mentor. Hello Iwaizumi-san. You were supposed to be dead. Not exist anymore. We mourned you— I mourned you._

_Goodbye, mentor._

The smile melts off Iwaizumi's face, only leaving a miserable twist of his lips, "Thank you for continuing to take care of him, Akaashi."

"It's my duty," He says simply, twirling his quinque to point the tip at his mentor, who holds his gaze even though Akaashi is pointing his former weapon at him. Amaterasu suddenly feels very heavy, maybe sensing that the person in front of him is friend instead of foe. He wipes his annoying curls from his forehead. "Go peacefully, ghoul."

His former mentor blinks sadly at him again, tipping the Aogiri hood over his head before turning in the rain, disappearing when he jumps into the wailing night filled with sirens.

Akaashi continues to stare at the place where his mentor had stood, Amaterasu pulsing continuously, as if its calling Iwaizumi to come back.

 

Akaashi thinks he can drown in the shower if he tries hard enough and if the CCG's water supply doesn't have a maximum limit of fifteen minutes.

The water above his head slowly trickles to a stop, steam remaining in his shower cubicle as Akaashi stands there for a moment to take in some peace. He opens the stall and braces himself for the attack, and lowers his defenses down as he quickly pulls on a new set of clothes-a crumpled dress shirt and black dress pants. His cheek still stings, but it has stopped bleeding since he'd carefully washed away the caked blood.

There's a sweet melody playing in the air, tinged by green and gold and black. It grits on Akaashi's ears like someone is tugging him very hard on the scalp, and he quickly strides into Oikawa's office to see the man hunched over the piano with a crazed glint in his eye, hands expertly moving through the last passage of La Campanella before smashing the last chord down. Oikawa looks up from the black and white keys at Akaashi, and lowers his eyes to hide the tears forming.

"He's alive, Aka-chan."

And that is the image of a defeated Oikawa Tooru.

It doesn't look good on him. The man in front of Akaashi is the not the Oikawa the public knows. The public sees Oikawa's flirtatious smile and smirk and paints him with the title of CCG's bachelor. The genius ghoul investigator who wiped out 3 SSS ranked ghouls before the age of 25. They paint him a completely different color of what he actually is. 

Except he's not. He's a human being and human beings are weak. 

After nearly dedicating half of his life hunting ghouls, no one expects him to be strong. There's a reason why Ushijama Senior spends billions of yens toward private doctors and nurses and psychologists to be station at the building 24/7, and how each office has a little bottle of sleeping pills for nights where nightmares claw at their backs and invade their minds.

"You should have a hurricane named after you, Oikawa-san." 

Akaashi goes to the tiny kitchen off to the side, which consists of a microwave and a mini fridge with a coffee maker on the counter before raiding his cupboard for tea. Chamomile is his first pick, and he opens the fridge to find a small bottle of honey before squeezing in a few spoonfuls. He drops a small pill that dissolves immediately. "You look like hell."

Oikawa picks his head up, the metal chain of his dog tag glinting in the evening light. "He's  _alive_." Akaashi's mentor mumbles, looking down at his chest to see his dog tag swinging back and forth. Two engagement rings hang on the silver chain. A solid ring of silver with a sentence engraved on the inside.

"Drink this."

Mental exhaustion makes Oikawa submit to Akaashi's soothing words, and he leads him from his office to the many empty rooms in the building for investigators who need to spend the night. Oikawa is already lurching on the way to the bed, and Akaashi tucks him in, fluffing his pillows before shutting off the bed side lamp.

He turns around to see the face of a broken man, and finds that Oikawa looks mildly peaceful in his drugs induced sleep, mumbling about bug nets and aliens as his tears slowly dry.

Akaashi closes the door quietly. 

He moves to feet towards the elevators, where he needs to run a block down to check Kageyama from the hospital, but his mind switches his route and he's instead pacing towards the western wing of the building- where the special investigator's office resides. The few people working in the building flinch and duck their heads when he passes. His face must be pinched into an unpleasant expression, and he reigns in his anger as he turns a corner and paces to a particular office.

Akaashi slams open a black door. 

"You set this up."

His accusation settles like a heavy boulder sinking into the ocean. Kuroo looks up from his paperwork, analyzing Akaashi with half glare and half amusement playing in his eyes as he strides into his office uninvited and quite frankly, very rudely. His office looks similar to his, except it looks more comfortable to work in- two couches and a squat coffee table with a tray of alcohol for occasions.

"You look furious, Akaashi."

He usually has better control of his anger, and he hasn't gotten this angry for a very long time. All he could think about was Kageyama in his arms- his partner wounded, and the potential that he would lose another one. "You think I haven't figured it out? You  _knew_ Iwaizumi-san was there. You can't lie to me, Kuroo."

Kuroo holds up his hands, black shirt rolled to his sleeves to show chaos of ink running up his right forearm. "Don't start painting me of a different color! I know nothing of the mission tonight- only that Owl is reported to be passing through there."

"What was the point of tonight's mission? Just a simple recon? If it were that then we wouldn't need three of Tokyo's best investigators- and you certainly wouldn't have made Oikawa come out just for a simple walk." He spits out, thinking about the anguish on Oikawa's face earlier and the tears that refused to stop flowing after they've gotten into the building. "You planned this. You wanted to throw Oikawa off for a reason. Tell me the reason."

Kuroo stands up, drawling, "Okay, you need to calm down before your blood pressure rises-"

" _What was tonight's objective?_ "

Silence.

Then, "Classified."

Fury is not an emotion Akaashi is familiar to, but it speeds up his heart and makes him see red. It makes his mouth run wild and say unnecessary things he otherwise wouldn't have said in the situation. "My  _partner_ was hurt in tonight's little exercise. He's currently waiting for me in the hospital and I demand you to tell me the reason why. We're the same rank— anything you know Ican know."

"Ushiwaka's orders." Kuroo says, glancing down uncomfortably as he reveals the mastermind behind tonight's mess. Akaashi thins his lip at the name. They stand there, Kuroo's phone lighting up every now and then from his husband. Akaashi reads the name  _Daichi_  on the screen, before he relents.

"I see."

"Yea."

He bows stiffly, going to the door to escape. "I'm sorry I pestered you, Kuroo-san. Have a good night."

"...Wait Akaashi." There's a rifle of papers, before Kuroo is standing in front of him with a file stamped with 'classified' in angry, red letters. "Ushiwaka's a cow, but he says for me to pass this on to you."

He suspiciously looks at Kuroo, before flipping the first page of the report open. His heart leaps into his mouth as he studies the white hair streaked with black. The bright amber eyes, the charming, confident grin. The messy, loosened tie around his school uniform. Fukurodani's uniform, to be specific. Akaashi's ace. Captain of the men's volleyball team.

_Bokuto Koutarou_.

He snaps the folder to a close, "Did you read this?"

"No! No! Why would I?! It's not about me!" Kuroo frowns, walking to his couch before slumping in it, waving a hand to the space beside him. "I don't know anything about you and your Bokuto, nor do I know the details of you and your mentor. Just sit down, read it and stop glaring at me for Pete's sake. You look like death."

Akaashi stands there, before hesitantly going to the couch and flipping through the 30 page report as Kuroo lights his pipe, blowing a sweet scent of smoke into his office. He shoots him a glare, and Kuroo gives him a lazy grin, tapping his kiseru so the ashes fall off.

"You're going to die early with that."

"Oh, don't worry about me little lamb. Daichi's on my case about smoking it, but really, I don't use it often." Kuroo purposely puffs more smoke into Akaashi's face. "Just when I'm stressed."

"You're a safety hazard." 

"Why thank you." Kuroo raises a brow when Akaashi stands up. "Leaving so soon?"

"Kageyama needs me. Thank you for the folder, Kuroo." There's a new feeling in his chest, the primal urge that makes his mouth quirk up into a grin. Ushiwaka's been keeping all the good information to himself for all these years. He has a mind to punch the man across the face when during the meeting tomorrow.

"Um—"

"I'm _excited._ "

Kuroo drops his pipe, "What?"

"Owl killed Bokuto Koutarou." Akaashi waves the folder, voice even like he's talking about if Kuroo wants to join him for dinner instead of Bokuto's death. "No one was able to see the face of the ghoul who mauled him, but this is it. Ushiwaka sent us to see if Aone recognized him in the car. Oikawa was too distracted because Iwaizumi appeared, so he couldn't get a good look. But it's here."

The Special Investigator frowns. "...what's here?"

The feeling in his chest is definitely exhilaration. The opportune moment the special investigators have been waiting for is here, years in the making. Sixteen times the seasons changed. Four years of ghosts haunting his memories and dreams. Ten partners and students who perished under his leadership. One thousand four hundred and sixty days that CCG has been working for. 

"The extermination of Owl."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amaterasu is one of Akaashi's quinque. He has two, the one in the suitcase and the one he brings around with him.
> 
> Next chapter: iwaizumi appears and we get his backstory (or at least part of it)


	3. My Dear Captain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended songs for this chapter:  
> -Take Me To Church by Hozier  
> -Safe and Sound by Capital Cities ft. Taylor Swift
> 
> omfg the full version of glassy sky came out and can we just have a moment please?  
> the middle surprised me. I thought it was going to be...more. idk just more. The weird anticlimax in the middle was a bit ehh
> 
> school updates: still drowning in math.  
> today my chem student teacher blew a hole in our ceiling.

_Iwaizumi was 22 when he first met 16 year old Akaashi Keiji._

_Fate and destiny had not been kind on the young boy. The sixteen year old had stood rooted to his position as Owl preyed on his his victim, and it was only much later Iwaizumi found out that the victim was Akaashi's classmate and close friend. They were on a stake out, watching Owl with Kuroo and Aone, Ushiwaka watching over them from the truck._

_And the grief on the young boy's face was enough indication that he was going to do something stupid, and so Iwaizumi jumped out of his hiding spot and restrained the boy as he flailed. His team surrounded Owl, and Ushiwaka's voice ordered him to restrain the boy. Kuroo had been injured in the fight, and Owl had gotten away again. The mood that night was terrible._

_The CCG released Akaashi Keiji and Iwaizumi escorted him out of the building, Akaashi still wearing a white, black and gold sports jersey from one of the neighboring schools in the area. The boy had been silent throughout the whole ordeal- Iwaizumi led him to Kiyoko for a checkup and she told him in a quiet voice that he's in shock. And of course he would be in shock. Anyone would be after watching their friend die in front of them._

_"This is my contact information." Iwaizumi handed the young boy a small card. Ushijama had took him aside and nudged him to give the boy the CCG's number. Most victims of attacks rise to become ghoul investigators themselves, and they were desperate for new blood._

_Akaashi had blankly looked at the card, silently accepting it. They go through the RC scan gate and Iwaizumi watched him leave the building. He tilted his head up though, mumbling a quiet sentence that sends fear into Iwaizumi._

_"I'll_ avenge  _you, Bokuto."_

_Iwaizumi was 29 when he met 24 year old Akaashi Keiji fresh from the Academy._

_He'd read his files. Valedictorian. Genius. A rising star in the academy. A list of honors tacked to his name and his growing legacy. Many are starting to see the resemblance to Arima Kishou, but Iwaizumi doesn't._

_He saw a beaten young adult dressed in a black suit, dark bruises weighing down his already tired eyes. When he shook his hand, he saw the purple veins on his pale skin, and saw death lurk over the boy like an omen. Inwardly, he wondered how he managed to pass the Academy's physical exams. Akaashi was on the thin side, slender built with short, dark curls and sharp eyes that's overshadowed by nightmares._

_"You came back."_

_"To avenge him." The twenty four year old said, steel present in his voice. "I will be the one to kill Owl- I'll end him."_

_What can he say to that sort of introduction? The young adult followed he and Oikawa on exterminations and on recon missions. He's agile and quick thinking. Arima Kishou and Amon Koutarou both praised him when Akaashi had slain an SS menace in the area. The award had been the ghoul's kagune- Rin 1/2._

_Oikawa had pointed it out to him, two months into Akaashi's promotion as Associate Special Class Investigator. They'd been lounging on the big sofa in his office, Oikawa's head on his chest as he takes a nap after fluttering around Yachi as she fixes his Tsukiyomi from their last extermination where the quinque gotten a small crack. "I don't see him eat that much, Iwa-chan."_

_"Hm?" His glasses slid down his nose, blurring the small texts of the reports on Nutcracker. "His most recent physicals were excellent."_

_"I saw him in the kitchens. Only drinks coffee and protein bars." Oikawa buried his head in his chest, words becoming muffled as he strategically shrinks away from the sunrise streaming in from the windows. "Why don't we invite him for dinner tonight? Kuroo's getting a new partner. It's a nice chance for all of us to de-stress."_

_"Like you need anymore de-stressing." He scoffed, running a hand through Oikawa's curls absent mindedly. His words have no bite to them though. "It sounds good. I'll tell Akaashi once I'm done reading these."_

_Oikawa made a sleepy sound, and Iwaizumi returned to patting his hair, eyes drooping as the sun steadily climbed higher into the sky._

_He finds Akaashi curled up on the floor, shoulders shaking as Rin 1/2 lies on the floor, it's chipped fragments pooling around its suitcase. Oikawa stops at the door, before stepping back as Iwaizumi rushes up to his student, fear, worry and concern replacing the files he wanted to pass. He puts a hand on his shoulder, and Akaashi doesn't flinch from his hand on his shoulder as much as Iwaizumi knows how much he detests physical contact._

_"Akaashi?"_

_"-I...I c-can't." The young investigator shakes, clutching his head, curls poking out of the gaps between his fingers. Blood still caked his hair and clothes. The longer strands fall over his wrist like shackles, leaving red marks on his pale wrists. "H-How? How do you deal with this- these nightmares? I-I see Bokuto again. Again and again from the corner of my eyes. He's always there- and Kenma-san. I see him now too. E-Everywhere we go. Kenma-san, Saeko-s-san and K-Komi."_

_Oikawa comes back into the room, hurrying as he brings a tray of hot milk. Iwaizumi holds Akaashi's hand, gripping the bones sticking out of his wrist and clenching it tightly. "You have to be strong Akaashi. This isn't the end of the world. They're just nightmares. Bad dreams we all get." The younger boy wipes the tears furiously away from his face, disgusted at the weakness he's showing._

_"Do you want some medications, Akaashi?" It's unfair. Unfair to see the legacy of the CCG become a broken twenty five year old in front of him. But it's a price they must all pay. It's a game where the strong devour the weak. The CCG have their own ghouls inside them, after all. They're humans, and humans are weak._

_Akaashi slowly lifts his head up, eyes swollen and an angry red. "Meds?"_

_"A lot of us take them." Oikawa produces a small bottle and rattles it, white pills bouncing in its container. "It makes you feel better. We can go see Kiyoko before we go eat dinner."_

_Akaashi hesitates, and Oikawa takes this chance to cross the room, bending his knees to draw the younger boy into a hug, his white suit becoming dirty. He wasn't Akaashi's mentor, Iwaizumi acknowledges, but Oikawa still treats him like a son- like he does. "It's going to be fine, Akaashi. Ushiwacow has them too. Kuroo has really bad ones, and he copes by smoking. I take them. Iwa-chan takes them too occasionally. They're not a sign of weakness, you hear? Nightmares can't hurt you. Nothing can. You're strong."_

_Iwaizumi wraps his arms around his fiancé and student, hearing Akaashi mumble a very soft, "okay", and Oikawa ruffling the younger man's head. And they stay embraced like that until Akaashi stops shaking, and Iwaizumi hears Oikawa mutter softly, "We're family here, okay?"_

 

 

 

He walks right up to Kageyama, striding past Ushiwaka sitting in front of the bandaged investigator. Kageyama's eyes nearly goes crossed eyed due to the proximity of Akaashi's face, and he can see the vividness of his anger reflected in his student's eyes.

And he quietly bites out, voice turning black as he sees his former students demise flash in front of him. "Never,  _ever_ disobey my orders ever again. Is that clear?" Akaashi releases Kageyama's crumpled collar to hide his shaking hands. It was too close of a fight today. There was only inches between Kageyama living and Kageyama being decapitated. Too close of losing another person whom he couldn't protect.

Kageyama ducks his head, lips twisting to look ashamed. Akaashi sees the bandages around his rib cage and arm before Yachi comes into the room with more bandages. "Yes. 'M sorry."

"Okay." Akaashi says. "Okay.

"A-Akaashi! Your cheek!"

"I know it's bleeding." The collar of his new shirt is stained with dark red. Ushiwaka wrinkles his nose, drawing Akaashi's attention to him as Yachi and a nurse runs into the room and starts ripping open a packet of wide bandages. He's driven to a chair and he sits, steeling his features into an impressive blank stare as Kageyama hisses from the rubbing alcohol being applied to his wounds. Yachi hands him one bandage and he opens it, fingers fiddling with the plastic tabs. "Ushiwaka, I thought the meeting was tomorrow."

"Where's Oikawa?"

"Sleeping."

The look on his face says it all. "What do you mean he's sleeping?"

"I meant," He says firmly, Yachi dabbing his cheek with antiseptic, "that I gave him a pill in his tea so he can sleep before being debriefed." He crosses his arms. Ushiwaka doesn't like him, and he doesn't like Ushiwaka. The feeling's mutual, which might be why Kageyama is looking at both of them with his face screaming  _what the hell is all this tension about?_  "Do you  _want_ him to panic? You can't expect him to function normally if he's moping around."

"How blunt."

"Like you." Kageyama gawks and Yachi flinches. 

Ushiwaka doesn't bat an eye. "Fine. I'll talk to him tomorrow. If he does, however, wake up before the meeting tomorrow, make sure he doesn't leave the building. We don't want...to restrain him again." He says, before tilting his chin up and leaving the hospital room.

"Asshole." Akaashi mumbles under his breath, and Yachi hits his arm lightly. "Ow."

"He's the next Chairman in line, Akaashi. At least be nice." Akaashi touches his cheek, feeling the tightness of the bandage and the weird stretchy fabric. He stands up, hand going to his pocket where Amaterasu lies in its dormant form before picking up Kageyama's suitcase.

"Thanks. And no. He doesn't like me, and the feeling is more than mutual, Yachi-san. I won't waste my time bothering with his antics. He only cares about Arima and Oikawa. The rest of us are expandable. See you."

Yachi's smiles slips off, and she bows her head at their direction as he leads Kageyama out of the hospital, the younger investigator struggling to keep up with his long strides. Akaashi slows down a little, mindful of their injuries before Kageyama tentatively reaches out for his suitcase.

"Is it okay?"

"Huh- oh! Roy! Yes! Its in a perfect condition!" Kageyama looks sincerely happy to be holding his suitcase, wearing a smile of someone that hasn't experienced their own ghouls in them, and Akaashi finds himself being jealous of his student. "Akaashi-san, can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"...Wasn't...Iwaizumi-san your mentor?"

"He was." Akaashi says, taking out Iwaizumi's memento in its dormant form and handing it to Kageyama. As his student turns it around in his hands, he quietly says a few words. "This is his parting gift to me- his best quinque, Amaterasu. Iwaizumi-san was a good mentor. He showed me how to wield the chimera- Mado has something similar. Not all investigators can use chimeras." 

"He was a legend."

"He taught me so much." And he thinks briefly to the time he first stood in front of Iwaizumi on his first day as a ghoul investigator. The muscles around his vocal chords suddenly tightens, and he fights for the words to go through. "He was the father I never had. I miss him."

Then Kageyama hands Amaterasu back to Akaashi, looking at his quinque with a surprisingly gentle gaze as Akaashi sits in his chair, turning his attention to his papers as the concrete jungle slowly wakes up beneath them.

"You're late."

Akaashi stares at the dregs of his second cup of coffee as Oikawa slides into the chair beside his. The room is tense. Kageyama is squirming in his seat, eyes darting between the famous faces of the CCG. The legends- ghoul investigators whose name strikes fear into them. He picks up his cup as Ushiwaka coughs lightly.

"Owl is active again."

Silence. Kageyama gets too excited and knocks Akaashi's cup off the table. The porcelain cup smashes onto the floor and Ushiwaka looks impassively at his student, who turns red and quickly bends down to pick the shattered pieces. Akaashi closes his eyes and listens to Kageyama's quiet grey voice apologizing to Ushiwaka, who tells him it's not a problem.

"Akaashi."

"Yes?"

"Your report, if you will."

"Owl is now active after going into hiding after the Anteiku raid." He makes his way past Kuroo and Aone towards the big screen behind Ushiwaka, a topographical map of the 20th ward spanning across the back wall. He drags his finger across the cold surface and pulls up Owl's profile and two others. "Yesterday, a new ghoul appeared. Eyepatch. He's 163 cm with orange hair and has a small ukaku kagune. We're ranking him as a C. I see no threats from future conflicts with him. From a report, Aone-san was sent to see if he was the ghoul who murdered a seventeen year old high school boy twelve years ago. He confirms that Owl did kill the victim...that's all."

"What about the other ghoul?"

Akaashi digs his short fingernails into his palms, half crescents sinking deep into the flesh as he involuntarily flits his eyes to Oikawa. He looks worse for wear, bruises adorning his face and his hair rumpled.

"You know, Ushiwaka-chan," Oikawa cuts Akaashi off, "if you want to talk about him so badly, you only needed to ask."

"Oikawa-san-" Akaashi stops when his senior shoots him a look, frowning when he can feel the undertones of fury in Oikawa's calm voice. The coffee taste in his mouth darkens and he braces himself for the black that will soon envelope the room.

Ushiwaka ignores Oikawa, striding past Akaashi as he goes towards the screen. His fingers angrily taps the little icon on the corner and he sees pain in Oikawa's eyes as he's forced to see his dead fiance flash across the screen. "Iwaizumi Hajime is a ghoul."

"Don't." Kuroo gets out of his seat, arms up just in case Oikawa decides to hurt someone. Akaashi watches this with half disinterest, wishing he can spare Kageyama of the dramatics. He'd done a good job of keeping his student away from boring meetings like this where Ushiwaka and Oikawa tear apart each other's throats, but his student is quickly climbing the ranks, and now these meetings are actually unavoidable. "Don't say his name like you mourned him!"

"Oikawa." Kuroo holds his wrist. "Not now."

There's a flash of hurt and anger in Oikawa's eyes, and he knows that Kuroo's words mean no harm, only that Oikawa save some face in front of Kageyama and Aone's new partner, but the damage's been done. Oikawa wretches his wrist from Kuroo's grip, blinking rapidly as he walks out of the room. Akaashi sighs tiredly, before turning to Kageyama.

"Can you...?"

"Sure!" Kageyama jumps up to his feet, nearly knocking over Kuroo's mug as he hurries to gather all the official papers into his briefcase. He shoves them out of order, saluting Akaashi and bowing to the room before running after Oikawa.

Kuroo gives him a small smile. "He's a good kid."

"He is." And it's the truth, aside from Kageyama's foolish instinct to fight a ghoul twice his the size of him. And an SS Ranked one at that. What Akaashi says next surprises him. "He makes me proud."

Ushiwaka brings their attention to the screen again. "The CCG was under the assumption that Iwaizumi was dead, but he isn't." He shoots a glare towards Akaashi. "What do you have to say about this?"

"I didn't watch him die in front of me for nothing." He can call him worse names. He should, but he can't toe out of the line again like Oikawa. Iron leaks into his mouth as Akaashi bites his tongue to reign his anger in. 

Ushiwaka grips his pen in his hands. "I...didn't mean to make it sound like that."

Akaashi keeps silent, wondering if it's worth to spend his whole morning cooped up in Ushiwaka's large office with the other Special Investigators sitting around the long table when he can be working on his reports and spending time polishing Amaterasu. Kuroo becomes slightly twitchy, so he says, "He's just wondering what you truly saw."

"I saw what Oikawa saw- my mentor jumping in front of me to save me from Owl. He died in Oikawa's arms." Deciding that he can't take this anymore, he picks up the jacket from the back of his chair and scoops all the papers into one hand. "Excuse me."

He breathes out slowly as he walks down the hallway, security cameras spinning around and following him. This floor is heavily guarded, with posted security guards at the elevator. Ushiwaka shares a floor with the research team that works with Cochlea, hence the heavy security and retinal scan needed to move from hallway to hallway. Akaashi can feel his anger diffusing when a cheery, light voice calls his name.

"Sugawara-san."

The scientists grins, slowly walking towards him with a heavy amount of files in his arms. Without being asked, he smoothly takes half the stack and holds it like a waiter. "Running errands for Yachi?" A small smiles breaks out without his permission, but Suga always brings out the positivity in everyone.

"Yep! How about you? Are you submitting a report to Ushiwaka?"

"No. I walked out of a meeting." His tone must have triggered something in Suga's mom radar because the scientist blinks understanding as he gives him a half smile.

"You look tired, Akaashi. Have you eaten something? I know you've been finishing the last dregs from this morning's coffee. You know, yesterday I had to carry Yachi to the private rooms because she was busy helping everyone bandage their wounds. You shouldn't ignore sleep- sleep is important!"

"I can't sleep easily these days." Akaashi replies, letting the retinal scanner take a scan of his eye as they step into the offices of the research team. He sees Sawamura in his corner, reading glasses sitting on top of his head as he pats absent mindedly for his mug. Yachi's desk is empty, her work space neat with bright sticky notes tacked onto the computer screen.

"...Nightmares?"

He places Suga's files on his desk, eyes wandering to the floor as he mumbles. "It's getting worse." There's a figure in the corner of his vision. A seventeen year old with eyes as warm as the sun. He's idling spinning a volleyball in his hands before waving every few seconds to get Akaashi's attention.

Suga purses his lips, reaching for coffee mug and looking disappointed when he finds that the mug is dry. "Are you free tonight?"

"...I was going to work on reports-"

"Okay! We're going out to eat some ramen after we clock out, that's...in fifteen minutes. We're all going- Daichi, his husband, Oikawa, and you! Oh, you should bring Kageyama too." The researcher adds with a wink. "I've heard many things about him."

"...are you sure you want me to be there?"

Suga pouts at him, and Akaashi feels like he has trodden on a puppy's paw and opens his mouth to take it back when Suga says, "Why wouldn't I want you to be there? Come on, it'll distract you from the Owl's files. And I haven't bought you a round since forever." Akaashi thinks back to the time Suga last bought him a drink- and remembers vaguely of Iwaizumi carrying a happy drunk Oikawa back to the building as he bids Akaashi good night, cheeks flushing from the alcohol. It  _has_ been too long since he caught up with Suga.

"Alright."

Suga claps his hands together like a pleased kindergarten teacher. "Alright! It's the same place, I'll meet you there once I drag Daichi out of the office and clean up." 

Akaashi nods, turning back to the door and making a beeline to the elevators. He quickly opens his phone and sends the address of the ramen house to Kageyama and asks him to bring Oikawa along. He sees a messenger boy come to his office with a large stack of papers marked confidential in red, and he sighs, signing the stack before sending the messenger on his merry way.

He makes his way down the busy streets, street lights flicker on as he passes Tokyo Tower. The street has changed. A yakiniku place has opened in the span that he didn't visit the noodle house. New stalls has sprung beside the noodle house, and he touches the polished sliding door and drags it to the side, ducking his head and entering.

"Akaashi-san!" Kageyama waves from the bar, grinning from ear to ear with Oikawa preening with his compact mirror, hand brushing his curls. "Over here!"

"Welcome back." The noodle master says cheerfully behind the counter. Akaashi accepts his oolong tea as he slides into his chair. "The usual?" 

"Please."

"Got it." Kageyama is then excitedly twittering to him about the volleyball game shown on the screen above their bar. He proudly points to one of the team members and starts to tell Akaashi all he knows about volleyball-  _did you see the straight spike just now Akaashi-san? It's when the setter tosses the ball and one of the wing spikers aims for the- AHH! CROSS SPIKE! LOOK AKAASHI-SAN! YOU NEED INCREDIBLE FLEXIBILITY TO BE ABLE TO EXECUTE THAT!_

Akaashi is starting to relax, easing the tension from his shoulders when Suga, Kuroo and Sawamura appears and joins them. Kuroo doesn't make eye contact with him, and Akaashi turns his attention to his noodles and offers Oikawa his napkin when the man accidentally lets broth dribble out of his mouth.

Suga sticks to his promise and buy them a round. Akaashi takes Oikawa's glass away from him after five Sapporos and leans back when the thirty five year old whines about how mean he's being, he should give him a hug.

"How was the meeting?" Akaashi hears Sawamura ask Kuroo, wiping his mouth and placing the empty spoon back into the bowl. "Everyone in the CCG is curious."

Beside him, Oikawa stiffens and Akaashi calculates the time it would take him to pull out his wallet and escort Oikawa back to the office, free of hearing his fiancé's name. Kuroo's voice is unusually loud due to the alcohol he's demolished. "It's bad. Since Iwaizumi was a member of the CCG, Ushiwaka ranked him as an SS Rated ghoul and is thinking of putting him number one on the hit list."

" _What?_ "

Oikawa turns his head slowly towards Kuroo, pupils shrinking. Akaashi can see the anger in his brown eyes and looks at Kageyama for assurance that he'll help him restrain Oikawa if it were needed. "Ushiwaka wants him dead?"

"Well-"

"Has he forgotten who annihilated and exterminated v.12? And the entire 5th ward? Has he forgotten who saved his life when Ushiwaka was still in the Academy?" Oikawa turns to Akaashi, emotions flitting over him like the click of a too fast professor rushing through PowerPoint notes. There's hatred, deep loathing, loss, defeat and the incomprehensible hurt before the ace of the 20th ward looks at his hands, voice breaking. "...He  _can't_ kill Iwa-chan." 

"We're still discussing about it." Kuroo desperately back pedals. "The committee hasn't decided anything yet. Iwaizumi's just got ranked today. The rank doesn't mean anything other than the level of investigator we would need to dispatch if he gets out of hand-"

" _Hajime is my fiancé! Who does Ushiwaka think he is?_ "

"Oikawa..." Akaashi mumbles, thankful that the noodle house is empty besides them. "Nothing is decided yet-"

" _Shut up! You out of all people shouldn't be saying that!_ " Oikawa yells, slamming his hands on the bar. 

Akaashi freezes.

The noodle master flinches, dropping the bowls he's rinsing back into the soapy water as a tear starts to run down Oikawa's face. " _You- it's all your fault. It's because of your foolishness and pigheadedness that you made Hajime on the hit list now._ "

Kageyama eyebrow's are slanting down in worry as his mentor stays silent. Tears are flowing freely out of Oikawa's face now, ugly, fat tears dripping down his cheeks as his nose reddens. " _It's all your fault, Akaashi. If you'd stayed within formation and weren't such a cocky bastard he wouldn't have died. I wouldn't have lost someone. He jumped in front of you to save your life. AND HOW DO YOU PAY IT? BY LETTING USHIWAKA PUT HIM ON THE LIST. HAVE YOU HAVE NO GRATITUDE FOR HIM- FOR YOUR MENTOR WHO TOOK DEATH'S HAND WILLINGLY WHEN IT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE YOU?"_

There's a crack in the air and Akaashi looks at the floor, pain bursting from the corner of his mouth. Oikawa's being restrained by Kageyama and Suga as Sawamura touches his wrist lightly, looking worried. There's static in the air and Akaashi watches as Oikawa's turquoise voice tinges with despise until all that remains is hate flowing out of him. 

"I HATE YOU!" Oikawa struggles. "YOU KILLED HIM!"

" _Oikawa stop it!_ "

"LET GO OF ME KUROO!" Akaashi doesn't look at his senior as he places a stack of bills on the counter, grabbing his jacket as he opens the door to let the cold air assault him. His throat is too constricted for him to form the words, and there's suspicious heat tinging his face. "LOOK AT ME!"

Against his better judgement, Akaashi stops at the door, the tips of his shoes on the border of the noodle house. He turns and sees Oikawa broken again, the bruises beneath his eyes more present than ever, slumping in Suga's arms with a twisted smile.

"I hate you so much, Akaashi."

There are pins prickling his eyes, and he turns back and walks out into the night, mouth aching as the cold brushes against his thin cotton shirt. The city noise is one great static in his mind, his feet takes him through the weekend crowds of people laughing and enjoying themselves. He wants to go somewhere quiet- somewhere unseen. The concrete slowly shifted to worn roads with potholes to a beaten dirt path. He looks up when he realizes he's made his way to a place he hasn't visited in years. Crows clucks and peer curiously at him as he walks closer.

The tombstone is white marble, bearing the name "Iwaizumi Hajime" in thick letters with the day he was born and the day he died engraved below.

His bottom lip trembles, and he sees Komi and Yamaguchi in the corner of his vision, standing side by side. If he were to flicker his eyes at where they're standing, they would vanish before appearing somewhere else. It's his curse for not being strong enough- to see all the people he's killed. His sufferings.

"Status report!" He chokes out. "The Nutcracker case was solved by my subordinate five months ago. Aone-san was recently appointed Special Assistant Investigator along with Amon Koutarou and Akira Mado.... I... Kageyama is my new partner. He reminds me of myself and I wonder if this is Heaven punishing me. He makes the stupidest rookie mistakes and it reminds me so much of my former self, mentor." 

"Yesterday, Ushiwaka sent Oikawa outside on his first mission in years, and...we saw you." 

It's raining again, water droplets sticking to the marble tombstone. Akaashi berates himself as he glares at the white tombstone. He should have brought flowers, or at least an offering.

For some reason, his synesthesia is always at its strongest when it rains, and in the great distance, he hears the golden harmony of the 20th ward, hues of soft greens and bright yellows melding together. It wasn't suppose to sound like that. The city wasn't suppose to sound pretty when he's at his lowest.

"...I thought you were dead. I thought you died. I thought you were finally at peace- looking down on us from wherever you are." He says to the tombstone. "But we saw you. You- a ghoul. How?  _Why?_ " He finally lets the tears spill over his eyes, rain bogging down his hair and soaking his shirt, trickling down his neck. There's hot shame heating his face, causing his vision to blur. 

" _Why?_ "

The winds caresses his face lightly, and if Akaashi lets himself be comforted, he can pretend that Iwaizumi's ghost is standing beside him, wearing the dark suit he wears back when he was a ghoul investigator.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man akaashi keeps getting hurt in this chapter im sorry. but chap 147 of haikyuu...my heart. -makes a wounded sound-


	4. My Dear Bokuto

The next morning is strained. 

Akaashi stifles a sneeze as he walks into the building, meeting a sleeping Kageyama sprawled on the lobby couch with a familiar white coat draped over him. A security guard at the corner salutes to him and Akaashi suppresses the shivers he's feeling from the air conditioning. He spent the whole night soaked to his bone and probably catching a cold at his mentor's grave, until the sun rose over the mountain as he makes the slow trek back towards the CCG Building.

"Akaashi."

He turns, watching Oikawa with two mugs of steaming coffee in his hands. Oikawa's brown eyes flickers down, and he purses his lips in the fashion of embarrassment. The man looked like he hasn't slept a wink either, but his hair still remains curled to perfection. His senior looks at the mugs in his hands, before offering one of them to him.

The warmth from the mug burns his freezing hands. The beds of his nails are white, and the fleshy pink part a dark shade of purple. He raises the mug to his lips, swallowing the burning liquid as Oikawa looks at anywhere but his face.

On his couch, Kageyama turns to his side, mouth slack open.

"...Ushiwaka wants to you go on an extermination."

Well, he's going to pretend last night didn't happen did he? Akaashi responds evenly with, "How many investigators?"

"Aone, Kuroo, and Associate Class Konoha. We're targeting Savant and Connoisseur. I will provide back up with Suga if needed." His senior quietly says, looking into his coffee as if it can give him the answer to life's most philosophical questions. "You should take a shower."

"Duly noted." Akaashi frowns, going towards the elevator. He looks back at Kageyama's peaceful face and watches Oikawa continue to sip his coffee on the couch opposite, greeting investigators who passes the RC Gate with a magazine in his hands. Exhaustion is pulling at his every limbs and the couch in his own office doesn't look all that shabby now that he thinks about it.

The elevator doors are about to close when a pale hand forces its way inside, and the doors immediately jerk to a stop before peeling back as Akaashi watches Oikawa with surprise.

"I don't hate you." He painfully says. "I don't blame you for his death.  _Please know that I don't— it's just.._."

He taps the elevator button to close, twisting his lips into what he thinks is a painful smile. The muscles feels strange to use, foreign and he can't tell if he's grimacing or actually smiling.

"Please spare yourself from inflicting the painful memories. I know I killed Iwaizumi-san, Oikawa."

And he sees his senior's eyes snap open, brown flooding with regret before the elevators cuts his face off.

 

He tapes his fingers with athletic tape with a practiced ease, rolling the bundle around each of his fingers as Suga drives the truck to their next extermination. Amaterasu and Rin 1/2 are on the seat next to him, and Akaashi patiently waits for Kageyama to finish tying his armor on before doing his laces.

"Anybody know what Savant and Connoisseur looks like?" Konoha asks, clipping his helmet before crossing his legs. Beside him, Oikawa is dressed in a formal suit, tapping away on the laptop and squinting at papers detailing the extermination with a strange intensity Akaashi hasn't seen in a long time. "Or the masks they use?"

"Just look for two identical masks." Kuroo replies, grinning the when truck comes to a stop and the engine dies. He sees Kuroo glance at his phone one last time, before pulling off his gloves quickly to type a text message- to Sawamura probably. He's their leader around this time, and they gather around him as he briefs them. "Plan is simple, we get out of this truck, listen to Oikawa, get in, slay the high rated ghouls, and get out. Clear?"

"Clear!"

"Remember what I said last time?" Akaashi takes Kageyama to his side, his student wide eyed as they jog under the cover of darkness to the abandoned warehouse. The pebbles underneath their hard soled boots crunches against the ground. Akaashi gets a strange feeling of deja vu as he laces his voice with poison. What happened last time cannot be repeated. "-About not leaving the formation and keeping your quinque dormant unless I tell you to use it?"

Kageyama swallows. "Yes, sir."

Oikawa's voice buzzes through his ear. " _Alpha team go to the back door we've discussed earlier. Beta team stay on hold, and Omega team, go scale the side of the building and wait for my instruction to drop down from the ceiling beams._ " Akaashi tucks Amaterasu into his holster and clips Rin 1/2 so it dangles like a messenger bag. He clings to the holes and hand holds in the worn out brick wall and starts to climb, stopping every now and then to look at Kageyama's progress. Akaashi scrabbles over the edge and crouches as Oikawa talks to him.

" _Omega team are you in position?_ "

"40 seconds." Akaashi grunts, hauling Kageyama up. He runs to a broken window and slips on his goggles, shimmying onto the wooden beams. The crowd below is going berserk, shouting and waving their arms with their fancy fans, facial expressions covered by annoying masks. Five humans are running for their lives in the arena, with scrappers chasing after them. The wooden beam creaks ominously as Kageyama joins him, inching as fast as he can as Akaashi confirms they're in position.

" _Alpha, have you spotted Savant and Connoisseur?_ "

"Still looking." Konoha's voice hums, and Akaashi spots him below, hiding carefully in one of the shadows with Kuroo looming behind him. "Two o'clock. Akaashi-"

"Target found." He points to two small figures next to each other to Kageyama. Akaashi unhooks Rin 1/2 from his shoulder and lets the suitcase dangle down, heart pumping fast. He can feel the pulse all the way to his fingertips, the muscles in his leg coiled as he waits for Oikawa's order to dive down. The crowd's screams is making his heart pump faster, and he can see Kageyama's widening grin beside him-

One of their targets looks up, and he hears Oikawa curse.

Akaashi jumps down, thumb pressing the button on Rin 1/2 to explode from its dormant state, a staff with wing-like extensions that works as a shield, much like Arima's quinque. Akaashi flips forward and brings down the blade of Rin 1/2, cutting the ghoul in half as the crowd turns, blood splattering every inch of him. Then there are screams piercing the air as the other ghoul slips through the masses, Aogiri cloak whipping behind him as Akaashi gives chase.

" _Doves! Doves in the air!_ "

" _God damn it!_ " Oikawa yells. Akaashi blocks Savant's ukaku projectiles with the shield and watches as Kuroo and Konoha restrain some of the higher ranked ghouls from leaving. He continues to pursue the ukaku ghoul, dodging and twisting away from it's projectiles, waiting for it to tire out before closing in. Akaashi shoulders his way past other Aogiri ghouls, swinging his quinque as kagunes drops on floors, and tugs Kageyama back from a surprise attack, all still in pursue of the ghoul. The ghoul realizes that's his strategy, and slows down, shoulders heaving as Akaashi stands in the mostly abandoned warehouse.

They stand off, and Akaashi watches in satisfaction as his ukaku wing splutters to a dying flame.

"You'll be executed for the murder of more than five hundred people." He calmly recites, walking forward with Rin 1/2 pulsing an angry red color. The blood in his hair from his earlier kill drips down onto his cheek like coagulated tears. The ghoul is whipping its head from side to side, noticing how its surrounded by ghoul investigators, Kuroo and Konoha beside him with Kageyama across from him. "That is an order from the CCG."

Akaashi pauses, and makes a fatal error.

In his hindsight, he hears Oikawa curse again, and Akaashi lunges forward for Kageyama, shooting past Savant, arms stretching with his taped fingers fisting itself in is student's collar as he jerks him back. Kageyama chokes, and Akaashi turns and meets the bikaku tail with his left arm and hears a muffled crack, body flying through the air. 

His body slams painfully into a wall and he slides down, crumpling into a heap of limbs before rolling to his feet, dazed but buzzing with adrenaline before collapsing on his knees. "Kageyama," he grimaces, reaching for him.

His student trembles, grey eyes wide as he surveys Akaashi's dented helmet and useless arm. Akaashi's fingers tremble for the latch. The dent is pressing into his skull, and he frees the metal, helmet rolling on the floor as Kageyama chokes, "I-I didn't see him creeping up b-behind me."

"It's alright." He reassures him, not even bothering to swing his left arm. He needs to go back to the truck as soon as he wipes out the warehouse. How could he have not noticed the SS Ranked ghouls hiding in the shadows? This is an Aogiri Hideout after all.

" _Slaughter all of them_." Oikawa's voice growls in his ear. " _Reinforcements are on their way._   _I'm sorry. I didn't see them-_ "

"It's fine." He brushes it off, ducking as a ghoul whips his rinkaku towards his head. He runs, rolling hard on his good shoulder and beheading the ghoul in one swift move. Before he can take another breath, he's jumping upwards to avoid colliding into Konoha and Kuroo as they engage another ghoul. Even though the broken bones are shifting inside his arm, the adrenaline is making him feel nothing. His student is faring well, looking concentrated as he sinks Roy into a ghoul's chest as Akaashi engages another way ward ghoul.

A koukaku scale enters his arm and Akaashi swings his quinque, gritting his teeth as he hears Oikawa ordering reinforcements through his head set. His arm is already losing blood and he can feel little prickles of pain, the adrenaline must be wearing off.

Suga barrels through the door and nearly faints when he realizes Akaashi's arm has swelled up like a balloon. It's a little concerning now actually, his fingers are starting to turn blue from blood not flowing, so he asks Kuroo to cut away the ties holding the stiff armor together. Blood coats the floor and Akaashi focuses on the pain travelling up his arm to shake off the visions appearing in front of him.

"Ew," Kuroo wrinkles his nose, relaxing as cleaners and researchers flood the place for kakuhous. "Is it broken?"

"A-AKAASHI!"

As if things can't get any worse, it does.

Owl stands in front of them, looming over the tallest investigators as the researchers scrambles to the sides. Kageyama turns white under his sweat and Akaashi flicks Rin 1/2 out of its dormant state, storming in front of the pack, fire trailing up his arms to his head. His quinque pulses dangerously in his hand, and Akaashi steps forward in front of Kageyama. He feels calm.

Owl gazes down at him, RC plumage pulsing.

" _You're not going to hurt Kageyama again._ " 

"...That won't be needed."

Owl's long maw opens, and there's a hideous burst of steam that engulfs everyone. Owl's back is squirming- flesh bubbling and ripping like it's cooked in hot oil before a body emerges under it, the ghoul rising out of Akaashi's very nightmares. The white hair. The black streaks. The strong shoulders and familiar built he sees in his mind everyday. The Aogiri cloak around his shoulders and the ghoul liquid dripping off his cheeks as Owl sheds his shell.

"Take me with you." Bokuto Koutarou declares.

 

 

Akaashi struggles to get his eyelids open, frowning when all he hears is a steady beep beside him. The sheets covering him are softer than usual, and he smells curry in the air. There's a window open somewhere, exposing him to Tokyo's harmonious sound again, which is weird since it's not raining. The gold sound triggers something in him- something that brings him a rush of memories and a painful crack in his arm and the realization that he's shackled to the hospital bed.

"Shit!" There's an artfully grafted cast restraining him from jerking his left arm out of his socket. In his trashing, he accidentally nudges his arm against the bars on the side of the bed and he nearly blacks out from the pain. Alright, so the morphine drip must have dried out. He pulls his good hand as far as he can and jiggles the shackle. Actual shackles around his right wrist. Akaashi kicks, panic bubbling up in his chest as he whips his head around the room.  _He cannot be captured by the Aogiri, he has to get out— get away from—_

"Akaashi!" Suga runs into the room with Yachi right at his heels. They both look upset, and the panic in his chest settles a little when he sees that he's in one of the hospital rooms. But that still doesn't explain the shackles. " _Don't move your arm—_ "

" _Why are there shackles?_ " No good, there's hysteria leaking into his voice. Yachi's bottom lip trembles and she fusses with his IV fluid as Suga's hands flutter to stop him. "Where's Kageyama? And Oikawa? And where's Ushiwaka- tell him to get me released from this immediately!- No! Yachi- don't!"

His tongue thickens, and he glares as best as he can at the blonde as she completely empties a syringe into his drip. Akaashi's back relaxes without warning and he crashes back into his pillows, eyes gazing at the white ceiling as Suga's voice floats through his cottony head like a lullaby. His eyelids are betraying him by sliding down to a close when he just woke up. All the panic vanishes and all he wants is to take a good sleep, preferably one that would knock him out for days.

"...Don't worry...they're all okay...-rou and Iwaizumi...under heavy surveillance...should really rest, Akaashi."

"I...Iwaizumi...?" He manages to say before his loses consciousness.

 

It's evening when he wakes up next, and he sees a blurry blob on the chair beside his bed. Oikawa's sleeping with his neck in a weird angle, wearing an old t-shirt that used to belong to Iwaizumi and sweats as Akaashi shakes his heavy head from side to side to fight off the drugs. There's a thick novel in his hands written by J.K. Rowling. Oikawa doesn't look too well- the bags are heavier, more purple and black as he slowly breathes in and out. 

"...damn..." Akaashi mumbles, before being pulled back to unconsciousness.

 

  
He hears the rustle of papers before he opens his eyes, this time a little less groggy. His arm is stiff, and Akaashi could barely feel his cold toes as he wiggles them underneath the thin hospital blankets. 

"How are you feeling?"

Akaashi nearly receives a whiplash, turning his head too quickly at Ushiwaka's voice. "...Director." His voice comes out rough with disuse, and Ushiwaka hands him a glass of water. He tightly grips the glass, and Ushiwaka frowns at his too bony fingers, knuckles turning white as Akaashi sips his water.

"I understand you were angry about the cuffs, but we didn't want you to injure yourself. I thought you would run out as soon as you were awake. It's gone now, but you should stay off exerting your body for a few more weeks."

Akaashi ignores the jab, and twists his mouth at how Ushiwaka seems to know him a little too well. "What's the status report?"

"Savant and Connoisseur are dead. Their bodies as well as more ghouls have been recovered. Department of Research are analyzing and making their kakuhous into kagunes. Your partner just left your room moments before you woke up. He's been doing his work here. Very worried about you..."

Akaashi looks down at his left arm, bandaged heavily and held close to his body by a black wrap that resembles a straight jacket. He feels disgusting and rubs his face, feeling the stubble and oil build up in his hair and jawline. The IV drip is gone, a bandage on his inner elbow is all that hints that he once had a needle stuck to his vein, there's not even a faint scar or bruise to tell that he'd been shackled.

"You should take a shower."

"You sound like Oikawa." But he swings his body down, toes grazing the cold floor before he steps forward, feet firmly holding his body up. The cold travels up his legs and causes him to shiver in his thin and unattractive hospital gown. From the way goosebumps are forming on his back, he knows that the back is flapping open. He sees a basket of toiletries and grasps it in his hand. "When will I be released?"

"Now, if you want. But Oikawa suggested that you stay here for a few more days." 

Akaashi turns to look at him, ducking his head. "That will be unnecessary. Thank you, Ushiwaka."

Spending an hour in the private showers makes him feel almost human again. A medical student helps him shave and dress him, tying his shoelaces and adjusting his collar and tie. Akaashi walks out into the crisp fall air for the first time in days, appreciating the wind blowing through his hair. His CCG issued cellphone is dead, a large crack running across the delicate screen as he slips it back into his pocket. There would be a lot of files left on his desk, confidential reports about the Aogiri. He weaves through the crowds before entering the CCG, nodding hellos to fellow investigators before snagging an elevator to himself.

His office is empty when he steps in. There's a little note scrawled from Kageyama saying that Suga's taking him out for lunch on his desk. Akaashi circles around his desk, looking at the chair with uncertainty and leans back against the glass wall. Ushiwaka wouldn't just visit him to sign him out. The memories of the extermination were a little hazy- side effects from the medications he was given. He knows it was successful, but why does he feel so...

...Uncertain?

He takes his daily dose of pills Kiyoko specially makes for him with a cup of hot water. He busies himself with cleaning his desk, dusting his computer and rearranging files in order of importance as his coffee machine hums pleasantly. The sun shyly peeks through the clouds, and he sees Kageyama, Suga and a few other investigators walk back into the building from lunch. He smiles lightly, catching himself humming a little as he goes to find a cup for his coffee.

A series of footsteps alerts him to the his oncoming student, and he grabs Kageyama's squat mug in the shape of a volleyball and pours a cup for him, stepping to the door as it opens.

"Welcome back, Kageya—"

_Crack_.

The mug slips from his hands. Coffee is spilled onto Akaashi's floor, the dark liquid spreading on the white marble and towards his shoes. There's an elevator dinging and he instinctively brings Amaterasu out. His lips are curling up, and how could he have noticed it sooner?

There's the scent of blood in the air.

The porcelain pieces break under his feet as he steps forward, anger bubbling in his chest as he twirls his quinque to shift forms. He darts forward, feet dashing forward, gleaming whip throbbing as he flicks it behind his shoulder-

"AKAASHI NO!"

" _Fukurou!_ " he spits, "Get away Suga!"

"No! No! NO!" The researcher dives into his office, tugging his whip down as Akaashi keeps his eyes on the ghoul. They end up wrestling for a while, Suga maneuvering Akaashi to drop his quinque and Akaashi fumbles awkwardly with his good arm to push him away. "We haven't explained!-  _He's harmless!_ -"

Akaashi doesn't believe an ounce of Suga's words, and pushes the man aside before Kuroo swaggers in and blocks him before he can even say a word. The taller investigator is stiff, "Sit down, and we'll explain."

"What is Owl doing here?" He waves Amaterasu's dormant form at the masked ghoul. The ghoul drops down, large, scarred hands picking up the shattered porcelain. He produces a napkin from his pants pocket and mops the spill as Kuroo steers him onto his couch. Akaashi drops, looking up and feeling jittery. " _Kuroo why is there a ghoul in my office?_ "

Kuroo barks at the ghoul, "Can you remove your mask? It's making him panic."

The ghoul pauses, before the three slashes across his mask crumbles off like sand, disappearing into the air, and Akaashi sees Yamaguchi and Tsukishima dancing in his vision, leaning against the kitchenette as Bokuto stands in front of him, bringing his shoulders in together like he's been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  _This can't happen._  RC Gates were suppose to keep ghouls away. It's suppose to trigger the alarm that will shut the whole building down and alert Ushiwaka to deploy Akaashi and Kuroo to hunt. It was suppose to keep his nightmares away.

In his mind, he's chastising himself for not recognizing the broad shoulders, the hands he'd caressed a life time ago, the reliable arms and the way the he carried himself, with presence as they dominated the court.

The silence in the room is deafening, and Akaashi can hear Suga inhaling and Kuroo swallowing as he himself hitches a breath, drinking in all the blood and crime from the person standing in front of him. He's shaking his head, mouth trembling with things unsaid as Bokuto lifts his eyes from the floor, golden, timid with a little grimace playing around his lips. 

_"...Hey, Akaashi."_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot twist: bokuto's alive.


	5. My Dear Akaashi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> amazing. i updated in less than a week. SPRING BREAK YES

Bokuto emerges from his kakuja shell, muscle tensed as he nervously flits his eyes upwards to the ghoul investigator in front him- the person whom he hasn't seen face to face in years, the one who owned his heart and who was by his side, the one whom he watched in the news as Akaashi gradually withered away to someone he shouldn't ever be. A soulless killing machine who bears no ounce of the Akaashi he once knew. Instead, there's this imposter, moving, talking, breathing and living with his body.

 

"...Take me with you."

He sees the light curiously seeps out of Akaashi's eyes, and he darts forward, and while he does, the doves simultaneously charge at him, quinques ready to strike him. Akaashi falls into his arms, the armor around him inflicting some damage onto him. Bokuto lowers him down quickly, feeling the fever that racks his body and the heat coming off in waves from his broken arm.

As a grey-haired CCG worker come to Akaashi's side and take his temperature, Iwaizumi suddenly appears beside him quietly, shedding the hood as he studies his former student with a swarm of investigators splinting his arm. Among the babble, Bokuto can pick out several voices saying the same thing, lack of sleep, broken arm, and a bad eating habit.

He continues to frown until two tall ghoul investigator with black hair walks up to them.

The first one opens his mouth- he looks older than the second one. The investigator holds his quinque up, pointing the tip to Bokuto's face. "What is this?" He asks in an incredulous tone.

"What is what?"

"This. Are you surrendering yourself?" The disbelief is projected loud and clear, and Bokuto wants to laugh too, but the quinque is sharp and the second ghoul investigator is glaring at him like he wishes he can reduce him into a pile of ashes.

"Kuroo." Iwaizumi says from beside him, and the ghoul investigator whips his head to him, eyes widening when he sees him. Bokuto shifts uneasily, watching Akaashi being loaded onto a stretcher. "Kuroo, let me talk to Ushiwaka."

Both investigators look at each other, at a loss of what to do until one with white hair comes up to Iwaizumi, recognizes him, and pulls out two shackles.

Iwaizumi offers his wrist, and Bokuto does the same, staying unflinching as the metal snaps around him.

 

 

They separate them once they got over how the RC Scan gate didn't beep at them. Kuroo takes Iwaizumi and Bokuto sees Iwaizumi's dark eyes pass through a door before he's ushered in by the younger investigator, who answers to the name Kageyama.

The room is all white, a chair, one of those standard squeaky ones with blue plastic rims, is the only furniture in the room. Kageyama looks at the right wall, and Bokuto sees a panel of glass and starts to bite his nails out of habit.

"Stay here." Kageyama orders, and he walks out of the room. The lock mechanism clicks and Bokuto inhales the recycled air that smells funny, grimacing at the ghoul blood still stuck on Kageyama before a grey haired man slips in, wearing a research lab coat. He was the one who took Akaashi's temperature.

They study each other, and Bokuto sees his kakugan activate in the mirror. It's only been a day since his last meal, but that was a ten day old corpse of an old ghoul. The human in front of him is fresh, blood still circulating, capable of making the cheeks flush to a pretty color-

"Bokuto, was it?" The voice is surprisingly soft, but it fits him. The researcher smiles. "Call me Suga."

Call me Suga hands him a mug of water, and Bokuto takes it in his hands, sitting in the chair.

Silence.

"Is Akaashi okay?" 

There's confusion on Suga's face before the researcher steps closer to him and really looks at him.

"Oh."

That  _oh_ had the weight of the whole world, and Bokuto can pinpoint the exact moment Suga realizes that he has some connection with Akaashi- a connection that was more than ghoul investigator and ghoul.

He grimaces.

Suga stares at the glass, as if he can see through it- Bokuto does the same thing but sees his reflection instead, hair drooping with his Aogiri cloak spread over the back of the chair. "...He's alright. We're putting him on a morphine drip. His arm is broken in six different places, but other than that, he just needs to stop overworking himself." 

Bokuto nods. "The Aogiri is targeting the CCG." He gets straight to the point, reciting the words Iwaizumi had told him to say. "We know about Quinxs. They're dangerous, and in a fight against ghouls and artificial ghoul, one eyed ghouls have a clear advantage."

"We've always been at war with the Aogiri. Ghouls and the CCG are natural enemies." Suga replies, grey eyes hardening until it resembles one of the quinques Bokuto sees investigators wield. "I do wonder who slipped the information about Quinxs since they're not even past their training stage. The Aogiri hasn't made a standoff against us- we were the ones who initiated the extermination of the hideout in the 20th ward."

"Eto wants to wipe out the CCG."

A new voice cuts in through the room, and Bokuto whips his head up at the speaker. "They can try. Suga, come out for a while, I want to talk to you."

The researcher opens the door, slipping out as his coat swishes, and Bokuto is left to breathe in the funny smelling air, before he becomes drowsy. His brain flits between the funny smelling gas and quinques, before it makes the connection and he forces his kagune out. It's feeble and red before it crumbles, and Bokuto hears the door opens, Suga walking in with Kageyama.

The only words Bokuto catches before he blacks out is RC Suppressant gas.

 

Consciousness comes in the form of Kageyama's sleepless face studying him, his bangs framing his tired but grey eyes.

"Hello." He says pleasantly, unwrapping a burrito, and Bokuto recoils from the smell of cooked meat, sweaty vegetables and strong spices. He's resting on a reclined bed, white walls still surround him, and he finds himself dressed in an unattractive mint green hospital gown as Kageyama swallows a big mouthful. "How are you feeling?"

"...Weird." His tongue feels heavy, the word slurring through his brain like he's intoxicated. His hunger is completely fulfilled, and Bokuto looks at window, mouth opening as his kakugan doesn't appear. "What did you-"

"RC Suppressants. Congratulations, you now can be harmed like a human." Kageyama rips a bit of tinfoil and runs the sharp edges against Bokuto's finger without warning, and he yelps as blood blooms out.

The wound doesn't close.

"Suga says it's easier to control you this way, which Director Ushiwaka agreed to. We're still deciding what to do with you by the way. Keep in mind that I can restrain you no problem now that you can be harmed like a human." After sticking his finger in his mouth to suck the blood off, Bokuto studies the younger ghoul investigator. He was the one Akaashi was shielding so protectively over. His stomach rolled in ways not related to hunger, and he wonders what their relationship is.

Kageyama answers him, and Bokuto colors slightly because he didn't realize he said it out loud.

"He's my mentor. We've been partners for...nearly two years? A little less than that." Kageyama smiles a little. "He's great."

"Where  _is_ he?"

"Next door."

"...Can I see him?"

Kageyama hesitates, eyes flickering towards the wall. Bokuto waits patiently for him to make up his mind, testing out his new human-ness by studying the cut. The ghoul investigator stands up, picking up his suitcase with him. "Okay, we can go if he's sleeping. Let's go, ghoul-san."

"Bokuto's fine."

"Bokuto-san then." He feels weird, because the last person who'd call him that was Akaashi and now he's crossing across the cold tiles to his room. Kageyama peeks in, and opens the door, slipping in before making a  _shh_ sign with his fingers. There's a chair with someone with curled brown hair sleeping in it, the curtains are closed but the evening sun still illuminates the room enough for Bokuto to see the IV fluids and machines hooked onto the man.

Bokuto paces closer to Akaashi, and comes to a stop a feet before his bed, ear picking up the pump of his heart and the smell of antiseptic and sweet morphine from his skin.

His skin is paler than he remembers it, and the Akaashi in his memories were already pale. The one in front of him has deep bags, purple lining his bare arms that are resting on top of the blankets. There's a scar across his cheek that wasn't there before. His left arm is heavily bandaged, set with a cast and splint to hold it close to his body. His hair is longer than Bokuto remembers, bangs grazing the top of his eyebrows and spread over his pillow like ink.

"...Hey, Akaashi." He mumbles, watching the way Akaashi breathes steadily as the vitals monitor beeps. His cheekbones stands out more, baby fat vanishing as life ages him into someone who looks like he's been wading through deaths. Bokuto wants to grasp his hand, the hand that gave him tosses that went through iron blocks, the hand that has long bones and delicate fingernails and once held his own hand and stroked his face tenderly.

Bokuto reaches out tentatively, touching the cold hand before the monitor beside him starts to beep faster.

"Ah, let's get out of here. He's going to wake up soon." Kageyama says, going to the door. Bokuto is dragged along, "We can see him later if you still want to."

"...No it's fine." Bokuto says.

He looks through the door and sees Akaashi's eyelashes flutter open before the door quietly closes.

 

"Akaashi-san will be released from the hospital today." Kageyama drops the bomb to him just a few minutes after ten. Bokuto nearly chokes out the coffee going down his esophagus. 

"W-Why today?" His mind is going at a hundred miles per minute, and he can't decide what's worst, how Akaashi will react to him or the potential that he'll point his quinque at Bokuto. So far, he's been attached to Kageyama's hip because the CCG are still thinking where to place them and whether they should believe him or not. And he can't be allowed wandering around the building without an investigator ranked level 2 or higher, and everyone deemed it perfect for Akaashi's protegé to be his guard.

Kageyama shrugs. "It's been nearly two weeks he's knocked out on drugs. Any more and we're worried that he'll get addicted."

"...Is he alright though? Not in the physical sense, but emotionally- is he stable?"

"Why?" Goes Kageyama's sharp voice, and Bokuto knows he's pinned onto a dangerous topic. The ghoul investigator's hands has stopped flipping through his own stack of reports, profile shining as the sun weakly shines through the heavy clouds. "What do you know about him?"

Kageyama doesn't seem to know Akaashi's past. He doesn't know how partnership as ghoul investigators are but he shuts his mouth, offering an off hand comment. "He looks bad." That wasn't a lie. Akaashi did look bad. He looked terrible, like a skeleton, like an animal has pursued after him and has its claws around him, rib cage poking through his skin like claws. And the beast was the CCG and the mixture of his past and trauma.

The investigator doesn't say anything.

"...I went to high school with him. We were in the same volleyball team for two years. He was the best setter I could have ever dreamed of partnering up with. Every toss was perfectly directed to me, gave me a lot of options and was the right height for me to switch between a cross or straight." Kageyama whips his head to him, mouth opening slightly as Bokuto walks over to the dusty photographs in Akaashi's bookshelf. "Has he told you about his family?"

"...No. He always looks at them first thing in the morning and the last thing before he leaves- if he ever leaves the office." Kageyama answers quietly, moving to stand beside him to stare at the old photograph beside a collection of CCG awards. There was two adults there, with dark haired girl, presumably Akaashi's older sister holding his hand. "I heard he's all alone now."

"Yeah." Bokuto mumbles, glossing over the other photograph in the shelf. A team picture of Akaashi's second year- when they'd found out they qualified to Nationals. His arms were around Akaashi, pulling the sixteen year old setter close to smoosh their cheeks together. There was a nostalgic look of exasperation on Akaashi, but the smile on him had been genuine. Bokuto's heart twists. "An Aogiri ghoul wiped his whole family shortly after I was killed."

"Why?"

"Who knows? But I don't think they realized they've created a monster capable of overthrowing them."

Akaashi's student is quiet, frown appearing on his forehead as Bokuto goes back to folding trousers. It seems that most of the higher ranking investigators live in the building, mainly their office. Certainly the white couch in Akaashi's office is big enough for two, but it doesn't seem to be able to accommodate his long legs.

Kageyama goes back to his desk, picking up a pen and returning to his work, but he would stop every so often and look at the bookshelf. Then, his phone rings and Kageyama pulls it out, before scribbling a note on a bright orange notepad in the shape of a volleyball before picking his suit jacket up from his chair. "Bokuto-san, let's get some lunch."

"Erm-"

"Yeah, yeah." Kageyama calmly waves a hand, stepping out of the office as Bokuto have no choice but to follow. "I know you can't eat. We'll go to the noodle house first and then you can eat your meal that Suga-san prepared." They pass the RC Gate and Bokuto squints his eyes as the sun weakly shines through the layer of dark clouds. The sun feels warm on his skin, but he can't shake off the worry and dread pooling in his stomach.

Akaashi is returning from the hospital. How will he react? Does he know that Bokuto's back? Does he even remember who Bokuto was? Does he know that his mentor is currently in an isolation room, sitting bored out of his mind? What will Akaashi think of how- how will he treat him? Will he raise his quinque or will he back off? They're enemies now, human and ghoul. 

"...I can't believe it."

"Huh?" Bokuto looks at Kageyama, who points at a large billboard. There's a bubble of laughter threatening to flutter out. Oikawa (he thinks it's Oikawa, he looks like the man Iwaizumi keeps on talking about) is talking to a newscaster about his bachelor status and the state of the CCG, but it's not secret that the news reporter flirting with him. He snorts, crossing the street as several people twists their heads towards them. " _Ohmygod_ aren't you embarrassed?"

Like a turtle trying to go back into its shell, Kageyama shrinks, dusty pink appearing across his nose. "I don't know him. I don't know him. He's not my mentor's friend. He's not the one I idolize."

"Idolize?" Bokuto grins, nudging the ghoul investigator until he turns a beet red color. Akaashi's student is too fun to poke at. "Is he the reason why you were a ghoul investigator?"

"...Yes. But I also idolize Akaashi-san." Kageyama continues to blush a fiery red as he enters the noodle house, and Bokuto spots a yakiniku stand beside the shop and releases a nostalgic sigh. "He graduated at the age of 22, spent a year training further under Arima-san's special group before being assigned to Iwaizumi-san! He met the Owl twice and slayed his first SS ranked ghoul at 23. His nickname is the Grim Reaper of the CCG."

Kageyama stops to breath in some noodles, and Bokuto takes this time to look around the noodle house, noting the kind noodle master humming as he boils more noodles for afternoon patrons. It's a charming place, but there are too many humans here and he feels his throat start to close. Kageyama's flesh is making him swim, but the smell of cooked pork and fatty broth neutralizes that. He idly rubs his forehead. "Why Grim Reaper?" He always wondered that.

"He's very gentle- his way of killing. He does it in the most painless way- aims for the head so it's quick. The media started to dub him as an escort of death and the name has stuck." The door to the shop opens and he sees Call me Suga enter, nose and ears red from the biting cold as he sheds his thick coat and orders a super spicy mapo tofu and shoyu ramen to go "Suga-san! Hello!"

"Hello Kageyama, Bokuto-san." The ghoul researcher smiles, and Bokuto blinks in surprise at his kindness, watching the grey haired man exchange a few bill for his order. On the surface, the man doesn't particularly look harmful, but the suitcase by his feet is giving Bokuto the bad vibes. "Ready to go?"

Kageyama jumps up and slaps a bill on the counter, saying a very loud  _thank you for the meal!_  as Suga leads Bokuto outside, shivering as a particular cold blast of wind hits them. Kageyama chatters excitedly about Akaashi coming back and demonstrates some punches he's been working on, nearly walking into a fire hydrant as they enter the blissfully heated building.

"Ah, I've prepared you your meal, Bokuto-san." Call me Suga smiles politely as the elevator shoots up. Cameras swivel towards them. Security guards all glare from their station at Bokuto, and he scurries after the investigators, entering the clean research department. Only two people are there as of now. A young blond lady is typing away furiously, headset in one ear. The other is a man, short haired with a broader build than Kageyama's, reading glasses perched on top of his head as he looks up from a report.

"Suga! Thanks!" The researcher happily takes one of the bags from Call me Suga before passing a bill. "The meal you asked for is ready- it's in the room over." He jerks a thumb before opening the bag.

"Thanks, Daichi."

Daichi nods coolly at Bokuto as he passes. The blond lady looks up, before flinching as Bokuto meets her eyes. He enters what looks like a spare office and sees two syringes and an arm.

"I don't know how much ghouls need to eat." Call me Suga starts to ramble, rubbing Bokuto's vein with alcohol before injecting the needle. "That's a reversal to the suppressants. Don't try anything funny, I have my quinque with me. Just enjoy your meal."

His kakugan reappears as he sniffs the arm, pulling a face at the stale stench hanging around the flesh. He's had worse- stringy ghoul meat that was unappetizing and actual human food. A day old arm wasn't so bad, he thinks, digging his teeth into it and ignoring Kageyama's curious eyes. His hunger goes away in a few bites, but he swallows the whole thing- skin, bones and cartilage before another needle is injected and he feels his kakuhou growing weaker and weaker.

"Just go first." Suga says to him, "I need to grab something from Kuroo's office with Kageyama."

His stomach coils violently, arm threatening to reappear as he steps closer to  _the_ office. He can smell it. Sweet petrichor, subtle quinque metal, and cotton. The scent of coffee coming out from the bottom of the office door doesn't so anything but rile him up, and inadvertently, because he's panicking, he feels his kakuja mask wrap around his face the split second he opens the door to Akaashi's voice.

The ghoul investigator's eyes comically widens, before anger and fury darkens his eyes and he steps on the shards of porcelain on the floor, shattering it into smaller pieces underneath his shoes, his good hand pulling out a quinque. Bokuto freezes, shoulders moving inward as he hears a quick dash of footsteps-

"AKAASHI NO!"

" _Fukurou!_ Get away Suga!"

"No! No! NO!" Kuroo pushes Bokuto out of the way, aiding Call me Suga to restrain Akaashi, which is no easy feat despite one of his arm being in a sling. Suga disarms him, and the chimera quinque returns to its dormant form, no longer pulsing angrily at Bokuto. "We haven't explained!-  _He's harmless!_ -"

"What is Owl doing here?  _Kuroo why is there a ghoul in my office?_ " Akaashi spits out angrily, and Bokuto winces at the obvious rage in his voice. He has never, ever heard Akaashi angry before. Exasperation and irritation, yes, but not anger. Never anger. The tallest investigator pushes Akaashi onto a couch, and Bokuto decides to wipe the coffee spill at the floor as his head swims with Akaashi's smell. The cloying sweet smell is threatening to push his kakuja out out his shoulders, and he desperately concentrates on the white porcelain shards when Kuroo calls out to him.

"Can you remove your mask? It's making him panic." 

His body obeys while his brain screams. The mask disappears and he studies the floor, picking up Akaashi's accelerated heartbeat, and Suga's inhalation. His hands tremble and he looks up, grimacing as he meets the eyes of the man who's his everything, his dark eyes skating over him- over his hair and eyes and the fact that he was Owl a mere moment ago.

" _...Hey, Akaashi._ "

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i just made myself sad from adding that last quote.


	6. My Dear Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you see how fast i'm updating these days? i love spring breaks.
> 
> Also, i love aura. Aura is like the tokyo ghoul akaashi for me. she's so pretty-uGH SHE SHOULD HAVE MORE SCREEN TIME

"...Where's Arima?"

"Skipping."

"Again? This is an emergency too..."

"What do I tell you every single time? He ain't interesting in this..."

Akaashi crumples the napkin in his hand tighter as they sit down, senior investigators sitting across of him. The mood is already bleak, and Ushiwaka adds to that affect by shutting all the blinds and depriving the room of what sunlight can manage to claw its way through the clouds. Oikawa stands off to the side, opting to lean against the wall and give his chair to Ushiwaka for the emergency meeting. Every member of the Special Class is in attendance, and the normal six chairs around the table expands to the strong number of eighteen as the 20th ward is swarmed with high ranked investigators from Tokyo.

"Are you back, Akaashi-san?"

"Yes. The Director signed me out as of this morning." He replies to Aura, who sits directly across of him. They have no papers or folders, and the room falls to a tense silence as Oikawa steps forward in front of Ushiwaka.

"Let's quiet down, yes? The meeting will start." Oikawa calmly says, "Kuroo, do you want to say a few words?"

The large screen in front of them lights up, and Akaashi sees Iwaizumi's and Bokuto's profile blown up. "Following the extermination of a ghoul restaurant in the 1st ward, SS ranked ghoul Iwaizumi Hajime and SSS ranked Fukuro appeared. They insisted to be taken back to the CCG, and Aone and myself took care of them." Akaashi is carefully watching Oikawa's facial features, but his senior wears a calm mask when several eyes shoots towards him. "They claim that the Aogiri will bring the CCG down."

"Hasn't it always been like that?" Marude sourly mutters.

"...Hm, I'd like to see them try."

Ushiwaka waves a hand for the murmuring to cease. "Oikawa, what do you think?"

"...They know about our Quinxs. The information has traveled as far to the Aogiri, so if we are to go to battle, they would have the upper hand. Their numbers currently are at par to ours, of if not more. They have the advantage now." Oikawa icily says, clearly not pleased with the way information has been smuggled out. "Akaashi is hurt- his arm will mend in three months. Do you think we have the man power to do that?"

The room is quiet, and Akaashi sees Aura glance at her fingernails, before saying in an offhanded way, "It would make a difference if we have those two ghouls working for us."

"What?!"

"Aura-san!"

"How could you say that, Aura?"

Aura keeps her face passive, dark eyes darting around the room until she stares at Ushiwaka, and dips her head in respect. "Their numbers are high now, but think of what we can do to lower that if we have two ghouls who are part of the Aogiri in our arsenal."

"What you're saying is we use those two ghouls to lower the numbers- to pluck as much as we can out to even out the manpower before exterminating them." Oikawa says, a furrow increasing between his eyebrows. "We guarantee their lives for information."

"What if they give us false leads?" Akaashi points out. He meets Akira's even gaze across the table, her green eyes turning blue from the screen. Amon frowns a little as he says, "We can't be played like Kureo Mado."

Akira nods at him, and Oikawa shoots him a scathing look. "What do you suggest?"

"Eyepatch. There was one more ghoul in the vicinity of the night we did a recon for Owl. We ranked him as a C, harmless, his kagune isn't even fully developed yet. They must be comrades if Owl took Eyepatch out of the way." Akaashi says, reaching forward to flick Eyepatch's profile up. "We don't know what kind of connection they have, but it's worth a shot. With your approval, Director, I'd like to assign him to Kageyama to capture alive. We can guarantee that the two ghouls will not lie if we have a checkmate."

"...That's very dirty of you, Akaashi." Tanakamaru whistles, and beside him, Aura raises one fair eyebrow. Akaashi glances at Ushiwaka, who looks at Oikawa. A terse moment passes between them, and Ushiwaka nods.

"Bring Eyepatch alive. Dismissed!"

Akaashi stands up, and as he passes Ushiwaka, there's a light tap on his shoulder. Ushiwaka points to the seat nearest to him. "I want to talk to you about something first. Your partner's new assignment can wait."

"...Yes, Director."

Ushiwaka fiddles with his collar as Amon closes the door shut behind him. "I apologize for not telling you about the ghoul."

"That's fine." It isn't, but Ushiwaka has granted his partner a new assignment, so he could at least be civil to him.

"But since Kageyama will be tracking Eyepatch down, someone will need to keep an eye on the ghoul. Do you see where I'm going with this?"

Akaashi glares at him. "Why can't we stick him in Cochlea?"

Oikawa replies scathingly, "Aka-chan don't be so rude! There's a law preventing us for sticking random ghouls into Cochlea!"

"Oikawa's right. As of now Iwaizumi is in an isolation cell-"

"Why can't he be in an isolation cell as well?"

Ushiwaka narrows his eyes at him, ice creeping into his voice. Akaashi suddenly feels like a child again, facing his mother's infamous wrath after he tracked mud into the house. "Because the isolation cell is bad enough for one ghoul who hasn't done anything wrong. All the other investigators have partners. Oikawa will be too busy planning the extermination. And you're dismissed from field work until your arm heals properly, so I'm sorry, but protocol calls for a Special Investigator to look after an SSS ranked ghoul."

"...Yes, Director." Akaashi says with a stiff upper lip, rising from his chair and giving Ushiwaka a stiff bow as the door closes. Oikawa walks beside him, unusually silent. The tension is back between them.

"Akaashi?"

"Yes?" The elevator opens to a ding.

"The Department of Research wants you to oversee the questioning of the ghouls with Kuroo." Oikawa says, seriousness present in his voice. It's been a long time since his mentor has looked this focused. Oikawa runs a hand through his curls, walking straight towards his office with Akaashi trailing behind him. The door opens, and he sees Oikawa's white office with a roomba cleaning around his piano. His mentor hands him a stack of folders. "They're all in here. Be sure to read them carefully. They cannot have a moment to themselves—"

"—Because they have the opportunity to make up lies to fool us. I know, Oikawa." Akaashi takes the folders in his good hand, stepping over the enthusiastic roomba scrubbing the area around his feet. Oikawa goes back to his desk, already starting up his computer with a new found urgency. "Thank you for the files."

Just before he tries to balance the files and open the door with one hand, Oikawa's voice calls out again, this time it's thin and causes Akaashi to whip his head around quickly.

"...Aka-chan?"

"...What is it?" Oikawa moves quickly in front of him before dropping his head on Akaashi's shoulders. The smell of apple shampoo and a whiff of cologne is present. Oikawa looks like a veteran who's seen too many wars stuck in a 35 year old body. His shoulders are weighed down by eons of worries and the ever present fear of which one them are going to be killed next from ghoul exterminations. "Oikawa?"

"I'm so, so sorry." He says quietly. "I took out my anger to you-"

"It's—"

"It's  _not_ fine, Akaashi!" His mentor's voice goes from turquoise to muddy pond water with bits of seaweed floating through it. It's thick with emotion and Akaashi feels like his lungs are going to drown from it. Oikawa's shoulders are shaking- from the weight of the world or from the guilt eating him. "I shouldn't have said all of that. I don't blame you— please know that. I don't blame you. I don't blame you.  _I never blamed you for him._ "

He sees Iwaizumi in front of him, lying with a puddle of blood with an open wound on his neck, glassy eyes staring far, far away, and Akaashi flinches before dropping the files. "No-no...not again..." 

There are stains on his hand and there's the tang of iron and fear in the air that makes his stomach roll. Oikawa's voice fades into the sound of pebbles being thrown into water, and there's a loud silence encompassing his head. Only Iwaizumi is in front of them, blood spreading towards his pants as Akaashi wills the image to shatter.  _Go away. You're in my head. Iwaizumi-san is safe. He's safe. You're not real, not the real Iwaizumi-_

 

"Nee-san."

She smiles, wrinkles appearing on the corner of her eyes as Akaashi takes a step forward. Her face has lost the roundness, cheekbones showing and small lines appearing on her smooth forehead. Over the years, she comes to him as if she's been aging as well- like she's still alive and well. Her raven hair brushes her neck now. There's a small twist in her smile that speaks volumes. "Keiji."

He's standing right in front of her, still dressed in his office wear as some wind blows her hair forward, hiding her eyes. It's quite a while before the wind dies down but when it does, Akaashi frowns when she's reverted to the age she'd died at. Nineteen. Young dark eyes with long lashes and slightly curly hair and the same clothes she wore the day she died- a white t shirt tucked into a flowy skirt that comes to her knees. She's the symbolism of grace and the pride of their household.

" _Keiji, Keiji, Keiji,"_  She sings, taking him on a walk as the fluffy clouds rolled overhead. He knows this cannot be real simply for the fact that his sister is still in one piece- not mauled by ghouls. It's not real also because of the large body of water he's stepping on is hardly making a ripple as they glide on top of it, water reflecting the sky like one big mirror as far as his eyes can see. "You make things harder for yourself, don't you?"

She grabs his hand and studies it, flipping his palms over before tracing the lines etched and permanent crescent scars from digging his fingernails too deeply into the flesh. 

"...These are not the hands of a setter."

"No," He agrees, "they're not."

Her white pinky traces the cracks in his knuckles and purple veins flowing up his wrist with scars lining his arm from past injuries and healed skin. "...These are the hands of someone who has abandoned their childhood and chased after ghouls like it's an unhealthy hobby. How did you become like this, Keiji? Revenge has destroyed people in the past. You shouldn't be one of them-"

"It's..." His throat swells, "it's for you...and our family. And..."

"The ghoul." She says, dropping his hand, "your only motive for the CCG was to slay Owl because he killed Bokuto. But Bokuto is now a ghoul. Are you still going to be allied to the CCG? They were people you loved, but now they've become the enemy. How will you treat the enemy?"

"I don't know!" Akaashi whirls around to his sister, throat stinging as he crouches down and digs his hand into his hair. Iwaizumi and Bokuto are important to him. Were important. "I thought they were dead! I mourned them! They torment me in my head but I still loved them- and now they're alive! What do I do?" 

She's becoming transparent in front of him, skin fading gradually as her voice grows fainter. Her anger shows through the words as he reaches out reflexively, and his fingers passes through her body like air, swiping at water vapor. "I know you know what to do in your heart, Keiji. Stop beating yourself up and learn how to forgive yourself! You can't grow if you're always stuck in the past! You have to move  _forward_ , dumdum!"

And he stumbles forward onto the mirror like water, and watches as a large crack starts to break into the ground as he free falls into the darkness.

_  
_

Akaashi wakes up, slitting his eyes like a snake as voices enter his ears.

"—Anxiety attacks... He gets triggered easily. Most of the times he's awake, but he does sometimes faint if he's too tired. Hot milk soothes him, but if he throws that up try juice..." The sky outside Oikawa's office is pitch black, and Akaashi slumps back onto the pillows stacked behind his head as his broken arm twinges in discomfort. Someone had carried him onto the white couch and brought him a thin comforter. The walls of his mentor's office is like his, sparse bookshelf filled with meaningless CCG awards and past trophies that has gathered dust. The only thing on Oikawa's desk is a picture of young Oikawa and Iwaizumi, before ghouls tore their family apart.

"...Doesn't look like he eats much, does he?" Says a new voice, lower, dark gold tones that makes Akaashi internally groans in horror because why in the world would Oikawa tell the ghoul that he has panic attacks? His sister's words echoes in his ears. "Shouldn't the CCG take him off cases until he's stable?"

"We're short of staff. Aogiri attacks and ghoul exterminations by Chairman Ushijima doesn't help either. Kageyama usually takes care of him but he'll be running an errand for the next few weeks. He thinks he knows how to take care of himself but he forgets sometimes. I can't check on Akaashi every single hour...  _please_ , if you could...look after him."

Akaashi lies there, eyes wide open as he blinks stupidly at the ceiling as Oikawa rattles off the little things Akaashi likes (how does he even notice that he doesn't like butter on his toast or the fact that he likes watching the sunrise with Kuroo when they're working over time or how he likes to waste time in the shower), and he hears the scratch of a pencil on paper and closes his eyes when he feels the vibration of heavy footsteps near him.

A soothing touch on his forehead and Oikawa's apple shampoo and something metallic- the ghoul, Akaashi assumes- wafts over him. 

"...How long?" Goes Oikawa quietly, and Akaashi nearly frowns at the vague question but smooths his forehead just in time for the hand to run itself through his long bangs.

"...Always." Bokuto says firmly, quietly as he feels his blankets tugged back to his collarbones. At the, "...His hair's grown longer," Akaashi remembers of the butterfly caresses and warm hands and the ever comforting warmth from the human Bokuto. It's as if he's being washed by a strong current and there's all these memories suddenly springing back into his head, of long hours in the gymnasium, walls orange with sunset, going to Shibuya during the weekends, hot afternoons as they run around the neighborhood to train for the Inter High, cold nights where he dozed off, talking to his cellphone as the clock on his bedside tells him that it's nearly dawn, his ears painted with light gold as Bokuto quietly laughs in his ear. He doesn't know why he's suddenly transported to a whole world of nostalgia and the ever cheery  _toss to me Akaashi!_  but he does, and he feels a painful twist coming from his chest. 

Oikawa makes an  _mhm_ sound, and the two walk out of the office, roomba whirring after their footsteps as Akaashi brings his good hand to his cheeks, feeling the strange warmth blooming there and the heavy ache in his chest.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kageyama is hunting hinata down. dundundun


	7. Omake: Coffee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> little fluff of akaashi and bokuto before ghouls ripped them apart. this is a happy mini chapter. enjoy because i literally wrote this in like, an hour.

"Hurry! Hurry!"

Akaashi lets a little breathless laugh escape his mouth as Bokuto follows him home. They enter his neighborhood, looking ridiculous as they run with their jerseys over their heads, backpacks drenched in water as rain continues to splatter their clothing ever since they stepped out of Fukurodani grounds. There's a large puddle ahead, and Bokuto grabs his hand, warm on his cold skin as they leap over it.

And they're off giggling again as Akaashi opens the gate and Bokuto shakes off the water that ruined his gel to no point of return. There's a quiet murmur of where the light switch it and which slippers belong to whose before Bokuto pads his way into his bedroom, catching a towel thrown at him as Akaashi pats his own face dry.

It's nice.

Sleepovers like these are part of him now. They go to school, Bokuto brings a slightly larger bag to practice, they walk to Akaashi's house, Bokuto eats with his family and entertains them before they retire to Akaashi's room. Then they would try to do homework before Bokuto takes command of his laptop and they watch a documentary from National Geographic before it's light's out.

"What is it today?" Akaashi asks quietly, mood lifting from the impromptu rain and Bokuto's smiles in a way that holds secrets and laughter. "Classical Literature?"

"That and Modern Japanese." The ace pouts a little, blinking like his namesake as he runs a hand through his hair. "Damn. My gel is gone."

"Your hair looks fine the way it is, Bokuto-san." Akaashi manages to strangle out less than gracefully, folding himself as he opens Bokuto's textbook to hide the creeping heat going up his neck. "It's just a little rain." He pushes the textbook towards the ace, before going in and explaining the finer points of double meanings in a passage as the rain continues to assault the world outside.

"How's today's color?" Bokuto asks after two hours of actual homework. Akaashi stops punching in numbers into his calculator before cocking his head towards the window. It was a complete accident wherein Bokuto found out that he had synesthesia. They were talking about music and how a certain artist sounds foggy when Akaashi lets it slip and Bokuto had hung onto his every word since then.

"Light grey. Like a woolen scarf. And yours is light gold, as always." He adds, before Bokuto grins, closing his textbook with a muffled thump as Akaashi resigns himself to crawl up to his bed. His captain reaches for his laptop before waking it up, fingers flying over the keyboard as he enlarges the screen before sitting right next to him.

The heat radiating off Bokuto was enough to cause drowsiness to fall on him. The rain doesn't help either, with it's soft tendrils snaking around their feet like mist. For once, Bokuto is quiet, staring at the screen with unhindered passion and excitement. Their towels still hung loose over their necks...and if Akaashi leans in just a little, enough to let their bare elbows brush with sparks, he can almost smell...

It's dark when he opens his eyes again, and he dares not move because there's a very heavy something slumped on his chest with mussed hair and the scent of Bokuto's deodorant.

His captain is breathing evenly, laptop somehow not on the floor despite their precarious position of Akaashi being half on his back and side with Bokuto on his chest. There's an ache in his chest that he's grown to, but it comes tenfold and he carefully rests his cheek on Bokuto's dry hair, breathing in the mint shampoo and becoming warm. The comforter by their feet covers them, and he feels Bokuto squirm his way to a better position as the clock on the wall ticks past 3 in the morning.

The moon is out now, rain far long gone as all Akaashi hears is drips from the rooftops onto the cement below. It's a quaint little oasis he has built with his mind, and he thinks of how he can just lie here endlessly with his captain around him, his head filled with Bokuto, Bokuto, Bokuto and satisfying his heart. Akaashi becomes rather bold in his still groggy state and runs his hand through Bokuto's hair, closing his eyes as the ace's breathing picks up.

"...Mmm.."

"...We fell asleep."

Bokuto cracks one golden eye open, turning away to yawn before realizing his position. He goes bright red in the face, not that Akaashi can tell because his room is pretty dark, but he feels Bokuto squirm before edging away slightly.

"...I think futons are pointless now."

Akaashi gives a short little laugh, missing the way Bokuto's eyes lights up at the sound coming from him. He stands up before looking back, "Do you want some coffee?"

"Yeah sure!"

They tip toe down the staircase, Bokuto peeking into his sister's room where she has headphones covering her ears, ten or so books spread open on her table as she pulls another all nighter studying into the university of her choice. They pass his parent's room before Akaashi hits the switch and squints from the bright lights probing into his eyes. There's a whir behind him and he sees Bokuto turn on the coffee machine as he digs out some pre-grinded beans. 

Hushed whispers of combo moves and strategies fills the gaps of their quiet conversation. Coffee is diffused into the heavy air of gold dust motes and silver chips. Bokuto has his chin on the breakfast bar, bangs brushing his eyebrows as Akaashi stirs in some milk and sugar before putting a pinch of cinnamon into Bokuto's coffee. Their fingers brush, making Akaashi nearly drop the cup as they trudge back into his room, Bokuto complaining of the cold morning floors and his droopy hair.

They go over Bokuto's homework again because he has a test today. The cup of coffee nearly goes cold as they watch the sky turn from black to purple outside. Akaashi drops his head onto his bed, feeling his body start to crash and groaning when the caffeine won't kick in. He should have gone to bed properly, but it's the last day before the weekends so it won't be so bad to struggle through seven hours-

He looks up and meets Bokuto's warm face staring at his.

The air is heavy again, and Akaashi half expects the ace to whip his head back, but he doesn't. He doesn't and Akaashi feel heat pool around his cheeks and feels his stomach squirm when Bokuto closes his eyes and darts forward.

And he's not ready for the spark that runs down his spine or the bitter aftertaste of coffee as cinnamon floods his mouth. Bokuto manages to nick his bottom lip somehow, and he pulls back as Akaashi runs his tongue on it, feeling blood blooming and swallowing the iron taste as Bokuto goes completely red.

"I..I think I like you..."

"...I think you were suppose to say that before you kiss someone, Bokuto-san. Also, you bit me." He says all of this with a straight face that has the ace wondering how he can keep it motionless for so long despite Komi's pranks. Akaashi's blood is dancing, and it must be the caffeine kicking in with the adrenaline because he feels like he can outrun Bokuto in today's warm up when he slowly goes forward and kisses Bokuto again.

To be completely honest they both have no idea what they're doing. It's awkward, coupled with hesitant brushes of Akaashi's hand on Bokuto's jaw and Bokuto skirting his hand around Akaashi's slim waist as they go for it.

But it's warm. It's comfortable and Akaashi puts more pressure on Bokuto's mouth and opens his eyes as the ace pulls back, face flushed with his mouth lined with a sheen of saliva. "W-Whoa. That..."

"...Was hot..." His thumb brushes Bokuto's mouth carefully, speaking his mind as Bokuto laughs before cutting it off, eyes bugging in the direction of his neighbors. But it doesn't stop the wide grin spreading on his face, and Akaashi lets his mouth quirk up a little, grabbing his cup of coffee, drinking the last dregs as the sun finally enters his window.

Bokuto eagerly settles himself beside Akaashi, dropping his head onto his shoulders, bangs tickling the area where his collar ends and meets his bare skin. They're both looking at the sun rising, feet splayed out onto the carpeted floors of Akaashi's bedroom as they hold their mugs. It's not enough it seems, the kisses. They start out as innocent pecks before Bokuto goes for a long one and Akaashi is the one pulling back, head heady with mint and cinnamon and fabric softener of his bed sheets.

Akaashi can hear his parents make breakfast below. The house is slowly waking up, pan sizzling as the coffee machine hums along the television broadcasting today's forecast of sun showers. He hears the familiar pad of his sister's footsteps going down, staircase creaking as Bokuto places his mug down.

"...I love your coffee."

There's nothing holding him back as Akaashi kisses Bokuto's pink cheeks, before tugging the ace down to his pillows. "Let's lie in before we have to go."

"Yes, Vice-Captain."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think this is my first time writing this much fluff uwu i hope you like it!


	8. My Dear Beloved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (awkwardedgeworth.tumblr.com/ISWWYG)  
> i can't believe i made a page about this fic so yeah, i also drew bokuto and akaashi! feel free to glance at it!
> 
> Recommended songs for this chapter:  
> New Divide by Linkin Park (because akaashi listens to these type of songs when he works out)

Akaashi grunts, darting back before spinning around and hooking his leg at the target. Even with one arm useless, he keeps his balance as the dummy crashes down from its stand with a loud thump. He breathes heavily, sweat trailing down his forehead as he steps forward, feet sinking into the red mats, struggling to heave the target up with only one good arm before a voice he's heard in his head cuts him off.

"Here."

He allows the ghoul to aid him, taking the time to study the way Bokuto's salt and pepper hair is spiked up. It's different from the way he'd done it during high school. Back then it was more electrifying, nowadays, it's more groomed, and classy looking.

He frowns, "Thanks." Bokuto goes back to his corner, nodding silently as Akaashi studies the target again, snapping his legs forward as a loud smack echoes inside the gym. It's past four in the morning already, and the only ones in the building were those poor souls on night shifts and most of the special investigators who reside in the buildings themselves. 

There's a prickling feeling at the back of his neck that tells him that the ghoul is watching him. Akaashi wishes he can drop him off with Kageyama, but his student is preparing and signing the paperwork to be dispatched for Eyepatch. Oikawa is sleeping normally for once, having finished all of his paperwork a few hours ago before snoring on the couch. Kuroo had gone home with Daichi, sneaking kisses when they think no one would notice, and he doesn't want to disturb Yachi because she's been working non stop on a new quinque for Amon.

With the situation as it is, they've been reserved: Past Akaashi has always studied his ace carefully, focusing on the height and angle where he would think the ball would be tossed best, and Past Bokuto would be the one jumping around the gym. 

He unhinges the dummy again and waves Bokuto back down, walking on the squishy mats to his water bottle and towel stacked on the sides. Akaashi pops the top of his water bottle open and squirts it into his mouth, thinking of the problem at hand.

Bokuto is a ghoul.

But he's also the one Past Akaashi wanted to spend his whole life with. Unlike Oikawa and Iwaizumi, who were definitely not puzzle pieces, Akaashi doesn't know what to make of him. How does he treat him? Nicely?  _Oh hello Bokuto-san, where have you been this past decade?_ How is he a ghoul? How is his kakuja the same as Owl's?  _Is_ he related to Owl? Does he think Akaashi as a hypocrite? What does he think of Akaashi, becoming a heartless ghoul investigator who's killing rate rivals Arima Kishou's?  _Why should he care about what Bokuto thinks?_  What does he feel for Akaashi?  _Why should Bokuto feel anything for Akaashi other than fear?_

Akaashi stills for a moment, before driving his leg angrily into another dummy and sending it crashing to the floor as he stalks off to the changing rooms.

Bokuto does a good job of staying out of his way- most of the time. Akaashi has poured coffee on his dress shirts more than he could have possibly thought in the span of half a day from accidentally bumping into him, but now, with him showering, the ghoul awkwardly hangs around the doorway of the showers, half visible in the thick steam from the hot water as Akaashi sticks his head under the current. He goes about doing his business, ignoring the sneaked looks the ghoul doesn't think he sees before wrapping a towel and opening his locker for new clothes.

"We're going out."

"Eh?" Bokuto looks up, a little shocked as Akaashi tugs a robe on instead, walking quickly through the empty hallways. The ghoul stumbles after him as Akaashi holds open the office door, going to his bathroom to dig for normal civilian clothes that doesn't consist of stuffy office wear. He's greeted by a pair of black jeans, a chunky belt that Oikawa gave him, and a thick, dark green coat with a furry hood. "Where?"

"I broke Kageyama's cup." Is all he says, before buttoning a red plaid shirt with clear struggle. Bokuto moves forward to help but Akaashi gives him the cold shoulder, pushing the buttons in with sore fingers. "Do you have something else other than your...Aogiri clothes?"

Bokuto looks down at his black t-shirt and pants as Akaashi tugs a beanie over his hair. The last thing he wants is for the public to recognize him and have Bokuto's face plastered all over the news and alert the Aogiri of where he is. 

"Um... No."

"...Are you serious?"

"What?" Bokuto squawks at him, scowling, "Do you expect me to pack a suitcase and tell Tatara that Iwaizumi and I will be taking a vacation? Of course not!"

"So you only have those clothes on you- and how long have you been wearing them?"

"None of your beeswax!" Bokuto shots back childishly, before gulping as Akaashi narrows his eyes and throws a few articles of clothing at him. He's thankful that his office is still dark, because there's absolutely no way the ghoul can know that he's embarrassed from their long exchange just now. Bokuto is muttering under his breath, pulling the t-shirt over his head and tugging on one of Akaashi's oldest sweater and jeans. The sweater has long faded into a blur of grey, and the jeans a hue of cloudy blue.

"You're still too recognizable." He curtly says, not even hiding his glare a little as he looks the ghoul up and down. "Can't you do something with your hair?"

"No." Bokuto petulantly pouts, and Akaashi feels like he's sixteen all over again, baby sitting (actually he  _is_ babysitting. It's just that now Ushiwaka pays him) the ace before he plunges into his dejected mode. "Just give me a hat or something if my hair bothers you so much."

"It's not so much of a bother as I don't want the cameras to put your face on the billboards." He mutters, stepping out of the office to go to Yachi since she has a vast collection of random clothes in her office for no apparent reason. He clucks his tongue, "Come on."

Yachi isn't by her desk when he enters the research department, and Akaashi sits on the couch before letting out a big yawn, holding a hand towards the sunrise coming up right in his face. The door opens, and he sees Yachi's tired albeit bright eyes widening as she greets him. "Akaashi-san!"

"I hope I'm not bothering you." He stands up, "I need to go to Shibuya this morning. Do you have any clothes that'll hide the ghoul?"

Her eyes gleams as she drops off a suitcase by her desk. She clamps her hand around Bokuto's wrist and drags him to the back rooms, running in her neon pumps. "I have just the thing for you, Bokuto-san!" 

"T-This!-"

"Nope. Not your color. What about this?"

"...No."

"Aw, I thought it looked fine. What about this one?"

"Don't you have something more  _oh I don't know_  low key maybe?"

The scuffling from the back dies down and Akaashi lets out another big yawn, letting his head droop on the couch. He's nearly dozing off when Yachi's orange voice goes into his hear, announcing that  _Bokuto's ready, please open your eyes Akaashi-san!_

The ghoul fidgets uncomfortably in his clothes, pulling at the neck of a navy sweater and frayed scarf wrapped around his neck. Akaashi raises a brow at the fake glasses adorning his face. "Is this what's in these days?"

"Yep!"

"...Alright, Yachi. Thank you." He pulls down his beanie before flicking it to the ghoul, who snatches it reflexively. "It'll hide your hair. Let's go, let's go, I don't have all day."

Yachi waves them goodbye energetically, and Akaashi steps outside for the first time in days, breathing in the cold air and balling his hands inside his pocket for warmth. There's frost covering the windows of nearby shops and they make a run for the Shinkansen that's just arriving in the station. They're met by a lot of stares on the morning commute to town and Akaashi wonders if he should have toned down the scarf around Bokuto.

Shibuya wasn't better. He was used to public outings with Oikawa, mostly because everyone turned their attention to him instead of Akaashi, but it seems that everyone passing them takes a moment out of their day to glance at the two of them. His feet moves faster to a random department store and he makes a beeline to the house ware section, nose dripping from the cold.

"...I knew it was your hair."

Bokuto looks up from a teapot, mildly offended, "Uh, no. It was you. Definitely you. None of them would recognize me in this funny suit if I walk right up to them." 

"Me?" Akaashi scoffs.

"Yeah!" Bokuto shoots back, rose gold tinging the air, voice climbing to a near shout as Akaashi looks from side to side at the workers staring at them. "It's like you're a brooding supermodel! Cut the scowl and look normal! Jesus- that's why they were people staring at us- you're. Too. Pretty." Then, after realizing what he'd just said, Bokuto clamps his mouth shut with an audible click. Akaashi fights the heat crawling up his neck and darkens his expression. He squeaks and straightens from his sulking posture, cheeks heating up (and Akaashi has intrusive thoughts about whether ghouls have the ability blush or not) as he splutters senseless things while bowing furiously to him.

"...Alright." His voice is faint, but he clears his throat before looking back at the mugs, spotting a squat black crow before rolling it around in his hands. Even the grey eyes are similar to Kageyama's. "I think Kageyama will like this, let's go."

The ghoul mumbles something affirmative behind him and Akaashi stares deadpanned at the cashier. He lets a tiny frown scuttle across his face and she turns white under her bangs before wrapping the mug with newspapers and handing it to him. They calmly walk out of the store, and Akaashi makes a split second decision and heads to another store.

"...You don't have any clothes correct?"

"Oi!-"

"Ten minutes. Pick anything." He pulls out his newly repaired phone and opens the stopwatch app, looking dead serious as Bokuto stares at him. "Please buy something appropriate, ghoul."

Maybe it was the way he said it that makes it so similar to  _please refrain from going into dejected moods, Bokuto-san_ that he sees a quick grin flash across his face. Bokuto runs straight towards the shirts, and Akaashi leans against one of the columns near the entrance, wondering what the hell did he just do now- he's never this rash with others. He's the one who's calm and collected and thinks- not this...mess. 

Bokuto is bad for his health, Akaashi gloomily decides as Bokuto zooms back to him with a bundle of clothes.

"Did you try them on?" He doesn't fancy returning to Shibuya to exchange pants and whatnot.

"Yes!"

He takes out his still stiff wallet that was a birthday present from Oikawa and marches up to the cashier who's too peppy and cheerful for him. He mumbles a thank you, and follows Bokuto's lead back towards the train station, seeing nothing but the ghoul who is also his....

_What is Bokuto to him now?_

 

Kuroo intercepts him on the way to his office, looking up and down at his attire with an amused twitch in his eye. Akaashi glares at him a little, daring him to call him out on his street clothes which he hasn't worn for a good five years. "Akaashi," The sly investigator waves a report before giving it to him, black dress shirt rolled up to his elbows again. "Bring the ghoul to the room in ten."

He grunts, before hailing a messenger boy to send Bokuto's new clothes to the washers. He quickly changes in his office before he's seen by anyone else and places the new mug at Kageyama's desk. His student won't be leaving until the evening, so he should have a chance to use it.

The walk to the room is quick, and the ghoul seems to know what's happening. Bokuto goes to sit in the chair quietly, air metallic with the RC Suppressant gas being filtered into the room, and Akaashi leaves to go to the control room next door, shoes clicking as he opens it.

His mentor greet him as he enters, hair curled to perfection as the overhead light catches his dot tag glinting around his neck. Oikawa looks like a man border-lining face planting into his coffee from lack of sleep. "Are you sure you want to hear this, Aka-chan?"

"Of course, Oikawa." In the lab, Suga is hooking up stickers that will allow them to read the ghoul's heart and breathing rate. Kuroo is fiddling with the computer in front of him, motioning Akaashi to sit in the chair before jamming a pair of sleek headphones into his hands.

"Whenever you're ready."

Akaashi speaks into the headset, reading out loud from the list of questions on the sheet. "Identify yourself if you are a ghoul."

On the other side of the one way mirror, Bokuto's voice enters cleanly into his ears, loud, rich and causing him to dig his fingernails into his palms as he sees amber. "I'm not a ghoul, actually. Half-ghoul would be correct. The CCG seems to have mixed me up with the SSS Ranked  _Fukuro_."

"Who are you before you were turned into a ghoul?"

"Bokuto Koutarou."

"More details."

"Bokuto Koutarou, 'died' at seventeen from the actual SSS Ranked Fukuro after the Nationals match in Tokyo. Both my parents were real estate agents. Oldest son and second oldest in the family. I have an older sister whom I've lost contact with. I'm currently 30 and I used to go to Fukurodani Academy with Akaa-"

"Refrain from going off tangent, ghoul." His voice is hard and it grates in his ears like black tar. Akaashi sees Kuroo's brow furrow and brushes it off. Does he not realize that this tape will be sent to all the special investigators for their own uses? "Do you know how you died?"

"Fukuro killed me. Or I guess injured me to the point where I would pass out but not die. I woke up in a private hospital in the 24th ward and was left there to fend myself off before I stumbled into Iwaizumi-"

"Who is Iwaizumi?"

Akaashi can see the frustration clearly on his face. That's the whole point, to fire off questions as fast as he can to overwhelm the ghoul so nothing but the truth comes out. The heart rate monitor on the corner of his screen accelerates, and in the room, Suga steels his expression. "Your mentor! Iwaizumi Hajime! Special Investigator who died at Fukuro's hands seven years ago!-"

"What happened after that? How did you find out you were a ghoul?"

"Before I saw Iwaizumi I walked in on a ghoul eating a human and got into a fight with it because I crossed her territory. I was panicking and then my kagune came out and killed her. And Iwaizumi appeared and saw my one eye-"

"What has your diet consist of?"

"Dead humans and ghouls." Bokuto twitches, veins in his arm rising out of his skin. Out of the corner of his eyes, Akaashi sees Oikawa move forward in his chair. "There's nothing to eat in the 24th ward. I followed Iwaizumi out of that place and roamed around before the Aogiri found us."

Oikawa digs his fingernails into Akaashi's arm and he rips his headset off. "Lie." 

"No, Aka-chan. Put those back and give me the microphone." Oikawa shoulders his way past Kuroo, who's tugging on his bangs, staring at Suga through the mirror. Akaashi slides his chair off to the side, pressing the button on the microphone so Oikawa can talk. "Hello Ghoul-chan. Were you kicked out of the hospital or did you run away?"

"I-I ran away." On screen, the acceleration of Bokuto's heart lessens. Oikawa's voice has the ability to do that it seems, to soothe others when they're under stress and, really, Akaashi doesn't know why Ushiwaka is making him question the ghoul when his mentor is more skilled at it.

There's concern in Oikawa's voice, oozing with sympathy and Akaashi is ever glad he works with him instead of against him. "But why?"

"...Instinct? The food the hospital had given me didn't fit my palette. Everything tasted like dirt and made me throw up, so I ran away when I smelled something delicious down the hallway, but then- i-it was a dead body- one of the surgery patients died." The machine is going off on the screen, breathing rate spiked as Bokuto pulls his hair. "I-I can't! She just celebrated her 15th birthday the day before and she died and she smelled so good and I wanted to eat her! That's not right, right?  _It's not normal?!_ "

 And he rips the headphones out of his head, opening the door to the examination room as the small camera in the corner captures a frail kagune sprouting from Bokuto's back. Suga tosses him the suitcase, and he presses the handle, a long sword appearing as he trains it on Bokuto's shaking form. Suga is then yelling at Bokuto to calm down, and all the while, Akaashi's mind is quiet.

He loved Bokuto. The Bokuto who first met him as a cheerful second year, sporting a sunny grin as colors suddenly flooded Akaashi's grey world. The one who makes an effort to get him settled into his new classmates by showing footage of Akaashi tossing to their regulars. Bokuto was a force to be reckoned with, shouting for his tosses and jumping like he has wings on his back, words filled with promise as he tells them they will get the banner this year.

And that might have been the moment Akaashi fell for him, with the words of their ace promising that he will lead them to success, victory.

Suga pulls out a syringe, taking the cap off as he walks up to Bokuto, who's still writhing in his chair. Akaashi tightens his grip on the unfamiliar quinque, the metal pulsing evenly in his hand as the ukaku plumage lengthens.

Bokuto erupts as the needle goes in. Akaashi yanks Suga back, taking the brunt of the ghoul's punch as he tosses the quinque away to the mirror. Quickly, he takes Bokuto's fist and pulls him towards him, driving his knee into his side like he did towards the dummy. The ghoul slumps over in shock, and Suga enters the needle, pushing the syringe all the way as Bokuto's kagune crumbles. He curls into a little ball on the clean floors, as Suga walking over to Akaashi, patting him on the elbow as he bends over to retrieve the quinque he'd toss. 

"-m so sorry...Sorry. Sorry.  _Sorry. S-_ "

By the door, he sees that Kuroo and Oikawa had abandoned the questioning. Akaashi doesn't know what to do, and he stands there with a bleeding mouth as Bokuto continues to half sob and half apologize, watching.

Just watching and listening to the dull ringing in his ears.

He flits his eyes quickly enough to see Yamaguchi stand beside Tsukishima, clothes clean unlike his corpse during the extermination of Cobra. "Is this what I look like?"

Yamaguchi sadly smiles.

 

  
With Kageyama's help, he turns the coffee machine on as his partner stacks blankets upon blankets on the still trembling ghoul curled up on the couch. Akaashi rinses three mugs in his tiny kitchenette and watches as the sun starts to dip into the horizon, throwing pinks and oranges into his plain office. If he were to turn now, he would see too much of himself in the ghoul, and that's bad news. It'll change the way he thinks about ghouls and that cannot happen because he still needs to avenge his family. He needs his drive and to pity the ghoul would mean pitying the person he is.

And that is redundant.

Instead, he takes little sneaks from the corner of his eyes. He doesn't know where Kageyama had gotten all the blankets, but it swaddles the ghoul until Bokuto resembles a chick in a nest of white comforters that smells like lavender and fabric softener. In a way, it reminds him of the week following Iwaizumi's death, how Oikawa had refused to come out of his office until Ushiwaka barged in with his master key, he and Suga right at his heels to find his mentor staring at the piano in his office.

The coffee machine beeps, and he prepares three mugs, pouring the coffee before stirring a spoonful of sugar for Kageyama. His hand absent mindedly reaches for some milk and cinnamon before he stills. Kageyama notices this, looking up as Akaashi shakes his head and pours the remaining coffee into two mugs, stacking them on a nearby binder and hoping it won't give out under the heavy porcelain. He carefully holds Bokuto's coffee by the rim, offering it to the ghoul as steam warms his palm.

"Coffee."

The ghoul doesn't look up, and the heat from the mug is burning Akaashi's fingertips, so he places it down before walking to his desk. Kageyama seems to be shocked by his bluntness, looking between the ghoul and Akaashi starting his computer.

As he pretends to busy himself with fiddling around on his computer, he sees an arm start to emerge from the cocoon, fingers wrapping around the cup.

There's still so many questions he wants to be answered, but in the current predicament, it's near impossible. The answers he want will have to wait, and while he waits, he will learn. Learn and look for a chink in his problem before he pries it open.

"Akaashi."

"Hm?"

"...That...was good coffee..."

He looks into Bokuto's eyes, lined with small creases and sweat. It's still the same golden color, a little muted, more guarded, and it worries him when he has the sudden urge to make them alight again to their former state.

Bokuto is a ghoul, and he's dangerous.

"Yeah." Akaashi agrees, looking into his mug as cinnamon and milk blooms inside his mouth like a flower instead of the usual bitterness of his dark roast. He looks down at the report he has to finalize about Kageyama's new target as Eyepatch, wondering what tomorrow will bring them. "Thanks."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm touring a university tomorrow with my friends and. im. so. pumped.
> 
> also. the newest episode of tokyo ghoul. like. NOOOO


	9. My Dear Retribution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short update for this chapter! I'm also working on my first iwaoi fic and i'm too excited about it (it's over 9K already and I can't stop). Thank you for everyone who has dropped by my tumblr ;A; you're all precious angels and i hope you have a fantastic day!

 

 

"Is ghoul-chan okay?"

Akaashi looks up from his computer into his mentor's concerned eyes. He feels his brows furrow into a frown as he flits his eyes to the lump snoring softly on his couch where Oikawa would usually reside. The ghoul is buried under a pile of blankets, tear streaks on his face. "What do you mean?"

Oikawa gasps as he covers his mouth. "How uncouth of you, Aka-chan! You simply don't treat someone who just suffered like that! Does he need some hot coffee? Or a massage? I myself can go for a manicure today. How about it, Aka-chan? Your nails look like they can use some TLC-"

"Oikawa-san." Akaashi lets some venom leak into his voice. He's tired and cranky and he doesn't know the last time he'd slept for over four hours. "Why are you here?"

"...Kuroo just finished visiting Ushiwacow. He says as we should go ahead and question Iwa-chan."

He really looks at his mentor now, brushing past the fake personality and too bright teeth and curled hair. Oikawa's voice softens over Iwaizumi's name, except there's a feeling of loss and confusion behind it. He meets Akaashi's eyes and looks down at the empty mug on his desk.

"...I wonder if this is punishment."

"Maybe it is." He says, grabbing a report before flipping it to the list of questions they want to know. Bokuto's list only has two crossed out of the forty or more little bullets, majority of them about the Aogiri and their motives, but he flips to Iwaizumi's and sees that it's covered in black ink. He's waiting for the ok signal from Ushiwaka to question his former mentor. "Have you visited him?"

"No, but I know Kuroo has. Ushiwaka won't grant me access to go in."

Of course not, not when Oikawa obviously still has feelings for Iwaizumi, Akaashi thinks as he offers him a cup of tea. Oikawa makes himself home by sitting on Kageyama's empty desk before pulling out a notepad and doodling. There's so much mystery surrounding the son of Ushijima senior that he doesn't know. Why would he put Bokuto with him? That's completely asking for trouble. But maybe that's what Ushiwaka- 

"If you think harder you'll turn grey, Aka-chan," Goes Oikawa's silly voice.

He curls his lips as Oikawa sips on his chamomile tea. "Do you know why Ushiwaka is forcing me to look after the ghoul?"

"Hm... well, I don't think anyone other than myself and a selected few knows the true relationship between you two. And when you were recovering in the hospital, Ushiwaka assigned him to Tobio-chan, so it's natural that you would look after him when Tobio-chan is chasing after Eyepatch."

"Special Investigators do  _not_ babysit ghouls." Akaashi sniffs.

"Ushiwaka is an exception to every rule. He  _did_ authorize you two quinques, you know, be grateful for that." And Akaashi thinks back to the day where he handed Iwaizumi's quinque to him instead of Oikawa. "Don't think I didn't see that request you made for a third quinque on his desk!"

"What were you talking about with him?"

"Hm?"

"When I was sleeping on your couch two days ago. You were talking to the ghoul and telling him what I like." He glares a little at his mentor, "And why would you even inform him of the thinks I like? He can't take care of me- I'm his caretaker."

Oikawa fiddles with his white suit. "Just a precaution, Akaashi. There's no harm in it-"

Akaashi digs his fingernails into his palms. "Yes there it. You're acting like I'm the one who needs to be taken care of twenty four seven-"

"You actually do." His mentor narrows his eyes at him. "You blow your fuse more often than us and I know it's not your fault. I'm just warning the ghoul in advance so he knows what to do and which people to talk to if you suddenly collapse in your office."

Akaashi shuts his mouth, looking down at his hands before muttering a quiet apology. Oikawa sighs before ruffling his head, running his hand through Akaashi's long strands. "What a mess both of us are, huh? I think you should get a haircut- they're so long. Or manage them with a hair tie."

He looks at the black hair tie pressed into his palms when a knock reverberates in his office. He mutters 'enter' before seeing Ushiwaka's assistant with a message. Oikawa floats around his office before Akaashi crumples the note.

"Can you look after the ghoul for me?"

"Hmm...how long?"

"As long as it takes the Director to speak to me. We're sparring." He goes to his bathroom to open the cabinet to find some work out clothes. "Also, he said you should rewrite your last report."

Oikawa snorts before waving Akaashi off, promising to look after the ghoul if he wakes up. He closes the door with a worried look towards his mentor before heading towards the upper floors. However, he makes a stop to the research center and asks Suga if he can help him change and to tie his hair for him.

Ushiwaka doesn't hesitate to start sparring as soon as Akaashi enters the gym. He ducks, dodging and dancing out of his way as Ushiwaka presses him. "...I heard what happened yesterday."

Akaashi finally blocks one of Ushiwaka's swings with a hand before leaping back and snapping forward with a kick. The Director grimaces before clutching his side. "What exactly are you planning, Ushiwaka?" Akaashi grunts as he stiffens his body as a kick passes through his blocks. A blunt pain hits his elbow and he takes it all in stride before hooking his leg at Ushiwaka's head.

The Director ducks before holding a hand up, and Akaashi knows he's won by the amount of sweat gathered on his forehead already. Normally, Oikawa would be the one who spar him, but with babysitting duties, Akaashi has been summoned. They walk over to the towels and water bottles sitting off to the side.

"...You fight extremely well despite your broken arm." 

His mouth goes up without his permission at the Director's awkward attempt of complimenting him. "You too, sir."

"I read the report." Ushiwaka starts, running a towel over his face. "I had Sawamura check all hospitals in the 24th ward and found conclusive evidence that a man with the ghoul's description was hospitalized. The doctor who performed the operation of him is untraceable. I asked Kageyama to poke around if he has time, but I don't think he will. So I'm putting that as your next assignment."

"And who is this doctor?"

"He's a former coroner of the CCG. Kanou. Has an estate in the city. Do not bring the ghoul with you- ask Kuroo to go with you."

"...What about my mentor?"

Ushiwaka takes a thoughtful sip of his water bottle, eyebrows scrunching in a conflicting way. Akaashi pats his forehead lightly, wishing Ushiwaka was a harder opponent. "...I see no harm in you and Kuroo questioning him tonight. He's been on RC Suppressants for a few days now."

"Are you preventing him from eating?"

"No. Sugawara takes care of that. Can I know why you're always so angry towards me?"

He looks at Ushiwaka, hand dropping from the sweat stained towel to his side. The cotton fabric of his pants is cool in the warm gym, and he chooses his words carefully, air conditioner in the background humming. "I want to know why you decide to put Bokuto Koutarou under me fully knowing our past history."

"...I think it would be good for you." Akaashi opens his mouth to demand a clearer answer, but Ushiwaka is already walking out of the gym, his assistant waiting by the door with his suit. Akaashi sees Kuroo waiting in the hallway, looking grim as Ushiwaka turns his head back and says, "Don't think of me as a bad person. I've spared Oikawa from his fiance haven't I?"

The door slams in his face, and he looks down at the mats.

"Hypocrite."

 

"It's been too long since I've had you as a partner, Akaashi." Kuroo cheerfully says as Akaashi sits in the passenger seat. Kuroo has an assistant with him in the back, a second ranked investigator who was Kuroo's former student by the name of Haiba Lev. The city whizzes by as they pass the wards to enter the 20th. As a car enthusiast, Kuroo had asked Tanaka from Research to fiddle with the engine so it's perfectly silent. He was nearly nodding off, arm across his chest before Kuroo broke the silence.

"The last time was the extermination of the Yin twins, wasn't it?"

Kuroo snickers. "I remember. Daichi proposed to me after that." His eye flits to the wedding ring around the steering wheel as the car slows at a red light. Akaashi remembers the extermination for a different reason- his first mission without Iwaizumi or Oikawa at his side. It was an emergency deployment. He wasn't suppose to be working since he was arranging Iwaizumi's funeral but Cochlea was about to be breached. "At that time you still had one quinque, didn't you?"

"Yes. Were you thinking of having more than one, Kuroo?"

"It's not fair that you have two and on your way on getting your third. Out of all of us you and Arima are the only ones who're carrying three. Suga's nearly done with your third one. He just needs a fresh kagune now."

Akaashi gives a non committal grunt, leaning his head back as the car picks up speed again. His stomach grumbles, and he twitches at the hunger pains before popping a pill.

"Ya know..." Kuroo interrupts the silence again. Akaashi opens his eyes to slits and has a mind to tell the driver to slow down- 100 km/h is not a safe city speed. "Sawamura and I went to the Academy a few days ago to say hello to the first graders. There was this one girl who looked up to you. You know what she said? She said that you and Arima have so many things in common- both your initials are AK, your birthdays are in December, you both are quinque maniacs, and your hair will turn white like his soon."

"Rude. If mine should turn white then does that mean Oikawa dyes his hair to hide his?"

Kuroo laughs, and Akaashi hisses at him to  _keep your eyes on the road you're a safety hazard!_  Lev jolts up from his sleep in the back and Akaashi greets him dully.

"Akaashi-san! Please come to the Academy on your next day off! My sister just got enrolled and she wants to meet you!"

Kuroo snorts at his expression. "Something tells me this is your first time hearing you're so popular with Academy students. Really? You never notice them when you give lectures? How about those bouquets your fanclub gives you after the kendo exhibition?"

Akaashi opens the glove compartment of Kuroo's car before shoving a pair of headphones over his ears, stating his point clear as Kuroo's laughter is cut off.

When they reach the abandoned estate, Akaashi lends Lev Rin 1/2, reminding the investigator in a clipped tone that he shouldn't go anywhere without his quinque. Kuroo walks right up to the door, and Akaashi brings up the rear as he holds Amaterasu in its whip form. The door opens, and they slowly edge themselves to the walls.

Every step taken disturbs the inch of dust on the floors, it floats up to their faces and Lev hurriedly pops a few allergy pills before his eyes turns red. Akaashi looks around at the walls, reaching a gloved hand to the paintings. They spend a good half hour in each room before going up to the second floor. 

He raids the master bedroom, pulling a heavy duty flashlight as Kuroo searches the dressers. Lev stands on lookout as the sun starts to set against the grimy windows. Lev checks out one more room and Akaashi is about to put his quinque back when Lev stumbles. There's a strange shudder that passes through Akaashi's body and his first instinct is to drop, duck and protect his head when and a hole opens in the wall, exposing a strange pink hue pulsing.

All of them warily look at each other.

"Sun's going down." Kuroo says, the first time in hours as they hover around the entrance. Akaashi frowns before touching the slimy looking wall. He takes a picture for the research team before Kuroo makes the decision to come back another they because their man power is very low. "Might as well bring Oikawa and Suga. I don't feel comfortable going in there without more people." Akaashi agrees with him and they walk towards Kuroo's car quickly.

"...It gives me the bad vibes." Lev says on the drive back, fingers pressing the radio as Akaashi sits in the back. Not even the funky pop songs surrounding them can pull them out of their mood. "I really don't want to know what's inside the mansion."

"Neither do I, Lev," He says quietly. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next up: iwaizumi's interrogation (Look! Answers!) and bokuto blows up akaashi's kitchen. (i'm not joking)


	10. My Dear Hallucination

"If you are a ghoul identify yourself."

"Iwaizumi Hajime." Akaashi's mentor says, back straight against the chair as Kuroo paces inside the control room. Suga is inside the room again, this time thin lipped as he holds a quinque to one of CCG's legendary investigators. He mildly think of all the panic and mayhem the public would be in if the press hears a word about their beloved investigator being in the Aogiri. "36. My family was slaughtered when I was young. My former title was Special Investigator stationed in the 1st Ward. I spent a year training under Shinohara before venturing out on my own."

"Do you know how you died?"

If Iwaizumi notices that it's Akaashi's voice filtering through the speakers in the isolation room and not his fiance's he doesn't bat an eye. "I do. I died during the fifth extermination of the One Eyed Owl, or Killing Owl, as he's more known. I was protecting my subordinate when Fukuro injured me fatally."

"How did you become a ghoul?"

"...I don't know."

Akaashi looks up from the recording machine, flickering his eyes towards Kuroo. In the room, Iwaizumi plays with his fingers, absent mindedly picking his hangnails as Akaashi taps the questions. "Kuroo, do I move on?"

"Let's assume he also got an operation like Bokuto. Resume."

Akaashi turns on the microphone again. "Why did you join the Aogiri?"

"They saved my life and as such...I was 'bound' to them." His former mentor says with a stiff jaw. "I don't want to kill humans, so they shuttled me for ghoul recruiting parties."

"Have you heard of Dr. Kanou?"

"No."

"What happened when you realized you were a ghoul?"

"I woke up in an abandoned warehouse alone. I felt hunger like no other. It was painful to the point of me clawing my stomach out. I was rescued from the Aogiri and Bokuto and I laid low for several months before being captured again."

"Why didn't you return, Special Investigator Iwaizumi?"

Kuroo looks sharply at him, glare cutting across the room as Akaashi's knuckles turns white. Outside, Iwaizumi clenches his jaw before saying, "...I couldn't. I can't go back here. Ghouls aren't accepted."

"You have no urge to ally yourself with your former profession?"

"What good would it be to come back as a half ghoul? They killed Oikawa's family and mine! They killed my student's family as well- there's no way I can face them!"

" _Then why did you come back?_ "

"To warn you Aogiri's plan of wiping out the CCG entirely!"

Kuroo taps his shoulder, and Akaashi forces his finger to relax from the button, leaning back against the chair as he stares at Iwaizumi with a hard glare. His hands are shaking and all he can think about is all the months he spent crying after his mentor and what a mess he'd been- and how Oikawa couldn't face him until weeks after the funeral, and even then both of them were walking on eggshells. "Akaashi calm down. Look- do I need to call Kageyama in here?"

"Never mind that. The Aogiri has always been at war with the CCG. Tanakamaru said that- this is no different." All the things Iwaizumi is saying has been repeated by Bokuto or Oikawa's accurate guesses. Pressing the button on the microphone, he forces some calm on his voice, "Before you explain that, do you know anything about how you were turned into a ghoul?"

"Half-ghoul. I only have one kakugan in one eye." To make an example, Akaashi sees small red veins creep to Iwaizumi's left eye as Suga nervously clutches his quinque tighter. Iwaizumi's red veins remains on his skin even though he's been drugged on RC Suppressants for a few days now. "And no. I assume they've transplanted some organ into me, similar to the Quinxs."

"Where did the Aogiri learn about Quinxs?"

"I don't know." His mentor pauses, catching a breath or two to himself. "I overheard it when I was sneaking around the Aogiri."

"The Aogiri- how did they capture you?"

"I was roaming around by myself before I met Bokuto. We joined up but the Aogiri caught up to us. It's hard to hide around the 24th ward and 20th ward these days."

Kuroo taps his shoulder again, and he spins around to find Yachi standing beside Kuroo, her cheerful expression replaced by a frown. "...everything is so concentrated around the 24th ward. Do you think you should patrol there, Akaashi? With Kageyama?"

"I should." By doing that he can also be close by if Kageyama needs help capturing Eyepatch. "The 24th ward is basically open to any investigators since it's so heavily populated by ghouls there. It's a little risky in my situation though." He gestures to his arm.

Kuroo sighs, raking a hand in his hair. "There's nothing we can get out of these questions. I'm going to ask my own." Akaashi slides away from the microphone, handing Kuroo the headphones before watching the exchange with a hard jaw.

"Ghoul, when you say the Aogiri wants to bring the CCG down, what do you mean by that?"

"They've been recruiting all the ghouls around Japan and from China. By now their numbers are higher than the CCG's field agents. If you don't do something about it soon it'll be hard to make a comeback."

"Does Tatara know where you two are?"

"...No, but they'll suspect soon." Iwaizumi says. "Although with Hinata still around in the compound they'll probably think Bokuto and I are wandering around for food." 

Akaashi stands up, feeling the blood rush down to his legs. All the information he's hearing now has been thought of from Oikawa. There's no point in repeating the same questions. "That's enough information for Ushiwaka. Let's go, Kuroo." They leave Yachi to add more suppressants to the isolation room before walking pass the tight security. 

Kuroo is quiet once they sit in front of Ushiwaka. "It seems that they're recruiting to bring us down- exactly as Oikawa say. If that's how things are we should follow Aura's plan. Pick them off little by little first."

"...Akaashi? What do you think?"

"Will it be enough?" He taps the interactive table to bring out a graph of the ratio of CCG agents to known Aogiri ghouls. "How many exterminations will we need to spend to lower the numbers enough? And don't forget- the true Killing Owl is still out there. Black Rabbit, Tatara and Noro aren't easy subjects to wipe out... Didn't we lose half of our personnel in one Owl extermination?"

"...I'll need to ask Arima about this." Ushiwaka taps his screen, sighing a little. "Kuroo, I got your report about Kanou's mansion. Whenever you see fit, you can take Akaashi, Kageyama and Suga before Kageyama leaves for his assignment."

They stand up and bow to Ushiwaka, bidding him goodbye. The walk to the elevator is silent again, mostly because of the security staring openly at them.

"...Is tomorrow good?" Kuroo asks as the elevator door opens to their floor, and Akaashi smells something burning, scrunching his nose as Kuroo stops. "Do you smell that?"

"Yes-"

Kageyama comes skidding around the corner, sleeves rolled up with panic in his eyes as he spots Akaashi and squeaks. " _A-Akaashi-san!_ "

He doesn't like that look on his face. He really doesn't. Akaashi takes a step towards his stunned student- who has a smudge of flour on his cheek before he turns a corner and sees smoke billowing from his office. The fire alarm in his office is shrilly beeping, becoming louder and louder as more smoke wafts out. "...is my office on  _fire?_ "

"Er-" Kageyama splutters, running to tug the fire extinguisher from the wall, " _M-Maybe?_ " 

This is like the laptop milk incident all over again. Akaashi strides forward with a purpose before over taking Kageyama and putting his sleeve over his nose, entering his smoke filled office. His eyes immediately tear up, and he hurries, heart pounding. He makes a beeline to the couch and pauses when he doesn't see Bokuto anywhere. Can ghouls even be burned by fire? He whirls around, eyes darting between the gaps he sees in the thick smoke. He breathes in more smoke by accident and starts to cough. Why is he so panicked-

-arms suddenly appear in front of him, tanned and muscled as they lift him up to throw him out of the office.

"What happened?" Akaashi coughs sternly as Kageyama runs into the office, bandanna tied around his mouth and nose. Bokuto looks pointedly to the side as the whole floor of special investigators poke their heads out to complain about the beeping. 

Bokuto twiddles his hands. "Uh- well I- I was making...pancakes?"

The whole floor is silent except for the sound of foam coming out of the extinguisher, and Akaashi bores his deadpan stare into the ghoul. Bokuto looks anywhere but his face, flushing, and eventually, the smoke clears a little as Kageyama opens all the windows inside, coming out coughing and collapsing on the floor. Akaashi is furious. There are thousands of files and precious photographs in his office and on his desk and cabinet. "... _excuse me?_ "

"A-Akaashi-san!" Kageyama is quick to jump between him and the ghoul. His grey eyes are wide and earnest, and he has his hands up by his chest, "I-I was just hungry! And I thought you wanted pancakes as well since you were in a meeting all morning! But I had to go to the bathroom so I asked the ghoul to watch the pan! It was my fault." His partner drops into a bow. "Please don't put the blame onto him!"

He turns to look at the audience over his shoulder and they immediately retreat to their offices. Akaashi sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Please be more careful in the future, Kageyama." His student nods furiously, and Kuroo claps his back before returning to his own office. Akaashi surveys the damage of his office- blackened cabinets and a melted pan, but takes all of that into stride before the ghoul hovers around the door.

"...Ghoul."

He looks up, all golden eyes and curiousness as Akaashi has a hard time swallowing.

"I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions."

Bokuto bites his lips and nods, before serving the saved pancakes. Kageyama douses his with syrup and Akaashi joins him around the coffee table, looking out the building as he listens to Kageyama and Bokuto talk about the burnt pancakes.

   
  


 

_Dead._

_He sees his mentor in front of him, Owl still crouching in front of them, a big shadow as Akaashi stares in horror. His throat is closed and he forces himself to pull out of another dream- there are tears swimming in his eyes as Oikawa lets out a scream-_

_"G-Good." Iwaizumi manages to twitch his mouth into a painful smile, blood bubbling in his throat as shouts for a paramedic and urgent care fills Akaashi's world- "...you're not hurt."_

_"I-I'm sorry!" He's then screaming. His breathing is becoming labored and he can't stop the pressed panic in his chest. "I-I'm-!"_

_"Leave me." Flashes of light enters Akaashi's head, and he feels his stomach clenching-_

_Oikawa suddenly appears in front of him, white faced before he cradles his fiance. "D-Don't be stupid! We're taking you back with us! Hey! HEY! IWA-CHAN!"_

_"Don't be so reckless." Iwaizumi weakly says, cupping his hand on Oikawa's face. On the other hand, he strokes Akaashi's fist, "Akaashi. B-Be strong."_

_"No! Iwa-chan! Stay awake! Stay-"_

_His mentor's eyes turn glassy, and Akaashi's head is filled with a world of bright lights and hurt and confusion and a pounding pain as he curls his fingers into his hair to block it out. To block all of it out because he knows this is a dream and he's not 25 anymore. Not 25. Everything hurts. Everything in his head **hurts** and he wants to wake up- _

_The howl from Oikawa's mouth is inhuman, and he furiously turns to Owl, cheek red with Iwaizumi's blood as Akaashi sees tears rolling down his face, registering the murderous glare._

_"FUKUROU!"_

__

__

(Akaashi wakes up to Kageyama and Bokuto looking down at him, faces pale, and then he realizes his throat is raw from screaming.)

 

  
Akaashi grips his quinque too tightly and looks in the mirror. "Once we arrive, you'll be getting the reversal to the RC Suppressants, but toe out of the line..." He leaves it to Bokuto's imagination as he sits in the back with Suga. On the lane beside theirs, he sees Lev and Kuroo in the front seats, mouthing opening and closing as they discuss the plan. Trust Oikawa to be dragged around at Ushiwaka's whim as they run an errand to the 24th ward- leaving Akaashi with no choice but to drag the ghoul with them. Of course.

Suga smiles pleasantly from the driver's seat. "Don't be too uptight, Akaashi. It's also for his protection as well- we don't know what's inside Kanou's lab. What if it attacks all of us?"

He sullenly glares at the side mirror, "That aside, we have a few hours to explore as far as we can. Lev and Kuroo will lead, followed by Suga and Kageyama. The ghoul will be after and I will bring the rear."

Kageyama shouts affirmative, sitting up straight and bumping his head on the low ceiling when Suga doesn't slow down over a speed bump. Akaashi sighs as they unlock the car doors, straightening their uniform white coats before meeting Kuroo and Lev by the entrance. They enter the mansion again, floors and furniture covered in dust. Their previous footprints still remain, and they all stand back as Lev presses a shelf to access the wall.

"...Interesting." Suga says, moving forward as Bokuto follows suit. The researcher takes off his gloves to poke the pulsing wall. "It matches the textbook description of RC cells, but to have it pulse means there must be a source of it deeper into the house..."

"Ew." Lev mutters as Kuroo snorts. "It's giving me the heebie jeebies."

Akaashi holds his nose as nausea threatens to overwhelm him. As they enter the living RC hallway, he pops a pill secretly before following the ghoul. He had no sleep ever since being woken up by Kageyama earlier that morning. He refuses their offer to go on a walk with him before hitting the gym.

They venture deeper into the wall of RC cells before it opens up into a large room with industrial pipes painted white several stories above and a walkway with water on either side.

"I really don't like this." Lev whimpers ahead of them, knuckles tightening around his quinque. Akaashi scans the whole room, noting the eerie silence before keeping an eye on the ghoul. Bokuto seems to be as surprised, eyes swiveling left and right. They continue to make their way forward, Akaashi on edge since he expects things to leap out of the water or for something to drag them under the water. They make it pass without any harm, and they come to a door before Kuroo pries it open a little, and stops.

He gestures for Akaashi to come over for a closer look, and he peeks inside.

"...Are those...ghouls?" Suga breathes.

A wall of tanks line the wall, all of them full with thick liquid. Most of them are empty, save for two with an old ghoul and young woman with purple hair inside. Bubbles would come out of their noses every few seconds, but their eyes stay closed, and he jerks back, on guard as Bokuto freezes when he sees them.

While Suga is busy taking pictures of everything, he and Kuroo pull to the side, discussing the possibilities of moving forward.

"Lev doesn't feel comfortable moving forward with this little men."

"I agree." Akaashi says. "We're lucky to come here with no ghouls around. And...I don't like the feel of this myself. The pictures should make Ushiwaka happy."

Kuroo nods, "Let's get-"

And Akaashi tugs the taller investigator towards him, flipping him so he's in the front. There's a ghoul in front of them- rinkaku poised to a sharp blade as Akaashi darts forward and swings his Rin 1/2 to behead it. Immediately, he's being swarmed by ghouls- all of them stark naked with expression set grotesquely in pain. Kuroo yells for assistance and he switches between Rin 1/2's attack and defense form as he blocks angry ghouls aiming for his head.

He ducks, coat flapping around him as he beheads more ghouls while keeping an eye out for anyone who needs help.

There are more crawling out of the water bridge they just crossed and he switches to Amaterasu before whipping a slew of them back. The iron in the air makes his stomach flip, and he sees Kageyama cover for him as they stand side to side, surrounded by ghouls.

"What is this?" Kageyama snarls, grinning as he blocks a rinkaku.

"I don't know." He answers, before running forward and flipping up, hooking his leg around taller ghouls and slashing everywhere. He hears a body being slammed into a wall and races to Suga, cutting rinkakus left and right out of his way and pushing Suga out the way to block a particularly nasty one. "Suga!"

The researcher holds his bleeding mouth, hand grappling for his quinque. Akaashi can only manage to hear a "I'm alright!" before Suga is swallowed by ghouls again.

Akaashi growls before darting forward again, quinque meeting rinkaku before an ukaku slams into his side and he's thrown back, falling down and landing in someone's arms.

Strong arms immediately clamp down. Bokuto looks down at him, one eye glowing red with the other one golden, mouth open as he blocks a few projectiles with his wing. Two short wings are prickling his arms, not fully grown to the usual kakuja length. "Holy shit- are you okay?" Akaashi jumps off, slamming his back against the ghoul. 

"Can you fight back to back?"

"Yeah." Bokuto responds grimly. 

"Cover me." He orders, leaping forward and raking Amaterasu down.

Bokuto's ukaku wings are pressing into his back but they don't hurt, mostly because Akaashi thinks he's purposely pushing them down. Kuroo joins their circle and Akaashi hauls a fallen Lev into their circle. Most of the ghouls are no match for any of the higher investigators- it's just the vast number of them that keeps crawling out. Their number slowly diminish and Akaashi is wheezing by the end of it.

"...Hell..."

Lev collapses to his knees, breathing hard as he wipes his forehead. Kuroo is pushing majority of the bodies back into the black water with Kageyama. 

Akaashi walks up to Suga, who's staring at the bodies in horror. The scientist turns to look at him, eyes wide. "Akaashi...how many are there?"

"...Two hundred or more, I guess." Surveying at the bodies, he sees shattered rinkakus and ukakus before flicking them into the water. "Ushiwaka's going to have a headache." He suddenly remembers about their resident half ghoul and turns to check on him.

Bokuto is shaking his head as his kakuja lengthens. Suga makes a little strangled choke behind him and Akaashi flicks Amaterasu back, slowly walking up to the ghoul as he trashes. 

"Hey..."

"S-Stay back!" Bokuto breathes, back bubbling as kakujas shoot out in all directions like spines, liquid RC muscle whipping out to cover his body. White tendrils inch towards his face before covering it, soft muscle hardening into a mask he knows so well, and Akaashi sees a lone red eye glinting madly. "Move back!  _Move!_ "

"Akaashi!" Kuroo yells.

He grunts from the impact of Bokuto's wing, digging his heels before jumping back. The ghoul is writhing, jerking and snapping his neck with audible snaps as Akaashi runs away from Suga and Lev and onto the open water bridge. The two long ukaku wings follow him, hitting the floors and tripping him.

"Oi! Snap out!-" He twists his head to the side to avoid losing his eye, feeling his quinque snag against something. The tip of Amaterasu is being sucked into Bokuto's growing body as Akaashi desperately pulls against it. "HEY! Snap out of it!"

" _A-Akaashi move!_ "

"Don't be stupid!" He yells, ducking and activating Rin 1/2's shield before watching his quinque being sucked into Bokuto's back.  _That was Iwaizumi's last memento-_  "Ghoul! Fight it off!"

Bokuto gives a frustrated roar, white jaws opening to expose long teeth as not two, but four ukaku wings pursue after Akaashi. 

"Akaashi!" Suga's voice pierces through the air, and he sees him lob something small at him. "CRC GAS!"

"Right!" Akaashi gasps, catching it before tumbling awkwardly onto the floor. The ukaku projectiles are on to him again and he hides behind his shield. Bokuto's out of control kakujas are lashing through the air, and Akaashi sees him dart towards him, maw open with those red eyes trained onto him as he throws the CRC Gas into the mouth.

Smoke billows out, and Akaashi feels a heavy weight slam onto his chest, crushing him to the floor as footsteps all go towards him. Lev and Kageyama attempt to haul Bokuto's kakuja body up so Akaashi can wiggle out but it's too heavy, and he resigns himself there for being trapped until the mask crumbles off, and he sees Bokuto's glazed eyes.

"...Welcome back." He says dryly.

The ghoul groans, dropping his head before his kakuja body sheds away.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing fighting scenes tire me for some reason hah. -crawls back into AP Bio hell-


	11. My Dear Student

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is beta'd by the awesome fortifiedacorn.tumblr.com
> 
> updates, updates: i am drowning in all my classes c: 
> 
> oh! a question i've been wanting to ask you guys: **happy ending or angsty ending? ******  
> (i know it's my own story but i'm pretty torn about the ending...i have a few scenarios i'm playing around in my head and i can't pick)

 

 

"You have a knack for getting hurt, don't you, boy?" 

Akaashi humors Marude, hand going up to the bandages adorning his cheeks as they lounge around the dark meeting room, catching Shinohara's eyes. "Please don't call me Futon Akaashi."

Marude barks loudly in laughter, snorting as Oikawa and Kuroo comes into the conference room, sweeping smoothly while dropping an armful of files on the table. "Marude-san," Oikawa sings freely, "don't tease him. It's terribly rude- Yachi's done fixing your quinque, Akaashi."

He stands up, making a beeline to the door. "Okay."

"Meeting's in 10!"

He nods before waving his one good hand, walking the short pathway to the research offices before allowing a his eyes to be scanned. Bokuto had passed out after Akaashi narrowly jerked him back before he lost control. There were a lot of excuses and lies that came out of Kuroo's mouth to take the stairs instead of the elevator, since they decided that Bokuto should carefully be sneaked into the isolation room without anyone seeing him. The door opens and he walks in, seeing Daichi snoring lightly with Suga and Yachi around the main table, fiddling with two suitcases.

He comes quietly behind them, scaring Yachi as her reading glasses falls onto her nose. He apologizes quietly. "Hello."

"Akaashi!" Suga smiles at him. Despite being a researcher and not a field agent, he doesn't seem to be shaken up by yesterday's encounter with failed ghouls and Bokuto's out of control self. "Good timing! Your Amaterasu is fixed." he hands him the whip, pointing out the little gold threads that runs down the length of the quinque, "It's a good thing Bokuto didn't completely envelope it. Since you cut all of his ukaku wings we actually have a lot of spare SSS grade quinque. That's what we used to fix Amaterasu, by the way."

Yachi grins a little at him, offering him a black suitcase as she nervously wrings her hands. "And this is your new one!" He flicks it open, surprised when it forms into a large, fan like object with graceful edges.

"...A fan?"

"Well, you asked for a shield type of weapon and Bokuto-san's kagune is an ukaku type- which is the sturdiest out of the others. If you like, the tendrils," Yachi points to the little edges, "can lengthen like a whip." She peers up at him as he flicks it open and closed, white gold color pulsing happily in his hand. Can quinques even feel happiness? "Do...do you like it?"

He looks up, schooling his features into a kind smile. "I love it. Thank you, Yachi." She beams happily, asking him what he'll call it as Suga goes back to his desk to dig out some official documents he'll need for Ushiwaka's meeting. "...name, hm? Izanami?"

"Izanami." Yachi repeats. "I like it. It fits her! But why do you need three quinques for?" She asks as he puts Amaterasu in his pocket and returns Izanami to its suitcase. 

He looks out to the city, thinking about Eyepatch and the recent news surrounding the death of two investigators tailing him. "Rin 1/2 is a koukaku quinque, and fights well against Eyepatch's ukaku. It's a sturdy shield, and it works as a long and short distance weapon, which gives Kageyama more options to work with."

Yachi smiles softly at him. "Kageyama is lucky to have you."

He looks down, embarrassed as Suga tugs his arm lightly before waving to Yachi. Akaashi bows to Yachi, awkwardly waving goodbye before walking to the elevator.

Then the mood becomes grim as they enter the dark meeting room. Akaashi takes his seat across Aura and Marude. 

"We'll start the meeting now." Oikawa says, voice aloft as he expands a small window onto the large interactive screen around the table. It's a series of pictures and the video from Suga's phone of the two people in tanks under Kanou's mansion. They all watch the clip play, all of them wincing when the video cuts off to Suga being thrown onto a wall by the failed experimented ghouls, and a murmur breaks out as Amon asks if that's Binge Eater.

"Does anyone recognize any of them?"

"You know...that old man looks like Non-Killing Owl..."

"...As Amon confirmed, one of the ghouls in the tanks is S ranked Binge Eater, whom we thought was crushed under the accident of a construction beam falling onto her. From the video, we see that majority of the ghouls have kagunes similar to Binge Eater and Owl, so it's safe to say that Kanou is using them to create more ghouls."

"Half ghouls?" Aura says. "Like Iwaizumi-san and Bokuto-san?"

"Why the hell would anyone want to do that?" Marude slams his fist onto the table in anger. "Akaashi? How many of them did you fight?"

"Two hundred more or less."

"What do you think we should do next, Director?" Aura asks, brow furrowed lightly. 

"Should we save them?" Oikawa mumbles from the sidelines, giving up his chair again for Ushiwaka as all heads swivel to him. There's a stunned silence hanging over everyone as Oikawa blinks, realizing that he'd said that out loud. 

"Binge Eater in our midst?" Marude makes a face. "That sounds like trouble- Akaashi?"

He looks at Ushiwaka, thinking back to the old videos of the first Owl extermination, Bokuto's kakuja and Iwaizumi's red eyes. "Director, do you think there's a possibility that the two ghouls in the tanks were the 'donaters' of the half ghouls we have?"

"There's a chance." Ushiwaka tersely point out. "See into it, would you?"

"Yes, sir."

"And what do you think of this, Sugawara?"

Suga confidently enlarges a picture of the RC wall. "These look like the underground tunnels under Tokyo. They resemble actual walls unless you disturb it by a switch or kagune. So far I haven't seen any evidence of the Aogiri being connected to these experiments, but we will know if the kagunes on Iwaizumi-san and Bokuto-san match Binge Eater's and Non-Killing Owl's."

"Do you know how they were able to make those...half-ghouls?"

"From Iwaizumi's questioning, I'm assuming it's by transplanting the kakuhou sack into the body like we do with Quinxs, but they don't have the safety measures of quinque steel to prevent them from controlling their power." Suga scratches his head. "What concerns me is how many were in the water that jumped out at us. So many lives wasted...and to achieve what? One or two successful transplants?"

Suga looks down at his papers, lowering himself to his chair as Akaashi sees Ushiwaka press his hands into his head. There's so many problems cropping out ever since the half-ghouls gave themselves up that he doesn't think it's coincidence. Ushiwaka grabs their attention by clearing his throat. "Dismissed. I need Akaashi and Kuroo to stay behind." They all stand up in a series of chairs brushing against the thick carpet, filing out of the room as Akaashi plays with a scrap piece of paper.

"Akaashi." He looks up to Ushiwaka, "I'll have Kageyama go with Kuroo to the 24th ward to further investigate. He'll watch over him as he hunts Eyepatch down, your job is to find out the kagunes of the half ghouls."

He bows, shooting Kuroo a glance as he looks grimly at him. "Yes, Director." 

Walking back, he holds onto his reports until he crumples the first few pages, head pounding with the confusion and information being pelted from all directions. If their kagunes match Binge Eater's and Non-Killing Owl's, that would solve Amon's and Shinohara's ghouls reports, but it would also raise up new questions as to what connections they have with the Aogiri. Bokuto didn't look like he particularly knew who Binge Eater was, and Iwaizumi has been hiding in the 24th ward for the longest time. 

He walks into his office, interrupting Bokuto reading one of his books on his couch as he throws a pair of work out clothes.

"What's this?" 

Akaashi slips out a smile, a grim one. "We're hitting the gym."

 

 

"Attack me."

Usually he has no trouble prompting his past students, or some of the Academy's best to train with him to pass the time, but Bokuto is standing solidly across him, dressed in his borrowed shorts and one of Akaashi's larger shirts. The cooling fan above them turns on, blowing cold air and making Akaashi frown. "I said attack me. Seriously. Attack me."

"I can't do that!" Bokuto cries. "I'll hurt you!"

He points to the band aids and his still healing arm. "If I'm still standing while I'm injured this much, your attacks won't hurt me."

"Why are you even sparring against me, doesn't Fancy Curls or that scary man or Kageyama work out with you? Just ask them!"

"Ushiwaka?" Akaashi asks, trying to imagine the director with a scary expression before laughing freely, muscles stretching funnily across his face. "I think Akira can give him a run for his money if you think Ushiwaka is scary. Come on ghoul, I don't have all day-" Akaashi dives to the side as Bokuto rushes up to him, arm stretched out in a punch.

Quickly, he grabs Bokuto's arm, yanks it to the side and with the force of his own body, drags Bokuto onto the ground before pinning him with his legs. Akaashi relaxes on Bokuto's broad back. "Your fighting skills are terrible." 

"Well,  _soooorryy_ -" Bokuto hisses, jumping up and causing Akaashi to fall on his back, huffing when a foot stops three centimeters of his face. He can see the ghoul's smug smile as gold trickles into his ears freely, like cherry blossom petals dancing in the wind. "-but you leave yourself open as well."

They're making a scene in the gym, Akaashi is vaguely aware of the increasing number of people who stopped halfway to the weight room. He sees a familiar raven mop and Kageyama with his mouth open as they dance around each other, throwing fast punches and flipping back and forth between offense and defense. Bokuto is not a bad fighter. Either Iwaizumi must have trained him, or the Aogiri has very good teachers, he thinks as he rolls on his shoulder to sweep Bokuto off his feet.

The ghoul crashes down and Akaashi sees the twinge of red veins prickling up his eyes as Bokuto lies there, limbs spread out like a starfish as he breathes in and out, veins becoming more prominent, a sign that Bokuto's ghoul half is struggling against the suppressant.

The question slips out of his mouth without him meaning to say it.

"Do you know the original Owl personally?"

Bokuto unscrews the water bottle Akaashi offers him, sitting up as everyone starts to disperse back to their duties. Akaashi watches the snow fall from the grey sky. There's already a foot of snow piled everywhere and he spots Konoha throwing salt outside the CCG building, dressed from head to toe like a marshmallow. "No, but I've heard some rumors about him from the higher ups."

"...Who took you into the Aogiri?"

"Scary people called Tatara and Noro." Bokuto blanches, grimacing as he crosses his legs. Akaashi wasn't done fighting but he doubt the ghoul seems willing to participate more, so he does the only natural thing and sits across of him, studying the way the light hits Bokuto's hair and his strong cheekbones. "The CCG is familiar with them, right?"

"Right." He says cautiously. "Kuroo is assigned to Tatara, but as of now we have other things to worry about."

Bokuto studies him, and inwardly Akaashi wants to squirm but he's forced to stay still. There are ants crawling everywhere on his body and he just wants to shake off the strange feeling. "When-"

"Yes?"

"...When did you become an investigator?"

He's remembering the days of sweat and stuffy lecture halls, the blistering summer heat, and of cold quinques. "...23."

"So, is Iwaizumi your teacher?"

Akaashi sets his jaw, feeling the coming pressure of a headache. "What is it to you?"

"I'm just asking." Bokuto says, eyes wide as Akaashi grabs his towel. He scrambles to his feet, following the angry investigator who seems to have an eternal cloud hanging over him with frequent thunderstorms and hurricanes. "Akaa-"

"Sorry I'm not feeling well." Bokuto recognizes a lie when he hears one, stopping at the entrance of the individual fancy shower stalls instead of the communal one he saw Akaashi use last time. "Kageyama is out in the hallway- go back to the office with him. I'll- I'll be there soon to say goodbye to him."

Bokuto stands there, watching the stall close before a spray of water is turned on and he sees steam curl out.

Kageyama doesn't pipe into his business as they take a detour to Suga's office to feed Bokuto another human limb. He watches Yachi fix a few quinques, tottering around the research lab in her bright heels and talking to a pretty lady by the name of Kiyoko and cracking jokes with a researcher called Sawamura. As he chews, he sees Kageyama enter the room.

"Osu."

"Hey." He greets, swallowing before remembering Akaashi's angry eyes and poor excuse. He lowers the arm, and Kageyama's head flicks upwards from his phone.

"Is the arm going bad?"

"No- it's fine... Is it just me or is Akaashi really touchy about his mentor?"

Kageyama purses his lips. "...The subject of Iwaizumi-san within Headquarters is off limits. Because, one, he was apparently Oikawa-san's fiance before he died. Two, he sacrificed himself in front of Akaashi and Oikawa and half of the special team squad and they're still touchy about the subject. Third, he died because Akaashi-san broke out of the protective rank and he took the damage from owl, and you know Akaashi-san," Kageyama sighs, "he blames himself constantly for the death."

"...I...had no idea..."

"You're a ghoul, no one expects you to know."

Bokuto looks down onto the floor, seeing a smudge of black in his reflection from the shiny marble. That would explain the stiffness Akaashi carries himself with everyday and the two rings that he would see swing out of Oikawa's shirt. "Losing someone like that...that's horrible."

"It is." Kageyama grimly says. "That's why most of the special investigators now don't have 'partners'..."

Bokuto nibbles on his food, not really feeling hungry. The CCG keeps him fed three times a day like a normal person. He doesn't have the heart to decline since he knows how important it is to have fuel.  

"After you eat the arm, I'll be leaving with Special Class Kuroo to my first assignment today." Kageyama says suddenly.

"Wow, nice! Are you excited?"

"Kind of, but Akaashi-san is always there to save me. It'll be strange to not have him with me. I'll miss eating out with the team, and I'll miss you, Bokuto-san."

Bokuto feels his nose sting. "Kageyama that's so sweet-"

The door quickly opens, Akaashi's head poking in as his wet hair is sticking up in all directions, curls untamed. He's wearing a black dress shirt with white pants, Bokuto notes as Kageyama snaps to attention. "Kageyama, Kuroo is waiting for you."

Kageyama looks at Bokuto, who shoves the remaining meal into his mouth before forcing himself to swallow. Akaashi holds open the door as Kageyama injects the RC Suppressants before running to his office to retrieve his coat and suitcase. He can hear his heartbeat quicken in excitement, and Bokuto smiles at Kageyama as they walk out.

Kuroo honks the car, throwing the passenger door open as Kageyama hops over the snow to the vehicle. Bokuto follows Akaashi, who shivers slightly in the cold weather before offering Kageyama his white suitcase.

Kageyama dumbly looks at it, forcing his words out from the tight scarf Akaashi had wrapped around him. "Akaashi-san?"

"Rin 1/2. It's fixed and I want you to use it for this assignment." Akaashi lets the suitcase dangle on four of his fingers, palm turned up to the sky as if he's catching the snowflakes falling down. Bokuto thinks he sees Akaashi's eyes water slightly and he hears a proud tone to his voice as he says, "Be careful, Kageyama."

The raven haired ghoul investigator hugs Akaashi, mumbling quietly into his shoulder. With Bokuto's ghoul sense, he hears Kageyama murmur affirmative before Akaashi releases his student and stepping back, closing the car door as Kuroo starts to drive away.

The window lowers and Kageyama sticks his head out, waving back to them with a big smile on his face.

Bokuto enthusiastically waves back, yelling good luck to him and catching some stares from people walking past them with three layers of clothing. He turns and blinks as someone with white hair walks up to Akaashi. The stranger taps his shoulder and Akaashi whirls around before his eyes bugs.

"Ah-"

"Akaashi, how are you?"

Bokuto doesn't like the vibes he's getting from the white haired man, and especially not from the two suitcases in his hands. He bits his tongue and ignores the instinct to flee from the spot right there as the stranger turns his attention on him after Akaashi says he's well. "Who is this?"

"Bokuto Koutarou." Akaashi introduces him, extending his good hand towards him. It might be his overactive imagination but he seems to be trembling. Bokuto dips his head cautiously, watching the stranger talk to him like they're old friends. 

Snow continues to fall, whipping past them as Bokuto studies the stranger closely. His white hair looks awfully familiar, he has the same aura Akaashi carries himself, calm and reserved. A few feet away, he can see five or six people come out of CCG cars, stretching as their voices are carried along with the wind and Bokuto feels snow prickle into his eyes when Akaashi says, "Bokuto, this is my teacher- Arima Kishou."

_The CCG's Shinigami._


	12. My Dear Partner

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> recommended songs: on my way from tokyo ghoul
> 
> -shakily stands on feet before being swept away by a huge tide of homework-
> 
> Beta'd by fortifiedacorn!

He opens his eyes, Kageyama can be seen going to the cabinets in Akaashi's bathroom. The ghoul investigator is quietly mumbling in his sleep; eyebrows furrowing together as he calls out the names "Yamaguchi" and "Tsukishima" over and over. Kageyama comes out a few seconds later with an armful of blankets, and Bokuto sits up as he watches him bundle the blankets around his mentor.

 

He turns to him, exhaustion tugging the smile on his face downwards. The twenty five year old investigator looks like he's carrying the weight of the world, features illuminated by the sky outside. "Do you want some coffee?"

"Sure." Bokuto answers softly.

The wet snow sticks to the windows of Akaashi's office, the yellow sky matching the city that's still alive even though it's well past midnight. Bokuto clears the couch that's been dubbed as his to allow Kageyama to sit beside him. They stare at Akaashi's sleeping face for a moment, pretending that there aren't tear streaks running down his cheeks as his breathing shortens, neck twitching.

"How come you don't go home?"

Kageyama shrugs, picking off the lint from his sweatpants. If Bokuto squints his eyes, he can see a vague form of a suitcase beside Kageyama's desk. "None of the sempais go home except Kuroo-san and Sawamura-san. After Cochlea being breached everybody's been on edge."

"...even Akaashi?"

Kageyama's mouth twists down, and Bokuto hurries to change the subject.  "Don't you...miss it?" He prompts, "Your home?"

Not really...my father and mother are abroad, and I'm an only child. I lived in the Academy's dorms when I was taking classes and the CCG has turned into my second home. I'm used to it- Oikawa-san looks ugly when he sleeps and Akaashi-san uses three blankets even though it's summer and the air conditioner is broken."

Bokuto swirls the dregs in his cup before Kageyama fills it again. "I don't understand why your boss makes Akaashi go on missions.... A blind man can see that he's not  **okay**. He barely goes to sleep, has those dark eyes, has constant nightmares, doesn't eat often, and I've only seen him drink coffee and eat pills." He can feel the veins near his kakugan bulge. "Doesn't Ushiwaka value his field agents? Doesn't he care about Akaashi?"

"...My mentor thinks that if he doesn't overwork himself, he'll be consumed by his demons- that is, seeing everyone he ever cared about dying right in front of him. He once said to Oikawa-san that he's afraid of falling asleep because of the reality he faces. " Kageyama places his mug down to rub his arms. There are purple marks blooming from the bruises of Akaashi's training that Bokuto sat in. "And don't underestimate Akaashi-san. He's still this good as a broken investigator, how do you think he was before Iwaizumi-san was injured?"

"...As good as Arima?"

"Up to par, maybe even better if it weren't for his age." Kageyama says, pointing to the wall of achievements and awards as Akaashi whispers his sister's name in his sleep. "That's why the Killing Owl targeted him and Oikawa-san and Iwaizumi-san. The power of the CCG was concentrated among them four years ago."

"But look how he's paying for it now! All these nightmares-"

"If he's still taking this path I'm sure he knows his own limits, Bokuto-san. He has his reasons for continuing to fight the Aogiri. What do you hope to do? Convince him to stop being a ghoul investigator and live a quiet life in some other country?"

"No!" His stomach twists. He honestly wants Akaashi to 'retire' or assume the same rank as Oikawa- working behind the scenes or being a researcher but he understands the reason why he became a ghoul investigator. It scares him, if he's honest to himself. That's why he spent a few minutes each morning reading the newspaper and looking out for the section in the paper that prints the name of each dead investigator in memory after he turned into a ghoul. He lived in constant fear of finding Akaashi's name there. "Of course not!"

They sit back, Kageyama pulling out his phone and responding to some emails as Bokuto watches Akaashi. The special class is shivering even under the weight of three comforters thrown over his curled body.

"...maguchi...tsukishi..."

There- another painful clench of his heart. "...former students?"

"He failed to save them.... There's a rumor hanging around the Academy that anyone who gets assigned to Akaashi-san will die next because he's the Grim Reaper. I want to prove that wrong though," Kageyama firmly says, staring out the window with resolve. "Akaashi-san is a good mentor- he's been teaching me how to wield so many different quinques that are hard for associate classes to hold and partner formation used against ghouls. I don't care what anyone says about him."

"A lot of people seems to have the wrong idea about him, don't they?"

"...I think it's just unfortunate luck. Akaashi-san isn't cold, he cares about everyone in the building. He used to visit the Academy often to lecture before he was promoted to Special Rank, now these days he looks after Oikawa-san... And he's lonely." Kageyama whispers, turning to Bokuto and hopping to his feet, bending his spine to bow. His words suddenly turned formal as he speaks in keigo. "In the near future I will be leaving his side for my first mission without his guidance.... Please take care of Akaashi-san for me."

Outside, the snow gracefully falls from the sky, shaped by the ever changing air pressure and dancing in the wind.

"Alright."

 

  
His tongue is thick in his mouth and Bokuto swallows the bile threatening to come up as Arima looks at him, blinking softly as snow pelts their form. "Hi." He manages to say, hunching his shoulders as Akaashi looks off to the side with half exasperation and half nervousness. 

"Hello." The CCG's Shinigami politely greets him back, before turning his head slowly to his student. A strong breeze blows his scent to Bokuto and he sniffs at it curiously, only to find that it smells like quinque metal and books. "Akaashi, there's something I need to talk to you about soon before I leave again."

"Now?" A frown is starting to appear on Akaashi's pale forehead. Bokuto sees his dark eyes flicker towards him and he hears the whir of the entrance open before an onslaught of lavender, apple and cologne overpowers his nose to the point of him gagging. An arm draped in white slings themselves around Akaashi. "O-Oikawa?"

"Arima! Finally visiting the nest, aren't you?" Arima only blinks in response as Oikawa gracefully spins on his leather soles, smoothly avoiding a patch of black ice before clamping his arm surprisingly on Bokuto, tugging him away from Akaashi's frozen figure and Arima. "You go have your reunion with Aka-chan. I'll keep Bokuto-chan company. Make sure you visit Ushiwacow, Arima-chan! He's lonely without you!" 

Oikawa continues to wave, grin plastered onto his face. Bokuto is released when the elevators door closes around him, and he sees the cheery mask drop a little from the investigator's face. He looks tired, but then again, which investigators don't look tired in this building? "...how are you, Bokuto?"

"...could be better." He thinks of Akaashi and Oikawa and the taboo of mentioning Iwaizumi in front of either of them as the elevator shoots up. "What about you?"

Oikawa claps his hands delightedly. "Oh, I've been planning the Christmas Party with Suga and Bakawaka-chan! Suga is very excited, but Ushiwaka always says no to a fondue fountain every year. There's a lot of things I could have some help in if you don't mind- mostly digging some the decorations out of the storage room and building the Christmas tree."

The prospect of celebrating a holiday perks him right up. "That sounds fun!"

"It does, isn't it?" Oikawa hums as he leads Bokuto to one room, flicking on the lights as they make their way through the shelves. "I always drag Aka-chan to make the tree with me every year. He hates it when I have to lift him up so he can put the star on top of the tree."

Bokuto imagines a very exasperated Akaashi being held by the waist with a golden light up star in his hands and laughs, stopping as Oikawa starts hauling out dusty boxes of decorations. "I wouldn't think the CCG would celebrate any holidays."

"I make it a point to do so to brighten everyone's spirits." Comes Oikawa's reply. "We're always bogged down by stress here. Majority of us don't visit home, choosing to remain in the 1st ward. I want to help them as much as I can, although I'm on house arrest most days."

That puzzled him. Wasn't he a special class? "What do you mean you're on house arrest?"

Oikawa grins. "After the extermination that killed Iwa-chan, Ushiwaka thinks that I'm too fragile to go around hunting ghouls anymore. I command missions behind the safety line, looking after each squad and telling them instructions. I manage the soldiers on the chessboard, ghoul." He straightens up, dumping five heavy boxes into Bokuto's arm, "That will be all, let's go. My allergies will react if anymore dust goes into my eyes."

Bokuto quietly follows him suit, studying the man and his silly white suit and bright colored ties, wondering of his true personality and the awards in his office. "Does Ushiwaka really control all of CCG?"

"No, his father does, Ushijima Senior. Despite being the next Chairman, he doesn't have a lot of power. He only controls the field agents and some of Cochlea's staff. The rest is managed by his father and the higher ranking officials." They drop the boxes in front of the special investigator's hallway and Oikawa sheds his coat, rolling the sleeves of his white dress shirt before smiling. "Alright! Let's cover the hallway with tinsel and mistletoes!"

By the end of it, Bokuto's arms were tingling and sore, and he rubs them as Oikawa hums Christmas carols. The wavy haired man smiled. "It just came to me, but Kageyama was covering up for you, wasn't he?"

The image of Akaashi glaring holes into Bokuto when he found out that they nearly burnt his office down sprung up. "...it's a long story." He dryly says.

"That's cute of you, ghoul-chan~"

 

 

"Where's Akaashi?"

Oikawa looks up from Bokuto languidly chewing on a leg from the other side of the isolation room in Cochlea's research department, arching an eyebrow as Suga passes him a cup of tea. He sneaks a quick peek outside at the never ending snow and sees a crowd of people stringing fairy lights a few blocks away in front of their stores. "Arima finally came home. He took Aka-chan so I'm looking after Bokuto for him. Bakawaka-chan is probably talking to Arima right now with Akaashi, why?"

Suga comes to stand beside him, putting one hand in his lab coat as the other holds up a mug. The researcher suddenly look stern, eyebrows pulling in the middle. "I have something to talk to you about."

"If it's another tv interview reject it for me-"

"It's about Iwaizumi."

He snaps his jaws shut. "...what about him?" Even with the ghouls living in the CCG building for nearly a month already, Oikawa has been denied permission left and right to visit him. He doesn't even know where he's being kept, and he's taken this matter to Ushiwaka who firmly stands by his decision of keeping them apart. Oikawa doesn't know what expression he has on his face but he can tell he's not pleased.

"Have you visited him?"

At that, he snorts loudly, crossing his arms. "What do  _you_ think? Ushiwaka forbade me to go anywhere near him- I don't even know which floor he's being kept at or even the room!" 

"I want to propose something outrageously crazy to the Director and I want to talk to Iwaizumi and Bokuto before I ask. Preferably, I want Akaashi to be there too since Kuroo left and he's the only one who has authority to visit them." Suga says.

"What is it?"

"Quinxs."

"No Suga."

"Yes, Suga." The researcher shoots back, calmly sipping his tea as Oikawa's throat dries up. "I told you it was crazy. The plan would be to train them as Quinxs though, since Arima came back from the Academy to do a progress report. Half ghouls and Quinxs are very similar in strength, and if they gave came here to warn us about the Aogiri I don't see any trust issues that will surface. Certainly if we weed off the weaker Aogiri ghouls and let them join our forces the tide of the battle could favor in us."

"You're not going operate on them?"

"There's no point in coating their kakuhous with quinque since they're already half-ghouls. And I don't even know if cutting out their kakuhous will injure them permanently or not." Oikawa swallows and Suga turns to him. "You look worried."

"Not...really. It's just surprising that you'd go...to this length." He mumbles, staring out at the snow covered city. 

"Says the person who wanted to 'save' them." Suga points out. 

"...That...that slipped out of my mouth." His hands itch for his quinque, remembering the days where his back would be protected by Iwaizumi. "What do the other's think?"

"I called Kuroo earlier on his drive to the 24th ward, and he thought I was crazy, and then complimented me on my craziness." Suga amusingly says. "I expect Marude to laugh at me when I present it tomorrow, but we'll see. What do you think about it, Commander?"

"Do you want my personal view or my investigator view?" He smiles at Suga, brain whirring as the researcher shoots him a look akin to Akaashi's. "Okay, okay! Personal view it is..."

He watches the snow continue to float down and pulls out the two rings around his neck. The chain is warm to his touch, heated by his body as he studies the engagement rings. "Suga?"

"Yes?"

"...is it wrong for ghouls and humans to be together?"

"Is that your answer?"

Bokuto skips out, kakugan disappearing as he smiles. "I'm done, Suga!"

As Suga pulls a syringe out of his pocket, Oikawa gulps the remaining tea in his cup, head fuzzy as he goes back to his office to read some reports while the ghoul gravitates to the piano. Among the wall of black text about the next extermination, he can hear a quiet murmur of Akaashi's voice from Ushiwaka's office. There's also a new voice, cold and reserved- Arima, presumably. His hearing isn't as good as Akaashi's, and he can only make out little blurbs in the otherwise quiet office.

Oikawa flings his hand dramatically to his face, dragging down the skin before making a face at the oil on his nose, looking for a blotting sheet somewhere in his drawers. Bokuto continues to plunk away on the chords, and it's not until Oikawa finishes blotting his face that he recognizes the chords.

"You play jazz?"

The piano halts, "A little here and there." Bokuto half smiles, as if remembering something funny.

That made Oikawa frown. "I don't peg Tatara the type to allow jazz musicians to roam freely, or any ghouls."

"There's an out of tune upright that's near its piano death bed. I sometimes entertain the ghouls there when I don't have anything to do." Bokuto grins, spreading his large hands over the keyboard easily. "The children there like it, and it keeps them occupied."

"...Hey, ghoul-chan?" 

"Mhm?"

"What..." Oikawa forces the words through his lips, "What do you think of Akaashi?"

Bokuto turns to face him as Oikawa nervously brushes against the handle of his quinque in his drawer. The ghoul looks thoughtful, staring at his piano with an expression Oikawa has seen on his own face all too well.

"Which side of him?"

"...Any?"

"...I don't recognize him anymore." Pain leaking into his laugh as Oikawa clenches his fist. He doesn't recognize Akaashi either, even after four years- "He used to be really...sweet? But ghouls can change that I guess. And me appearing like this-" Bokuto gestures to himself and to his office, "-he looked like someone slapped him in the face with a door. He doesn't talk to me- or avoids my questions if I try to pry."

"What was he like...before?" What was he like before ghouls destroyed his life? What was he like when he was a normal teenager who had positive ideals about the world and laughed and read books and curled up on his couch with a thick afghan and some tea? What did Akaashi take with his coffee before? What did Akaashi do with his spare time? What was he like before?

"A little exasperated." A small, nostalgic smile twists up on Bokuto's mouth. "Very polite. Smart too, holy shit I thought he could have skipped a grade when we were in high school. He's happier back then- has he told you about his family? Two professors as parents and an older sister who got a full entrance scholarship and a bunch of bursaries to Todai. His mother makes the best pork buns, and his dad is quiet, but he's super reliable- bailed Akaashi and I when we got lost in the suburbs.... Akaashi's really proud of his sister- they're really close too."

He looks down, watching the ghoul's fist tighten. "A-And, I was ridiculous happy when we started dating." A silly grin breaks from Bokuto, and Oikawa nearly misses the tears swimming in his eyes as he looks at the picture on his desk. One of Akaashi and Iwaizumi after Akaashi's promotion to Rank 1 Investigator, both of them smiling. "But it was cut short. Really short- the happiness that is."

"Has Iwa-chan told you that we mentored him?"

"...Yeah. I want to see how he was back in the Academy, but at the same time he's not the same person, you feel? He's different now, and I hate it." Bokuto grimaces, rubbing his eyes angrily as the words tumble faster and faster out of his mouth, "I hate the sort of person he's become- who focuses on the negative stuff too much and never lifts his head. He doesn't move forward and he's just content on spending his whole life under your boss and I'm angry. When was the last time you heard him laugh honestly from deep down? When was the last time he came out of the building for a vacation? When was the last time he smiled, for God's sake- when was the last time he was the Akaashi  **I**  knew?!"

The words fall out of his lips naturally, "I'm sorry for causing his change." Oikawa says, throat itching for something to keep him preoccupied. He used to smoke until Akaashi found out and flung his menthols into the incinerator down in Research, remembering how supremely fucked up he was back then. "You still love him."

Bokuto laughs, a self pitying laugh Oikawa has grown to know so well because he himself laughs like that. A painful twist emerges out of nowhere and he's sadly looking at the ghoul who's buying his head into his hands. "I still love him." Bokuto hoarsely says, "I still wish I can take everything back and protect him, but I can't do anything much more than this."

_We're birds of the same feather_ , Oikawa thinks, twisting his mouth down.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oikawa's finally going to be featured ft angsty flashbacks next week _you have been warned._ also, i'm working on kag's and precious sunshine son hinata's encounter and a side story of happy iwaoi and (happier) akaashi before iwa turned into a ghoul c:
> 
> as for the comments regarding which ending- you'll be surprised js. maybe this will be a series 
> 
>  
> 
> _maybe_


	13. My Dear Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> beta'd by the always amazing fortifiedacorn!
> 
> so i was talking with fortifiedacorn about the rough draft of the ending.  
> and. i quote.  
> fortifiedacorn: as your beta/editor, I am thoroughly terrified about reading the ending of this story and HELLA PUMPED AT THE SAME TIME.

_"FUKUROU!"_

_Anguish is rolling off his body as he straights his quinque, fist trembling as red fills his senses. He hears his student yelling at him hoarsely before he gives in, running forward, Tsukiyomi connecting to Owl's arm before Oikawa is thrown back._

_He wastes no time rolling to a tucked position, landing softly on the floor before dashing forward, teeth bared in a twisted snarl. His head is filled with Iwaizumi- Iwaizumi smiling, laughing, butting his head, handing him a bouquet of flowers, bending down on one knee, putting the ring around his finger, kissing him, hugging him, cleaning the blood off him, holding his hand, dancing with him, head on his shoulders, walking with him, side by side with the sun lighting his hair-_

_"Fuck you!"_

_Owl gives a tinny laugh, jaws stretched as his grin widens, eye dancing madly. Oikawa swings his quinque viciously, slashing off Owl's kakujas. Blood is rushing through his ears, blocking all sound as his throat tightens. He wants to throw up. His head is a cacophony of dull ringing and deafening screams. His body automatically strikes anything that he encounters, swinging his quinque and running before he trips against a dead body and falls._

_The cement is hard, his chin bruising itself in the process as his vision blurs with tears and he tastes bitterness in his mouth unlike any other. He's shaking- hands barely holding Tsukiyomi as he allows a dark growl to escape his mouth as he chases a ghoul, slaying him in one swift strike, ignoring the blood that splatters thickly at his hair._

_It's not enough. It's not enough for him. He wants to kill. He wants to injure someone, he wants to see blood bloom on the ground and feel the sticky wetness against his skin and taste the iron leeching the air. He wants the pain inside of him to be over with. He wants it to stop, he wants him back. He wants Iwaizumi back and laughing and alive and breathing-_

_"Oikawa-san, **stop!** "_

_He tears his arm from Akaashi's grip, the blood on his quinque splattering across his partner's student's face. Akaashi is white as bone, Oikawa clearly seeing the horror displayed on his face._

_"Get away from me!"_

_"They're calling more reinforcements." Akaashi tugs insistently on Oikawa with increasing urgency. The rest of the squad are already at the entrance of v.14, barking orders at one another as Oikawa feels his blood seethe. Akaashi shouldn't be talking to him- he's the cause of this. Cause of his death. Cause of everything. Catalyst. If he didn't come into their lives Iwaizumi wouldn't be dead and they would still be happy and- "Please, Oikawa-san, we have to move-"_

_He spins around, slapping Akaashi's hand away before his boots hits a sturdy something and he glances down._

_"I-Iwa..."_

_The endearing nickname never passes his lips. All the strength that has been holding him up slackens and his knees crashes onto the floor, and his quinque clatters on the cement. His heart is being mauled again, eyes scanning Iwaizumi as he hears an incoming stampede of ghouls moving through the underground tunnel. He shakily reaches forward, making contact with Iwaizumi's cold cheeks before he caresses it, once, twice before a strangled sound comes out._

_"W-wake up... please...." He begs, crouching so his elbows are touching the bloody ground- bloody from many ghouls. The iron makes him more nauseous, rolls his stomach like a ship caught in the middle of a storm as Oikawa clutches his fingers, feeling the coarse texture of their armor. He wants to stay here forever, let roots tangled around his legs to preserve this moment because there's no way he's moving from his position. He needs to wake up him up. Needs to call the field paramedics to him, and Oikawa whispers brokenly, "Please wake up."_

_A sudden movement, and he's suddenly hefted up by Akaashi, thrown like a potato sack as Oikawa is ripped away from Iwaizumi. The shock sets in immediately, and he's screaming and kicking his partner's student, twisting and thrashing wildly as Akaashi's arms clamps onto his body tighter. His throat is raw and he screeches. "Keiji! LET ME GO!"_

_"I'm sorry, Oikawa-san, but we're leaving!" Then the underground tunnels are overfilled with ghouls who springs forward, and Oikawa lets a painful howl leave his lips as Iwaizumi is swallowed by the red cloaks, disappearing from his view as Akaashi is flanked by Kuroo and Amon. He's screaming over and over again until he coughs, tears mixing in with the rain as they burst through the entrance and run to the safety of the trucks._

_Oikawa clings onto the ring in his hands, distraught at how easily it slid off from Iwaizumi's fingers as the tears drips down his face and the memories finally hit him. He opens his mouth, brain frozen on the day of their engagement, Iwaizumi's cheeks flushing as he grins bashfully, waving at him with the ring around his finger, sun shining behind him and Oikawa desperately reaches towards the underground entrance, fingers stretched out._

_"HAJIME!"_

A voice enters his alcohol fogged mind in a series of hisses and dark eyes. "Oikawa!" A hand roughly shakes him, and a small hiccup bubbles in between his laughter. His glazed eyes sees that the liquid in his glass just sloshed all over Akaashi, and he tries to apologize through his thick tongue, questions hanging on his brain like what's Akaashi doing here? How come he's always frowning at him and why is there white matter in his hair—

" _Oikawa!"_  

"Whaaaaat?" He whines, swatting Akaashi's hands around his shoulders. His student's hair is soaked, and Oikawa can smell his shampoo, which explains the flushed cheeks and too warm palms. He'd just gotten out of the shower. "Gooo 'way!" Unfortunately, he was aiming to be more wasted than this- preferably to the point of passing out so he won't deal with his junior's lectures or have flashbacks.

Akaashi's lips thins out into a single, harsh line before Oikawa is being dragged away by the scruff of his dress shirt. His student angrily orders him to put on his jacket, pulling out his wallet and passing a few large bills to the bartender, who looks sympathetically at him. Oikawa puts his glass down, trying to coordinate his limbs into a smooth movement to button up his coat before Akaashi releases a sigh, and one-handedly flicks the button over the holes, dragging him outside into the night.

"-You always frequent the same, seedy bar!" His student angrily hisses, tugging Oikawa forward with his good hand, leather shoes crunching into the snow on either side of the road. It's past midnight already, sky still yellow as it releases more snowflakes that captures Oikawa's short attention. His eyes lazily sweeps through the empty roads, a car passing every now and then as Akaashi's ears and nose turns red the longer they're in the cold environment. "-you're six years my senior, Oikawa-san! You should act like it! This is the 5th time in a row I've had to run around the city to look for you. I'm not Kuroo- I'm not going to lend you my shoulder to cry on. You're a Special Class Investigator! Start acting like one!"

"Where's ghoul-tan?" He slurs, nearly walking right into a pole for if it were not for Akaashi who tugs him out of the way just in time, eyes furiously burning. Oikawa doesn't understand his anger. It's a Friday- and Christmas is just right around the corner and everyone in the office has their undergarments twisted everywhere- they should be celebrating! A sudden thought comes into his mind then, why he went to the bar the first place. "Akaaa-taaan, where's ghoul-tan?"

"How much did you drink?"

He brightens, finally understanding a question and shamelessly giggling. "A lot!"

His junior rolls his eyes, still holding onto his sleeve as the CCG Building comes into view from the snow whipping past them. The wind is injecting tiny ice particles into his skin, and he blinks rapidly to ward off the cold entering the opening in his jacket as Akaashi turns and stops.

"Aka-tan?"

"...I'm sorry, Oikawa."

There are arms around him and he sees Akaashi pull back, eyes cloudy. "Did Aka-tan just hug me?" 

"...I know you're intoxicated," Akaashi slowly says for his benefit, "But how drunk are you really?"

"That's b-because Aka-tan never hugs me!" Akaashi ushers him into the building, and they collapse at the closest couches near the fireplaces in the lobby. Oikawa right goes to the flames, sticking his hands into the pit as Akaashi drags him back before turning the dial up on the electric fireplace. "Aka-tan?"

"Yes?"

Oikawa turns to look at him, nearing his face a little too close for comfort but Akaashi holds him steady. He's close enough to see the individual lashes and the bruises that are more black than purple underneath his eyes along with the green and yellow bruises  around his mouth. His hands, trembling from the cold still, brushes Akaashi's long bangs away, feeling the snow melting in it to saturate the dark, inky color. It feels strange, not bristly like he's accustomed to.

"Why did you became a ghoul investigator?"

Akaashi cocks an un-amused brow, clearly not hearing the question for the first time. "You ask me this every time you go out for a drink, Oikawa."

"That's because the answer changes!" His head doesn't feel as fuzzy anymore, rather he's slowly regaining his sense of balance, but he smothers his head into Akaashi's hold, whining. "Ahhh, Kuroo takes better care of me than you do, Aka-chan, and I'm  _your_ mentor."

"I'm not really your student anymore." Comes his dry answer. "We're the same rank."

"No fun."

"I can agree with that. Are you sober enough, Oikawa-san?" He shakes his head as Akaashi pulls back to ask a nearby security guard for a cup of water. Oikawa insistently tugs on Akaashi's coat before his student turns and sees him too close to his face. His reasoning started to come back to him, brief flashes of noticing the today's date on the calendar, avoiding Bakawaka in the hallways and sneaking out of the building when Akaashi was distracted. He went to the bar to forget the anniversary of Iwaizumi's death.

"...Oikawa-san?"

"I still love him." 

His student doesn't say anything, before nodding and murmuring a quiet thanks to the security guard as he hands Oikawa a mug of water. He clutches the porcelain desperately, watching the water slosh over the brim as he tries to move his arms closer to his mouth. After he finishes half of it (or what he thinks is half, his vision is still doubling in some places), Akaashi takes the cup gently from his hand and sets it to the small tables near the couches.

The fire merrily crackles between their silences, throwing yellows and oranges into the room.

"I know."

"...Why won't Bakawaka let me see him, Akaashi? Why aren't I allowed access to his isolation cell? Why is everyone so wary of me whenever they mention his name? Why did he have to appear?" He's shaking now, breathing in deeply as his eyes sting. With a lot of help, he gets onto his legs, although his body is still draped across Akaashi as they head towards the elevators, slowly moving through the halls before Akaashi opens the door and Oikawa collapses in his office. "Why.... _why_ didn't he tell me he's still alive? Why did he abandon us?"

After he stops hiccuping, he sees the cursed piano in his office, and stumbles towards it, motioning Akaashi to help him onto the cushy bench.

"I talked to the Director." Akaashi murmurs, opening the piano lid, voice quiet. Oikawa squints at the keys before looking at Akaashi and realizing the ghoul isn't anywhere near him. Shame, he nearly thought they were a deal now. Two for one. "He thinks if you don't see him you won't be hurt."

"Idiot." The names fall easily out of his mouth. "Daft, slow, despicable, awful, moronic  _bastard_." His fingers crashes onto the keys, some sort of chord resounding through the air, and he sees Akaashi wince uncomfortably from the corner of his eye as he plays a quick, ugly run, nails clacking. "Who does he  _think_ he is? He has no right to do that to me, does he?"

"No."

He's nodding now, progressively playing smoother. It's a strange skill of his- to be able to play so well while he's drunk and can't see his fingers clearly or the sheet music if there were one in front of him. "He treats me like a child!" Oikawa spits, "Leaves me out of conversations when I'm everyone's senior except Arima. Arima is always his favorite and all of my opinions go right out of the window when dearest Kishou-chan comes home and steals my spotlight! D'you know how hard it is to talk to Bakawaka when Arima is around? He literally stuffs me in the back of his head and gives Arima all of his attention. He's  **so** thick- HOW is he the Director of the CCG?!  **How** was he number one in my graduating year?!"

Akaashi's voice is dry. "He's just blunt and oblivious."

Oikawa prattles on as if Akaashi hasn't spoken. "If it weren't for me who does all of the talking for him, who does he have to thank for the donations? The Research department saps all of our funding every month and if it weren't for my obviously charming and adorable personality and beautiful face Ushiwacow would be screwed!  _So_ screwed! And what does  _he_  do?" He hisses, "He leaves me out of the important stuff after all the things I do to keep the CCG afloat from heavy debt! I talk to the public and keep our reputation up! I command every single field agent and he tosses me aside for Arima-chan! Has he forgotten who saved his sorry ass four years ago when Noro was about to eat him?! He doesn't tell me where Iwa-chan is or the room he's being kept in or even a chance to say hi to him!" Oikawa ends his rant by allowing a small scream to bubble up before finishing La Campanella with a slam.

The clock's hand in the room ticks continuously. After 54 ticks, he turns around to see Akaashi wearing the same expression. 

"Are you finished?"

"No." He stubbornly says, tongue thick in his mouth. He ponders how much of his rant got through Akaashi's ears as words and not slurred vowels. "But you don't need to hear the rest."

"Miscommunication is lethal in our line of work, Oikawa-san. I won't let you go around the office like this when the relationship between our Commander and Director are strained. Go talk to him. Now."

"Arima-"

"Arima went home already." Akaashi says in a clipped tone. "That or he went back to the Academy to train the Quinxs."

Suga's face appears in his head, grey eyes gleaming and Oikawa wonders if the researcher has told Akaashi yet. He's saved by speculating Akaashi's reaction when his junior looks at his watch. "...I've left Suga waiting too long."

"Is ghoul-tan with him?" He tries to quell the slurring from his speech, failing when Akaashi shoots him an unimpressed look. "Why do you always make that face?"

"What face?"

"That face. You look like someone forced you to swallow a lemon."

Akaashi smooths out his expression, irritation starting to settle as the clock turns 2 in the morning. "You're drunk, Oikawa-san. I'll make you some tea if it'll make you sleep-"

"Akaashi." He says seriously, folding his fingers from the piano and pegging his student with a heavy stare. "You make that face whenever the ghoul is involved."

He's dismissed quickly, Akaashi abruptly spinning to the kitchen to pull out a mug with one hand as his sling prevents him from using both his arms. "I'm not talking about this." There's a quiet anger around him, like smoldering tinder that hasn't grown to a wildfire yet. There had only been two times he'd seen Akaashi out of control, first had been when Bokuto was killed and the second when he faced Owl.

He teeters delicately on his feet, ground swaying beneath him as he takes little steps like a newborn colt, passing his shelves full of music books and orchestral suites heavy with dust. He watches as Akaashi busies himself with measuring a tablespoon of black tea, green tea, sunflower and rose before setting a timer to steep the blend. 

Akaashi is always quiet. Reserved. In control. And it gives Oikawa the creeps to see how similar he is to Arima, but that's natural because he'd train under him for a year. He carries himself with a certain dignity that makes everyone take a step back from him. "...doesn't it get lonely?"

Akaashi looks up, eyes confused. "Pardon?"

"Aren't you lonely?" Oikawa lowers his eyelashes, feeling so tired of everything. Tired of all the cases popping up around the wards and the mystery of the 24th ward and Kanou's connection to the Aogiri. Tired of Ushiwaka denying him. Tired of Akaashi's cold demeanor towards Bokuto when Oikawa knows what clearly is between them, but Akaashi is too  _daft_ to see it properly with his eyes. "I thought you would be happier since your boyfriend is alive, you know."

The timer for the tea beeps shrilly. Akaashi stiffens.

"...I  _am_ happy-" He forces out of his mouth, and Oikawa openly snorts.

"You don't act like it." Oikawa bitterly says, looking at the sunflower floating in his drink, voice becoming sharp as he remembers Iwaizumi's dead body and how ruined he was after- refusing to come out of his office, refusing to eat, refusing to sleep and refusing to talk for a good six months before Ushiwaka took it upon himself to punch him in the jaw. "You don't appreciate that you can see the person you love after you thought they were dead. You're wasting it. He's  _alive_ , Keiji. He's alive and he's right there where you can talk to him- I can't talk to Iwa! I can't see him. I can't read any reports regarding his information but you can talk to Bokuto and everything but you're just-  _you make me so frustrated!_ "

Akaashi bites his lip hard enough to draw blood, and Oikawa swallows thickly. He looks murderous- suppressed anger barely being kept in his frame, hands minutely shaking and his pupils shrinking as he glares at Oikawa.

" _Don't assume facts you don't know about me, Oikawa._ "

He quickly turns, heading towards the exit and excusing himself before slamming the door firmly.

Oikawa wilts, leaning against the wall before sliding down.

He's done it now.

 

_  
_(Over in the corner of the loud bar that's filled with tired businessmen and loud twenty year olds, Takatsuki Sen looks up from her book and smiles at the two investigators walking out, one stumbling, clearly drunk and another one with a calm yet ticked off expression on his face. She's rather surprised how no one has recognized them- the CCG's greatest doves- in plain sight.

She snaps out her phone before the door swings to a shut, bringing the screen closer to her as she zooms in on Akaashi's face, twirling a lock of green hair and giggling.

"Akaashi Keiji-kun, hm?")

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next week: kageyama meeting sunshine child. warning: more angst ensues.
> 
> also, i think we're around the halfway point of the fic...yeah..


	14. My Dear Hinata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my head i imagine the 24th ward as some small prefecture that has underground tunnels branching into all of tokyo and borders along the 11th and 23rd ward.
> 
> on another note, next week's chapter will be delayed. i'm going on a school trip so...maybe thursday will be the update C:
> 
> many thanks to my beta b/c i sobbed about hinata while i was writing this

He steps out of the car, stiffening himself against the wind chill that's biting into his cheeks, grey eyes sweeping the 24th ward.

"Good luck, Kageyama," Kuroo calls out, rolling his windows down a few inches. Kageyama can only make out a few inches of the investigator's hair and a faint smirk. "I wouldn't count on you capturing Eyepatch right away, but call me when you want to be picked up."

He bows to the car. "Of course, Kuroo-san." Without looking back, he spins forward, marching towards the shops and small department stores lining the small sector. It's more run down than the 1st ward, as expected, but a few people are walking here and there, bundled up in the cold weather.

Akaashi's Rin 1/2 bumps against his hip- he slung it over like a messenger bag when he remembered that there was a strap connected to the suitcase. Roy is in his dominant hand, and he warily strolls around, heading towards the quieter part of the city and sweating underneath his heavy scarf.

Witness reports on Eyepatch has been relatively low over the past month. The last known position he was captured in, is an abandoned warehouse bordering the 11th ward that the CCG sure belongs to the Aogiri. Kageyama has been instructed to avoid that place at all cost, and if he were to enter, Akaashi would suspend him on field operations until further notice.

The warehouse looms into view as he slows down, shoes wearing onto the beaten dirt path and overgrown dead weeds that still manage to poke out over two feet of snow. It's not a place he rather go in to be fair, there's a lingering presence he doesn't like about it. 

Kageyama's biggest concern right now, aside from his freezing toes and wet nose, is how to track Eyepatch down.

Deciding that he values his health more, he hurries back, pulling out his cellphone to call Kuroo from driving aimlessly around the neighborhood, missing a bright patch of orange peeping out of the warehouse.

 

  
"No luck today?"

"No," He grumbles, holding the cellphone in one hand, padding around his room in the 24th CCG Branch. After dropping him off, Kuroo has mysteriously disappeared somewhere with orders from Ushiwaka before pointing out a fellow investigator. Kageyama rubs his head with a towel, checking on his instant noodles before closing the flap. "I met an old classmate today, though."

Akaashi's voice is curious. "Oh?"

"Kindaichi Yuutarou." The aforementioned had gawked at him before realizing Kageyama was trained under  _the_ legendary Akaashi Keiji who was taught by  _the more_  legendary Iwaizumi Hajime that Kindaichi looked up to. "We were in the same year."

"...I vaguely remember someone of that name...." Comes his mentor's reply. "Arima came home."

"Arima-san?" He perks up. "What was he doing? I thought he was training the Quinxs?"

"Progress report. There's a few rumors hanging around the 24th ward of a ghoul cafe that serves humans. If you're stuck, Kageyama, you might want to stop by." Akaashi muffles a yawn over the phone.

"You should sleep, Akaashi-san."

"...I really should, but I should check on Oikawa before I sleep. Good night, Kageyama."

"Good night!" 

He pads to his instant noodles, stirring the broth with a pair of chopsticks before grabbing a stack of reports and a map of the ward he's memorized, re-reading them again. Eyepatch is an ukaku ghoul, meaning that he's fast and barely can be seen although he's a rank C- harmless for a rank 2 investigator like him.

But he remembers seeing a fiery eye with tears trailing down when Kageyama first saw him. The crow wing kagune had been small, weak in addition to the ghoul's physical size. Maybe they're the same age, Kageyama thinks, washing his mug before climbing onto the sofa-turned bed and lying on his pillows.

He doesn't fall asleep easily, mind still racing with thoughts and tactics to capture a flighty ghoul. He worries about his mentor and Oikawa-san, falling asleep sometime in the early morning when the sky begins to lighten.

Kageyama hovers around Kindaichi and his mentor the entire morning, borrowing their computers and going into the archives, reading old newspaper prints that are so small it makes the black letters float off the page. He declines Kuroo's offer to be driven around town and instead pulls on a pair of dark shades and trades his suit for his street wear.

He walks up the roads, hands digging deep into his pockets as the cold permeates the three layers of clothes he has on. Isolation has never been a problem with him, he studies, crossing a park and resting on a bench. He's been alone throughout his whole life and he was perfectly fine with it. His parents are ghoul investigators overseas, and he has never learned what a 'home' is.

Akaashi's face pops into his mind, and Kageyama promises himself to never get so involved with another person it will ruin him.

He may have thought the brain was a muscle, but one would have to be blind to not see the obvious tension between his senpais. A dove nearby coos at him, and he throws it a few crumbs from his pocket, breathing out a hiss of air that manages to smoke out in front of him. The temperature is dropping.

A mop of orange passes a bush, and he throws the doves at his feet a few more crumbs before standing up and casually following the orange haired ghoul.

Eyepatch is short, evidently, covering his wild curls with a beaten up cap that has seen better days and a parka that engulfs his childlike body.

True to his name, Kageyama sticks to the shadows, pausing in a store window that catch his interest because the last thing he wants to do is to alert the ghoul and lose him. Rin 1/2 is strapped to his back like a backpack, and he checks his reflection in the display case before watching the ghoul enter a cafe.

So Akaashi was right.

He speed dials Yachi without thinking. "Hello?" Her cheerful voice answers. They were in the same graduate class, except she graduated a year earlier than he did due to her high grades. 

"I found him."

She inhales. "Okay, okay, um- find a trash can? And hide yourself? Like. Don't look too suspicious and don't look like you're trying to follow someone because we don't want your cover blown-"

While Yachi is rambling into his ear, Kageyama enters an alleyway near the cafe, pleased that he can see Eyepatch enjoy a cup of coffee by the window seat. He'd have to report the cafe to the CCG and let them investigate it, but for now, he listens to Yachi and her overactive imagination as he presses himself against a brick wall.

"—How are you going to catch him?"

"He looks small. So maybe if I stuff him in a bag he'll come along nicely?"

A pause, "What would Akaashi-san do?"

"Lure him out to an empty section in the ward and knock him out before stuffing him in a bag and calling Kuroo-san to pick him up." He mumbles, watching the ghoul swinging his legs from his seat like a five year old. "How is this shrimp in the Aogiri?" Kageyama crouches to make himself comfortable, nose numb as he pitifully sniffs and thinks of the warm milk Akaashi makes for him during winter nights.

"I reviewed the security footage at the warehouse you first saw him... He looks very young." Yachi's concern fills his ears as the ghoul smiles, chatting with a waitress. "Too young."

"Maybe his parents are in the Aogiri."

"Maybe."

Kageyama watches frost build on the cement before flexing his frozen fingers. He'd forgotten his gloves and is regretting it, sticking them down his scarf and shivering. The sky is purple, darkening quickly as Eyepatch exits the cafe. He slowly comes out of his crouch, quickly telling Yachi that he's going to mute her before pursuing him.

The streets he's walking through are becoming less and less dense with people. In the distance, he sees the abandoned warehouse, and decides.

"Excuse me?" Kageyama calls out, making sure the sunglasses are perched on his nose as he alters his voice to carry an accent. The ghoul turns around, and he quickly walks to him.

"Yep?" Eyepatch smiles, blinking as Kageyama has to stretch his neck down. He's exactly a head shorter than him, orange bangs sticking out of the black toque covering his red ears. His voice is still high- young, like Yachi said. "Can I help you?"

"Could you...spare a moment with me?" Kageyama lifts a photograph of Eyepatch being carried away by Owl, printed off the security camera. The ghoul's face whitens, smile disappearing into a horrified look. "I want to talk to you about this."

Eyepatch's head snaps around, eyes flitting from the park bench to his left and the playground to his right. Kageyama steps back, hooking Rin 1/2 out of its straps before holding it in front of him, breathing in and flinching when he sees another orange haired ghoul stick her head out of a nearby shrub, sporting an identical face structure as the ghoul. 

"Natsu! RUN!"

Kageyama hisses into his phone by his breast pocket. "Yachi! Yachi, did you hear? Deploy Kuroo and Kindaichi. I'm by Rinkai Park- bordering the 23rd ward-"

"NATSU RUN!" Eyepatch yells, darting forward as Kageyama is slammed back forcefully.

Rin 1/2 bursts out of its shell, hitting Eyepatch in the chest as Kageyama presses his chest. A flurry of stars are exploding behind his eyelids, and his vision nearly doubles in some places. The ghoul's red eyes are watering as he sticks his arms out in a clear sign that he wasn't going to let Kageyama pass. 

He snaps his leg forward, meeting the ghoul's pitiful blocks before breaking through and swinging his body backwards into a back kick at nicks Eyepatch's jaw. The ghoul meets his foot, Kageyama hearing a satisfying sound of flesh hitting his shoes before the ghoul is sprawled onto his back, chest moving up and down.

"Your sister will be taken too."

"NO! NOT HER!" Eyepatch jumps up again, blood trickling out of one corner of his mouth as the red veins crawling towards his eyes widens. With a cry, he lunges at Kageyama, arms going for his neck when Kageyama quickly renders it useless by dodging to the side and using Eyepatch's momentum against him to send him sprawling into a snowbank.

Eyepatch launches himself at Kageyama's leg, and Kageyama times his jump, neatly going above Eyepatch before flipping in midair to land his feet squarely on Eyepatch's back. The ghoul hisses before pulling him off balance, exchanging blows.

They continue to fight, Kageyama landing in some critical kicks and receiving some punches. The ghoul wheezes to his feet, wobbling and coughing before he senses something and stops.

Eyepatch throws up blood, crimson splattering on the snow.

Kageyama stops, dread pooling in his feet. Clearly the ghoul isn't going to attack him anymore. Eyepatch coughs meekly, kagune burning brighter, ukaku lengthening until it resembles a large wing and Kageyama reevaluates his chances of getting out of a fight against an angry ghoul unscathed. Akaashi's Rin 1/2 lies half buried in a pile of snow, and he moves towards it, boots crunching until he touches the handle of the quinque.

A series of heavy footsteps, and his back is met with a powerful kick before Kageyama lands on his chest and looks back.

The ghoul hesitates, a tear rolling down his face. His fingers shake violently, twitching. " _Please.._. _run away_."

And Kageyama swings Rin 1/2 in a wide arc, slashing off two arms as Eyepatch falls. Immediately, strings of red poke out of the stumps on the ghoul's arm to reform the missing limb before he snarls, running forward to kick Rin 1/2 away from Kageyama.

" _Please_ -" He ducks, "- _run_ -" the ghoul swings his legs, making Kageyama's legs drop, "- _away_ -" Kageyama pulls Eyepatch down with him, driving an elbow into the gut and reaching the Rin 1/2's handle. "- _right now!_ "

They're nose to nose, breaths mixing in the cold air as snow presses into Kageyama's back, ghoul weighing down on his chest. The ghoul's red veins are becoming larger, red pupils widening before he fists his hands into Kageyama's scarf, gasping with a mix of saliva and blood leaking out of his mouth, " _Are you deaf?!_   _Run away right now- don't try to fight me-_ "

With the strength of Akaashi's ruthless training, Kageyama flicks the ghoul off with a huff, watching him crash a few feet away before rolling to a stop. "You're shorter and physically weaker than I am." He spits, reaching for Roy's case before swinging it behind his back to activate it. "I hate it the most when I'm underestimated."

The ghoul seems to have accepted his fate, arms still trying to regrow itself as Kageyama swings Roy. However, his eyes grew comically wide when he sees Roy, red pupils so wide it seems to be swallowing the black. A word slips out of his mouth, raw and dry.

" _Mom._ "

Kageyama slashes, Roy's black tendrils whipping forward to capture the ghoul. Eyepatch suddenly disappears, before appearing in front of him as he takes Kageyama's front and flipping him over, straddling his thighs to deliver punch after punch. Iron is flooding his mouth as Kageyama hears a muffled snap in him, a high pitch choke bubbling up his throat.

" _You scum!_ " The ghoul shrieks, tears falling onto Kageyama as his head starts to twitch wildly, neck producing a grotesque snapping sound. Black RC Cells are wrapping around his face, forming a long beak with a single red eye as he half transforms into a kakuja. He clutches his head, hands digging into his hair and furiously shaking his head.  " _No no no no- run away you shitty investigator run away right now run away run away run away run run run run run-_ "

"Y-Yachi..." Kageyama chokes, curling up into a ball to protect his ribs. The snow surrounding them is red- with whose blood Kageyama doesn't know. "Yachi!"

"- _D_ _oves are trash doves are trash they're trash and they killed my family and I'm the one who's left to protect my sister I have to protect her protect Natsu I have to protect Natsu because we're all alone and the CCG took my family away from me please run away please run away_ _please run away please run away_ _Arima took my father away from me and my mother sacrificed herself to let me run Mother why am I like this Mother why Mother why?_ " Eyepatch shrieks, twitching madly, veins popping out of his fingers as his ukaku wings lengthen behind him. " _Mother why am I so fucked up I hate investigators I hate them they ruined my family they ruined me!_ "

Kageyama struggles to keep his eyes open, ribs protesting as he holds onto the ghoul's arms to throw him off. This is it. He's really going to die here. Every single ghoul investigator had nightmares about how they're going to die, and he's going to be beaten to death, snow surrounding him with a crazy ghoul sitting on his chest.

He thinks of his family- vague mother with raven hair and his dad in a suit, walking away from him in the airport as he's left alone with a caretaker- and Akaashi, Suga, Oikawa, Yachi and the extended family who adopted him calmly- Akaashi sitting beside Suga in the courtyard when the cherry blossoms bloom with the sun beaming over the building- Yachi's grin and little twirl of happiness when she received her promotion- dinner with the entire investigation team- 

"- _what kind of person am I to let Natsu die please don't die Natsu don't leave me alone don't leave me along I don't like being alone I hate it I hate it it's too dark for me to see too dark_ _too dark_ _too dark_ _please don't please don't hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt me!_ please run away please run away please run away please run away ** _-_** "

At the last minute, the ghoul chuckles darkly and Kageyama's eyes flies open.

He croons over his face, the only facial expression visible is a smirk that isn't covered by the mask as he cups Kageyama's face gently. Kageyama can smell the scent of coffee and cloying blood at this distance, the ghoul's bangs brushing his forehead. Eyepatch's fingers are warm, sticky with his blood before he kisses him on the cheek to whisper, " _You look delicious, Investigator-san~_ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if it makes you feel better i ran to my beta right after i wrote the last sentence and screamed "WHAT HAVE I DONE"


	15. My Dear Setter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got a twitter! [https://twitter.com/yaboyhajime](url)
> 
> -hand claws out of a grave- I'M ALIVE! oh my god i'm _so_ sorry for not posting until today! I was too busy preparing for Banff and when I got back I had to deal with catching up in school work and study for AP and make up tests and quizzes and i'm really, really sorry :(( unfortunately, the next few weeks are going to be like this since the final exams for my classes are coming up, so bear with me.
> 
> beta'd by fortifiedacorn, i'm sorry for putting you through this pain but a tg AU never ends happy.
> 
> this is the long awaited feelings-are-revealed chapter where there is 30% action and 60% talking and angst-ing and 10% crying. you've been warned.

The elevator opens with a hiss, and Akaashi flies out, running straight towards a car as Yachi runs after him, dragging a large box, heels clacking in the underground parking. Kageyama's interactions with the ghoul are amplified in the sparse space, and Akaashi hears snapping and muffled screams from the cellphone in his hand and momentarily forgets he cannot drive before being pushed away by Bokuto.

He has no time for this. "Go back to Suga!"

" _You_ can't drive and  _she_ doesn't know how to drive!" Bokuto argues, snatching the keys before jamming it in the ignition, engine revving. Akaashi grabs the seat belt on the driver's side before buckling Bokuto in with a hissy sigh. Yachi had ran into a meeting between he and Ushiwaka, tears in her eyes before she explained the situation. "Yachi! Where is he?"

"K-Kinsai Park! Bordering the 23rd ward, take the highway and take the closest left turn-"

"Okay!" Tired squeal behind them as Akaashi turns on the GPS on the dashboard, watching the speedometer climb quickly. In the backseat, Yachi screams, flying to one side as she holds a large silver box filled with CRC Gas and spare quinques. Akaashi is rolling tape on his fingers with frantic speed, trying to block out the sounds of Kageyama and the crazed ghoul fighting from Yachi's coat pocket, moving on to switch his office shoes to the boots they wear for battle.

An incoming call rings from Akaashi's phone. He jams this thumb on the screen with enough force that he should have cracked it. "Kuroo."

"Bad traffic. I can't drive there in time- don't turn left-" Bokuto dangerously rises out of his seat to turn the siren on top of their car, zooming past civilian cars with enough speed that Akaashi should be yelling about safe driving, especially with ice covering the whole city. The siren does its job, the freeway becoming clearer as cars move off to the side of the road. "-circle around the 11th ward. Keep to the 9th ward and turn around-"

"Passing the 9th ward, entering the 23rd." Bokuto says, maneuvering his way off the highway and into town. Akaashi aggressively taps the GPS to show where Kinsai Park is, before barking out directions and shedding his coat. There's no time or space in the passenger seat to put on armor, and he opens the car door to dive into the snow before the car stops, Bokuto screaming at him.

"OI!"

"Yachi!"

She throws the box at him, and Akaashi runs forward, feet sinking into the snowbanks before seeing a black kakuja glint in the evening light. The ghoul is laughing, kakugan spinning in the socket like Bokuto's crazed state as Akaashi clears a fence and sees Kageyama under the ghoul.

_"You look delicious, Investigator-san~"_ The ghoul grins, before biting into Kageyama's neck.

Akaashi whips Amaterasu to fling the ghoul off, the edge of the whip catching the ghoul around the middle. Eyepatch lands with a soft thump in the thick snow and Akaashi retreats to crouch over Kageyama. He's bleeding lightly, the thick turtleneck he's bearing the the brunt of the ghoul's bite. Kageyama slowly opens his grey eyes and Akaashi wipes the blood off his mouth. His student grips his hand and hisses painfully. "...Ribs.... Hurt."

"I know. Yachi's coming." He says, cold travelling up his legs since he hasn't laced up his boots properly. He gently brushes Kageyama's bangs away, even his own voice sounds metallic and tinny to his ears. In the distance, he can hear Yachi scream into her cellphone, the green in her voice turning an ugly color. "You've done well, Kageyama, but I'll take over now."

Akaashi sees Kuroo's car pull up and the Special Investigator running with a field medic from the 24th ward branch on his tail. Akaashi walks close enough to see the ghoul's half broken kakuja mask.

" _-It's so dark in here so dark I don't know what sunlight is what is the sun what is light do you know what is light do you know what it feels like to be deprived of the sun and your senses in that dungeon don't hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt me don't hurt Natsu don't hurt her she's all I've got left don't hurt her-_ "

"...You're an incomplete kakuja." He states, circling around the ghoul writhing in the snow, six rinkaku scales poking out of his back, plus the two ukaku wings that makes eight. Eight kagune sacks. Monstrous amount for a little ghoul. "That rinkaku looks like Binge Eater's. What is she? Is she connected to the Aogiri? Why do you have her kagune?"

"-S _he's my baby sister she's my only family left Mom sacrificed herself for us and Dad got killed by Arima I hate Arima I hate Arima I hate ghoul investigators without them I would have a family but instead I don't I work for the Aogiri so Natsu won't be hurt I love Natsu I love my baby sister don't hurt her don't hurt her don't hurt her-_ "

"You hurt Kageyama. Even  _dared_ to bite an investigator." Akaashi hisses. "Your case won't be light if we bring you to court, Eyepatch."

"- _Natsu as long as you're not hurt it's fine I'll protect you I'll protect you I have to protect you have to protect have to protect have to protect don't put Rize near me don't put Rize near me-_ "

The headset in his ear finally bursts with Ushiwaka's voice.

"Akaashi, bring him alive."

"No!-"

"That's an order," Ushiwaka growls. "If you can't take an order then let Kuroo get him."

" _-One thousand minus seven minus seven minus seven minus seven minus seven minus seven minus seven minus seven minus seven_ _minus seven is whaaaaaaat?_ "

Akaashi flicks Amaterasu around the ghoul's legs to hold him down before lobbing a CRC Gas can at the ghoul. Eyepatch disappears behind a cloud of thick smoke, and by the time it dissipates, it's barely light enough to see Eyepatch knocked out, his kakujas shattered around him as Akaashi takes the handcuffs from his belt.

"Good." His headset says. 

"You owe me."

He doesn't say anything after that to Ushiwaka, lifting Eyepatch to throw over his shoulder before making his way to the squad cars. Kageyama is being lifted into an ambulance, oxygen mask strapped over his face. He wants to jump into the ambulance, but protocol surrounding the capture of a ghoul prevents him from doing so as Akaashi places the ghoul inside his car. With the mask gone, the ghoul looks in his late teens, tear streaks clinging to his cheeks. He sees Yachi pull out her CCG badge to shoo some passerbys. Kuroo is walking around with a cellphone stuck to his ear, muttering about preparing a room for Eyepatch back in the 1st ward.

"Kuroo," He says, passing the investigator, "look for Eyepatch's sister in the area. She needs to be captured."

"Alright."

When Akaashi enters the car and slides into the passenger seat, he observes Bokuto's pale face. He pulls the mirror on the overhead flap and doesn't see anything out of the ordinary except for his wet hair and tired eyes that sees Yamaguchi and Tsukishima in the backseat.

The silence between them crackles.

"...Hinata...he's not...he's a good kid..."

"He's dangerous enough to pass the requirements for Cochlea."

"...He's a good kid." Bokuto repeats like a broken record, voice turning a rusty copper, hair lighting in red and blue from the police light spinning into the car.

"And he's dangerous." Akaashi says with finality. "I don't make the decisions. The Council will examine him. Your opinion won't make a difference." 

 

  
The door opens with a quiet creak as Akaashi enters his office. Bokuto immediately goes to the couch, dropping his head in his hands as Akaashi takes off his clothes with quick, frozen hands before turning the water in his bathroom to scalding.

He lets the hot water wet his already damp hair. It turns bitterly cold when it flows down his legs as he grabs his soap before washing away the sweat. Akaashi rubs behind his ears, neck and feet, crouching in the cubicle, pretending to not see red in the water. It's his imagination he tells himself. His overactive imagination that acts up every time Kageyama is hurt.

Eventually, the spray above him shuts off by itself to converse water for the rest of the investigators who shares his floor. He looks down at his toes- ten perfectly fine toes, wiggling them with a detached feeling- before toweling off. He reaches for his sweats and a thin t-shirt before opening the door and letting steam escape.

Bokuto is sitting up, hair wilted. "Kageyama's stable. Kuroo passed by and told me you can see him if you want to."

Akaashi stares at him for a moment. "Can you wait a little longer before sleeping?"

"Yeah." Bokuto gets up, "I don't mind."

They walk down the short block towards the hospital, entering the warm building. A nurse on the front desk sees him, before gesturing to the elevators.

"Room 207." Is all she says, as Akaashi closes his eyes and leans against the elevator railing. His eyelids are drooping, but he can't sleep when something like this just happened. The noise of the hospital drones into his ears like a thousand angry bees and he wants desperately to be numb- or to sleep. He hasn't slept solidly for a good two days and it's taking a toll on him mentally. Brain replaying the ghoul biting Kageyama over and over again. 

Suga is in the room, hovering at the foot of Kageyama's bed. Akaashi is scared to walk up, but then steels himself because what is there to be afraid of? Kageyama is safe- he's stable and he's snoring away on his pillows, painkillers being given through his IV. Akaashi's consciousness shuts down briefly when he sees Kageyama's medical report.

"Broken ribs." Suga's clear voice cuts through the air. "After that attack, he's lucky to walk away with such a minor injury."

"...That's not the point. I was suppose to be deployed instead for S ranked ghouls." Akaashi stiffly says. "I would argue to move Eyepatch up to SS but Kuroo doesn't think his mental state is a big problem."

"We all thought he's a rank C, Akaashi, it's not your fault."

"But I came too late-"

"No, you came in time to save him." Suga insists, touching Akaashi's elbow, grey eyes lined with exhaustion boring holes into his. "If you hadn't broke every traffic law there is in the prefecture, I would think that Kageyama would need more morphine right now. Don't be so hard on yourself. He's safe, see? He was mumbling something about hot chocolate earlier."

"He likes them."

Suga smiles. "Then there's nothing to worry about. Here." The researcher hands Akaashi a warm cup of water. "Dr. Mishima told me you were going to come over, so I prepared this for you. You look exhausted."

"Thanks." He takes a large swing of water without thinking much about it, missing Bokuto's pursed lip. Suga excuses himself then, leaving with a swish of his lab coat.

Akaashi sidles closer to Kageyama's bedside, sitting precariously onto the chair on his left before catching a thick gauze wrapped around Kageyama's neck. 

He's wide awake, but he's exhausted at the same time.

Kageyama lets a little snort as he shifts around, legs hitting the bars on either side, before letting a suspicious grumble that sounded like 'giv' me m'milk', sprawling out with drool hanging out of his mouth. Akaashi plucks a tissue from the bedside tray to wipe it off, sighing heavily and becoming mortified when his eyes begins to prickle with hot tears.

He furiously blinks, trying very hard to prevent the tears from slipping out of his eyes when a warm hand touches his elbow and he's being turned around by Bokuto-

"There, there."

It's warm. He's in Bokuto's arms and his face fits in the groove between the ghoul's shoulder and neck. Akaashi can smell detergent off him, the synthetic fibers of his hoodie brushing against his face. Then he utters a sentence. Loud and clear in the otherwise quiet room as Akaashi clenches his fist.

"I failed him."

"No you didn't. You came just in time to save him. It's all thanks to my great driving skills really." Bokuto tries to reassure him by teasing him, but Akaashi doesn't even react to him. The scene is so strange to him- he's being hugged by the very same people who took away everything he has ever loved. "I understand how you would feel, though."

To his growing horror, the patch of Bokuto's sweatshirt he's pressed up against becomes wet with his tears and he's trying to swallow the lump in his throat before the ghoul finds out. A vice tightens around his neck as his roughly breathes in. He squirms- mostly because he doesn't like it when people touch him- but Bokuto mistakes his actions and instead starts rubbing his back.

"Kageyama is your student. He wouldn't be defeated that easily." 

"I'm his  _teacher_. I'm the reason why he didn't-"

"You've taught him plenty." Bokuto firmly says, arms tightening. Akaashi doesn't know why he's not fighting back. Maybe it's because he finally craves for some human contact- even one from a ghoul. His eyes are dampening even more now, tears refusing to slow down as they slip out of his eyes.

"...I'm supposed to keep him safe. I can't let him die. I can't let anyone else die. Everyone- they all die if they come close to me," He's no longer looking at the world with clear eyes, instead, he's making a mess into the crook of Bokuto's shoulder. "I can't lose Kageyama. I can't lose another student. I can't let my nightmares control me. I can't let myself be eaten by ghouls. I can't let another human life go to waste. I c-can't let my family perish- I- I haven't avenged them yet. I need to fight-  _I need to kill ghouls_ -  _What kind of teacher am I if I get all my students killed?_ "

The ghoul loosens his hold to look at his face properly, and Akaashi finds himself in a strange limbo between consciousness and unconsciousness as Bokuto's face blurs, and the noises in his ears turns muffled.

 

 

When Akaashi wakes, his mind is fuzzy. He's not sure what time of day it is, being that his eyes are still glued shut. He raises a hand to rub them, fireworks splashing across his lids before he tastes the bitterness on his tongue.

Then he remembers Suga giving him that cup of water and he curls his hand around the comforter covering him, slitting his eyes open to his dark office. There's a distant hum of cars in the night, but other than that, he feels a huff of breath before golden eyes find him.

Akaashi nearly punches the ghoul in the jaw.

" _Whoa, whoa, whoa-_ " Bokuto backs up as far as he can until his back hits one of the arms of the couch, hands flying up to show that he's innocent. "-okay chill. Calm down. Akaashi? You're in your office. You fell asleep in Kageyama's hospital room-"

"What are  _you_ doing here?" Akaashi manages to splutter, tongue tied as his mind races from him crying into Bokuto's shoulder, to the ghoul beside him on their make shift couch-bed. He feels a leg against his and he sits up, thankful for the darkness that hides his eminent bewilderment. A quick scan of his office tells him that his glasses are nowhere on his person and his eyes are still too gluey to open properly to squint at the clock. "What..time is it?"

"Four in the morning," Bokuto says, yawning. "Before you jump to conclusions, I was sleeping on my side but you were doing the worm in your sleep and crawled here."

Feeling foolish, Akaashi mumbles a quiet "oh" before sliding back into the couch, mindful of the space between he and Bokuto. The remnants of the sleeping pill is still attempting to drag him down into unconsciousness. His eyes feels tight- like how they should be after a long crying jig or breakdown. Flustered thoughts race around his head. He'd just confessed every single thing he was trying to keep hidden away for so long to Bokuto. Someone else other than he knows his inner turmoils and-

"You know." Bokuto starts. "You don't see yourself the way others see you."

"...I don't...understand."

The silence envelopes them as Bokuto turns so that they're facing each other, the spaces between their bodies lighting up with sparks. "You've done so much." he says with a hollow sort of voice that causes Akaashi's body to tense up.

"I lost my humanity." He exchanged whatever he had left to be an emotionless soldier who obeyed every single command to slaughter ghouls. "...I don't deserve those titles or the awards." He held his good hand up to the moon, purple veins clearly seen on his pale skin. "I don't know why I'm telling you all of this. My hands have killed many- hundreds or even thousands of ghouls, innocent or not. There was a time where I would constantly smell iron on my skin."

"Stop it." Bokuto orders. "Stop painting yourself the fallen hero. You're not defined by your past."

"The past brought me to where I am!" He glares at the ghoul, rising onto his elbows to look down at Bokuto's piercing eyes. In turn, the ghoul rises up as well, the comforter sliding to their hips as Akaashi angrily says, "They killed everyone I loved!"

"Doesn't mean that you blame your shit on your past! It shapes you but it never defines who you are! You move forward from the past and leave it behind!" Bokuto argues back. "When was the last time you forgave yourself, Akaashi? When was the last time you were truly happy? When were you ever enjoying life-"

"If you think I should live with nightmares each day you're a sadist! I can't handle seeing everyone around me die- I have to be emotionless! How many people have you lost? Not as many as the CCG!"

"You think just by being an investigator ghouls don't have the same feelings as you?" Bokuto growls. "That's the most absolute bullshit I've listened to all year. We have feelings too! Do you think I know what happened to my sister? What about my parents? Do you think I can check up on them? What happened to our former teammates, huh Akaashi? Have you ever put yourself in my shoes and thought about what it would be like to wake up one day being cut off from the only world you know? Being terrified of yourself and not knowing what you are? And being attracted to the scent of humans? Suddenly learning how to live in a different world where the strong gets preyed on too?  _Have you ever put yourself in my shoes?_ " 

He sees the ghoul's eye suddenly leech black, red pupil eerily burning in the darkness as Bokuto continues to silently glare at him. His jaw aches from clenching it too hard throughout Bokuto's argument.

"What happened to you, Akaashi?" Bokuto quietly asks, shoulders slumping down as he gathers the blankets around him. A cold draft tickles Akaashi's feet and he instinctively grabs onto some of the comforter, tugging it back. "...what happened to the Akaashi I knew?"

The words feels foreign on his tongue. 

"...Gone." 

"I refuse to believe that. The Akaashi I knew is somewhere in you."

He snaps at Bokuto. "Why does it matter to you?" Akaashi fully turns to look Bokuto in the eye, facing him as he grits his teeth. "Why do _I_ matter to  _you?_ "

"Why do you hate yourself?"

"Because I've killed hundreds." Akaashi hoarsely says. "I'm reduced to  _this_. A person full of vengeance and hatred. You should hate me, I kill ghouls. No amount of washing can take the blood away from my hands. People die when they get close to me. I was the reason why Iwaizumi died. It's because my stupid revenge that I killed Iwaizumi and ruined Oikawa. The Akaashi you know is gone, I'm just a soldier to the CCG."

"You're not! You're not just an empty shell full of revenge!"

"I came home to my family killed, my sister's body torn into pieces and the their heads lining up at the doorway! I  _am_ full of revenge! They killed my family! Revenge is all I have left!" His eyes are burning without his permission again, and he hastily looks to the comforter before twisting it further in his hands, wondering if the 350 something thread count will rip and thinking if Oikawa will mind if he shreds it. "I see them dead when I sleep everyday...  _You don't understand. You don't understand how alone I was for all these years-_ "

The last few words of his sentences are cut of as he's pulled into Bokuto's hug again. His left cheek is pressing against one of Bokuto's shirt they bought together at Shibuya, and he sees the material soak up his tears as Bokuto rubs a comforting hand through his hair, drawing him closer until Akaashi is in his lap.

He sees his fist curl around Bokuto's shirt from the corner of his eyes. " _Why... why are you being so kind to me?_ " Akaashi lies on Bokuto's chest as the ghoul swaddles them with the blanket. Akaashi's head is full of Bokuto's smell as the ghoul wipes his tears away. "I'm your mortal enemy. I  _kill_ your people."

"There are bad ghouls out there," Bokuto murmurs, still stroking Akaashi's hair. His fingernails gentle scrap against Akaashi's skull before his fingers twirl his long bangs. "Some ghouls do need to be killed, just like how there are bad humans out there that deserve to be punished. Due to the nature of our kind conflicting, we pose a threat to you, which is why the world sees us to be terminated. You're not wrong to kill ghouls, you hear? You're not wrong."

Akaashi's lids slowly flutter down. He feels his breathing even out. He shouldn't fall asleep in Bokuto's arms like this, his consciousness gently chides. 

"...You're Akaashi Keiji, 29 years old, one of the most celebrated ghoul investigators, next to Arima Kishou and Amon Koutarou. You're the student of Iwaizumi and Oikawa. Do you know how many ghouls feel fear when one of those people are mentioned? You don't give yourself enough credit. You save civilians from being turned into our food, you're helping them, Akaashi." If Akaashi concentrates hard enough he thinks he feels Bokuto's mouth near his ear. "I really wish I can take the nightmares away from you. You don't deserve that. I wish Owl never attacked your family. I wish we were still living our normal lives. I wish you can see how amazing you are for being this strong... The Grim Reaper is a mislead title- you're gentle. You kill them in the quickest and painless way possible even though most of the ghouls deserve worse. You're gentle, Akaashi. The blood on your hands shouldn't dictate who you are. The past doesn't shape who you are. It builds you but it should never define you. You're not a failure, you're a human being..."

He's so warm, and he hears one last thing before the night captures him again.

"...You're like a cherry tree. So beautiful and full of life but so fleeing, but every time you make an entrance, the world is in awe...."  

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im sorry for the cheesy line i made bokuto say?? but i thought it was a good metaphor
> 
> once i get through school i'll update faster. i promise
> 
> do you guys want to know what i'm working on?  
> -bokuaka and kurodai hogwarts au where akaashi and daichi are exchange students from mahoutokoro and kuroo and bokuto are thirsting after them. (what a great summary don't you think?) oh and there's a lil iwaoi in that one  
> -bokuaka "i have short term memory loss and holy shit that's my husband?!'"  
> -bokuaka au where bokuto is a photographer and akaashi is a model. the sequel to that would be a photographer akaashi and model bokuto. if you know anything about cameras and taking semi professional shoots pls help me i am **useless** with cameras  
>  -bokuaka vet au where bokuto works at a wild life rehabilitation center and akaashi is a vet.


	16. Omake: Doves

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> since i made a sneak peak of this chapter on twitter some of you have no clue what ghouls or investigators are, but this chapter relatively has no ties to the actual plot line so don't worry about reading 15+ chapters uwu
> 
> okay i headcanon that the CCG hands out scholarships for the top students of the graduating year that includes one on one lesson and a trip to the onsen to get to know the investigators before they graduate. It's hinted that tsukishima one of the top students in the academy.
> 
> sappy love songs that iwaoi should dance to: Flightless Bird and American Mouth by Iron & Wine
> 
> Beta'd by fortifiedacorn

The doors open apart to reveal Akaashi's twitching eyes, a pile of papers and a textbook as Iwaizumi's student angrily punches numbers into one of the Academy's student's calculator.

 

"Akaashi?"

"Iwaizumi-san!" Akaashi snaps his head up, finger momentarily pausing- and Iwaizumi sees that it twitches minutely, probably from the three cups of black coffee Akaashi downs every day- before looking back down at the scribbles and allowing his eyebrows to come together. His tie has been loosened, sleeves rolled up to show the bruises from the earlier kendo competition. "Please give me a moment, I'm nearly done-"

He waves his hand aloofly, greeting the boy who's squirming beside Akaashi. "Take your time. And you are?"

"K-Kindaichi Yuutarou!" The Academy student says, saluting before dropping into a formal bow, head nearly making contact with the desk in front of him. "P-P-Please to meet you, Iwaizumi-san!"

As Akaashi angrily scribbles something onto Kindaichi's paper, Iwaizumi drops into the other plastic chair that's not occupied by them, remembering when he himself used to spend hours in the lecture halls pouring over homework and eventually, ghoul slaying tactics with Oikawa's head sprawled across his lap at his attempt to nap in the room. "What year are you, Kindaichi?"

"Fourth! I will be training to be an investigator right after I graduate!" Kindaichi's eyes sparkles brightly, cheeks flushed as his grey eyes flickers to Akaashi. Iwaizumi sees a lot of admiration in them and can't help but think of how that hope is what the CCG might need in the future. "Is there a case you need to be working on right now, Iwaizumi-san?"

"Not really," He checks his watch. "I just need to grab something from the city before we return here for day two of the exchange." It's a professional week, meaning that the selected academy seniors who won a spot are following some of the investigators while a few of the special class come down for lectures and demonstrations. Akaashi looks up from his paper before placing the pencil down firmly, thin-lipped.

"Done." Except the way he said it sounds as if Akaashi had bargained his soul to solve a physics question. Iwaizumi smiles to Kindaichi, who chirps a kind  _thank you very much!_  as Akaashi goes to his side, hand holding his suitcase before exiting the lecture hall.

The walk through the Academy is familiar, complete with noise from the construction to expand the sports facilities and to build another swimming pool. A few birds twitter in the air, and they make their way out of the grounds, leather shoes on the cement walkway. Iwaizumi peers sideways at Akaashi and sees a peaceful look on his face- the first in a very long time.

"Something good?"

"Tokyo is pink today- like the cherry blossoms." He motions to the sakura trees lining the streets, the wind causing it to rain petals. It's still cold outside, but in the cold spring sun, Akaashi looks vibrant- pale skin healthily glowing and eyes twinkling as Iwaizumi smiles. "What are we doing today? Picking up some equipment for the judo class?"

"Just follow me." He says, walking among pedestrians and ignoring their looks. He'd opted to shed the white jacket that all CCG members seem to wear everywhere to blend in with the businessmen walking around with suitcases to cafes and restaurants for lunch, but they still manage to stick out a little. 

"Where's Oikawa-san?"

"Spring cleaning his closet," Iwaizumi wryly says, crossing the street. "Ushiwaka's being promoted to Director soon, so they're helping each other pick suits for his ceremony. I don't predict them progressing since they fight a lot. How was the competition?"

It's barely there, but there's a slight pride in Akaashi's voice. "First place again," He hums, allowing the corner of his mouth to quirk up. His hand flutters over to the bruises on his forearms. "A student called Tsukishima gave me these. They're strong again this year."

"I'll look forward to the annual onsen weekend, then." Iwaizumi grins, stepping into a store as Akaashi's eyes widens.

The lady behind the counter smiles politely at him as he ventures in deeper into the store, shoes clicking at the hardwood floors. The security guard at the door blinks boredly at Akaashi, who hurries after him. The cases are glittering under the bright lights as Iwaizumi sweeps the store, calmly looking into the cases before answering the woman's question.

"I'm here for engagement rings."

The lady chirps a friendly confirmation, shuffling him to the side of the store. Akaashi is still staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face, eyes bewildered. As Iwaizumi takes in consideration of the rings presented to him and the hot lights, he sees Akaashi gravitate towards a set of plain gold bands. His fingers twitches as if he wants to touch the metal. 

"-Sir?"

"Silver," He says, eyes flitting back to the lady behind the counter. "Silver bands would be nice."

She smiles at him again, opening a second case to pull out four boxes.

The first one is too flashy- three diamonds poking out of the band. It may be Oikawa's style but it's out of his comfort zone, and there was simply no need to spend so much money on rocks when there's a chance of them falling off in exterminations.

The second one is pretty- one band a complete silver and the other one with a small diamond studded in the middle. Iwaizumi takes the studded one and spins it around his hands, imagining Oikawa's reaction. He'd definitely be teary- maybe demolish a few tissue boxes before skipping to Suga to show off the ring. 

The third one is plain, thick silver bands with two diamonds studded on top of one another. Akaashi hovers beside him, murmuring so quietly the woman cocks her head curiously. "For Oikawa-san?"

"Yep." He places the third set back before opening the fourth box and breathing in.

It's plain. It's even plainer than the third one. This set is just full metal, with two rings near the edges to show off the polished surface, but somehow it makes something move in his chest. Akaashi smiles beside him, quietly whispering, "I think this is the one."

"Yeah." He inhales, pushing the box to the lady. "These ones, please."

"Excellent choice, sir. We can inscribe something on the inside of the rings, would you like to send us a design?" She asks, closing all the other boxes before placing them back into the case and smoothly locking them up. He nods, quickly going over the paperwork and scrawling something quick on a spare sheet of paper as she takes the paperwork and places it into the Ziploc bag. She bows, "We will call you when you'll be able to pick it up, have a good day!"

They say a short thank you, before going out into the sun again.

 

 

Iwaizumi snorts.

"Iwa-chan!"

Six feet of barely contained excitement dashes into his arms, and as Iwaizumi calmly catches his boyfriend around the middle, he surveys Akaashi's exasperated expression and Ushijima's concerned one as he frowns at the two ties in his hands.

Oikawa pulls back eagerly, grin brightening the room before patting the blue dress shirt Iwaizumi has buttoned on for the special ceremony today. "You're wearing it." He says affectionately.

"It's your favorite, idiot of course I would." Iwaizumi automatically says, entering Ushijima's office that's covered in boxes. His promotion up the ladder to be the Director of the CCG would have him to switch to a larger and grander office on the Special Investigator floor. Oikawa sneaks a quick kiss to his mouth before bouncing back to Ushijima and scowling.

"Have you decided?" He asks with an all too important tone that sounds like they're discussing the budget of this year's research grant.

Ushijima furrows his eyebrows further. "Why does it matter which tie I wear? They're both black."

A strangled choke and screech comes out of Oikawa. "Aka-chan!" His student snaps his head up from the thick book in his hands. Iwaizumi languidly drops onto Ushijima's couch to join Akaashi as Oikawa turns red from frustration. "When you're being promoted you wear your best outfit, am I right?"

"We always wear suits, though."

"Terrible! You're supposed to agree with me! The answer is yes! And Bakawaka-chan can't wear his black suit all day long! At least change up the tie," Oikawa tuts, grabbing the fancier tie with grey stripes running diagonally across the fabric and shaking it to Ushijima. "Everyone is going to be there!  _Everyone!_ "

Akaashi quips, "You should be getting ready yourself Oikawa-san. It's starting in an hour."

His boyfriend looks at the watch on his wrist and lets another scream out before grabbing the material of his sweats and t-shirt. Iwaizumi stifles the laugh. This was the reason why he came to check up on them- so he can remind Oikawa to get ready and to stop fussing over Ushijima's wardrobe.

"Ushiwaka-chan. Please for the love of god-  _please listen to me_. Yellow is not your color. Wear something classy- I've explained the color wheel theory to you four times in the last hour. Or listen to Aka-chan. I'm going to run to my office and get ready." His boyfriend grabs him by the wrist before running out of the office with a wave. Iwaizumi listens to Oikawa as they walk into their office. "Oh no, what should I wear- I can't wear the striped shirt it'll clash with Akaashi's-"

"What you're wearing is fine." He teases, catching the shirt thrown at his head. "No one has ever worn sweats before."

"Meanie." Oikawa says, digging into the wardrobe in the bathroom as Iwaizumi leans on the door frame. "This is Aka-chan's promotion too- I'm not going to embarrass him by wearing sweats to his promotion as first-class."

Iwaizumi hums, watching Oikawa button his dress shirt before tracing the box in his pocket. "They're all growing so fast."

"Aka-chan can still train under you if he so wishes." Oikawa says, grabbing one of the many hair products sitting on their bathroom counter and running a hand through his hair. "And I talked to him- he has no wishes to get a partner so soon after his promotion. You've grown to like him a lot, hm?"

"Someone needs to look after his recklessness." Iwaizumi says, feeling the plush leather of the box. His palms starts to sweat. "In the years he's been with us it's toned down, but his goal is to kill Owl." 

Oikawa hurries out of the bathroom, pulling down his sweatpants and raising a leg as he hops around the office, grabbing a belt and tucking the dress shirt in. Iwaizumi has no idea how to approach this. He could wait until the today's ceremony is over and after the big dinner with everyone, but that feels too long and his nerves are strained enough already. His mouth is quickly losing moisture.

A palm cups his face. Oikawa frowns a little at him. "You look worried."

"Been dealing with newbies." He lies. "A lot of people are flunking the physical exams."

Oikawa releases his cheek but doesn't drop the frown. "In that case maybe we should give extra lessons. Akaashi's rather good at it, isn't he? Releasing his teenager angst through kicking."

"Oikawa." He tsks, "Just because he broke three dummies by sparring with that Tsukishima kid doesn't allow you to tease him all day and night about this."

"But I love Aka-chan! And I know he loves me back, so I'm allowed to tease my cute kouhai." Oikawa winks, pulling black socks. "Do you want to eat with the others tonight or get take out and watch Pacific Rim tonight in our apartment?"

They've lived in the CCG Building for so long Iwaizumi sometimes forgotten they have an apartment in the city. It wasn't fancy or small. It fit their needs pretty well and serves as a little vacation spot when two of them needed somewhere else to relax other than the gym or the courtyard. "Depends, what do you want to do?"

"My, my what a gentleman." Oikawa smooches a quick kiss before Iwaizumi helps him tie his tie. He can smell Oikawa's hair products, and snugly adjusts the black tie around his neck. "I don't mind eating alone, but it's Aka-chan's promotion tonight, so I think we should eat with everyone. Everyone seems to be in a relatively good mood lately, maybe it's the weather." 

"It's Kuroo's and Sawamura's wedding anniversary." Iwaizumi suddenly realizes, looking at the large calendar pinned to the wall. 

Oikawa nods, resting his head on his shoulders. "Hmm.... They've been together before we even came to the Academy haven't they? That's a long fifteen years of knowing someone."

"Are we reminiscing?"

"Yes. Do you remember the day you couldn't sleep because our dorm room was too big and you were still scared of the large closet?"

"Prick. I remember you wetting your pants when we had to dissect a fetal pig."

"It was all jelly like and pink and slimy! You're a brute so it didn't matter!"

"What about when we were 15 and you were so keen on kicking Ushijima off his high throne you ignored him but it backfired on you when he was your sparring partner for a whole month?"

"That's different." Oikawa sniffs, tugging on a suit jacket before patting the lapels. "We're good now- he's still a cow but he's more tolerable."

Iwaizumi hides his smile by crouching to tie Oikawa's shoes. A quick glance to the clock tells him that they'll be late if they don't hurry. "It's good though that you two are on good terms. I heard some news that they'll promote you to Commander in the future once Ushijima is Director."

"What about you? I don't want to be Commander without you."

Iwaizumi opens and closes his mouth. "...I'm sure we'll still be partners. You can petition to Ushijima about it. It's better than talking to his dad."

"True." His boyfriend rubs his chin as Iwaizumi finishes the last knot. Iwaizumi plays around with the ring box in his hands, nervously wetting his lips and looking up to see Oikawa already staring at him, eyes wide as he registers the bent knee and the white cube. "Iwa-chan, no."

"Oikawa Tooru," He nervously says, "I-"

" _Are you proposing to me?_ "

" _You're ruining it! Let me talk!_ " Heat erupts across his face as Oikawa's eyes begins to water. There's now a huge pressure around his Adam's apple and he swallows multiple times, opening to box to show the plain silver ring on display and praying to whatever god that's watching right now so his voice wouldn't crack like he's going through puberty all over again. "Oikawa. I've known you since we were in diapers."

" _Iwa-chan..._ " He hears him sniffle. "That's not very romantic."

"I'm  _trying_ over here... There's not a day I want to live without you. We shared a room since we were seven and I took care and wiped your ass after you and stayed by your side when you were sick. "In health and sickness." That's one down. "To keep you for better or for worse." I'm not saying we have shitty lives but we're now here in the present. We lost our families together and got shipped here and graduated together. We share an apartment, and have 'kids'. I'll continue to be by your side, so.... Marry me." He grips onto Oikawa's hand, now sparkling as the evening light shines onto the ring.

Oikawa's voice is right next to his ear as he hugs him. Iwaizumi can smell the barest hint of lavender on him as he loosely holds onto his waist, feeling the metal of his quinque on his belt. " _Of course._  I can't believe you jumped the gun, dummy. I was thinking of making a move since you're so slow."

"Lies." He kisses him slowly, brushing the tears off Oikawa's cheeks. "I beat your ass during every sports festival before, during and after the Academy days."

"Iwa-chan is such a romantic when he wants to." Oikawa teases.

"You're very supportive when you want be."

"I am always supportive of Iwa-chan!" Oikawa looks at his ring again, and Iwaizumi doesn't stop the smile breaking his face as the other sniffs. "When did you buy this?"

"A couple of weeks ago. Two, I think. Akaashi came with me."

"Where's your pair?" Oikawa suddenly says. "I want to put one on you."

He rubs the back of his neck. Suddenly, the room felt too hot and stuffy even though all the windows in their office are open. "...It's in my desk-" Oikawa spins away from his arms, nearly tripping over a small garbage can by the side of his desk before pulling the first drawer where he keeps spare notepads and sensitive folders. Iwaizumi hastily meets Oikawa's eyes, lips thinned as the other beams before taking his hand.

"...Thank you... for being by my side all of these years, Hajime." Oikawa starts, voice thick and warm as he slides the cool band onto Iwaizumi's fourth finger. The sun settles on the silver nicely, reflecting light just as Oikawa laces their fingers together and bumping his forehead gently to Iwaizumi's. "Thank you for being a dear friend, constant companion and... just  _being_ here for me."

Iwaizumi lets his head settle on the curve of Oikawa's neck, lips brushing against the pulse as he smiles. "No problem."

They stay like that, swaying to Flightless Bird and American Mouth gently crooning over the stereo in the corner. Oikawa slides one hand to his waist before wrapping the other around his hand, now pulling him into a proper dancing pose. "Is that a sappy smile I see on your face, Iwa-chan?"

A sort of breathless chuckle slips through his mouth as Oikawa rotates them in a circle, moving side to side. "Maybe. I'm surprised you haven't stepped on my feet yet." Oikawa lets out a small whine of protest. 

"Is my Iwa-chan still blushing like a maiden in love?"

"I'll eat all your food from the buffet tonight." 

Oikawa has the audacity to giggle even though they're in their thirties, cheeks still flushed. "That means yes!"

A knock disturbs them, and a harassed looking intern pokes her head in, "Sorry, but the ceremony is starting in ten minutes and Oikawa-san has to prepare-"

"Ah yes! I'll be there- tell Ushiwaka to start first, I'll be there in two." Oikawa pats his pockets for cue cards as Iwaizumi ushers them out after the intern. They're just entering the large ballroom where ceremonies are being held when Oikawa tugs on his wrist, and Iwaizumi only registers Oikawa's cologne before being kissed.

"No good luck for me?" Oikawa teases.

Iwaizumi rolls his eyes good naturedly, spotting Kuroo and Daichi at their table as the last stranglers make it past the door. "It's just a speech."

He does however, kiss him again.

 

 

"What's this you have inside the rings, Iwa-chan? Illis... Illis quos amo deserviam?"

"It means, 'For those I love, I will sacrifice.'"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the latin part at the end is all thanks to fortifiedacorn who suggested it because if it were not for him, oikawa's ring would have said, "you're my idiot"
> 
> it's gotten to the point where i'm so invested in this angsty au that i can't write fluff anymore someone please slay me


	17. Omake: Yachi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> because i'm a superb planner (i'm being sarcastic) this week's update is another side story. Again. I'M SORRY! i forgot to give the actual next chapter to my beta ; v ; and this has been sitting in my update list for a few days....so why not?
> 
> OTL i'm sorry. please forgive me.

She wants to _burn_ her textbook.

 

The hair at the back of her neck is as greasy as Tanaka's fingers when they have auto mechanics in the afternoon. The blonde strands are too glossy and she doesn't dare plunge her fingers into the sloppy bun to feel how much oil there is. She knows she'll probably scream and run straight towards the showers.

A quick look at the floor to ceiling windows in the Academy's common area tells her that it's just a few hours after midnight. The stars are twinkling brightly outside, and as much as she would like to lounge up in the rooftops after hours, Yachi's finals for her fourth year are coming up too soon.

When she looks down at the glass table, topped with three heavy textbooks and five notebooks with highlighters and pens of different colors everywhere, her eyes starts to prickle. Yachi hastily rubs the offending moisture, sniffing quietly. Fourth year and fifth year are the hardest in the CCG's Academy. If she thought her mid terms last semester were tough, she was wrong. Their fourth year requires them to know investigator level knowledge of quinques- how to wield them, the composition of the cells and the manufacturing of them, even though some will not be quinque makers. 

She knows the composition of quinque cells and the steps to manufacture them like the back of her hand. The thing she doesn't understand is the physical aspect of wielding a quinque.

And that's what has her crying.

It seemed that out of the 27 people in her year, everyone but her has gotten natural talents to wield basic quinques and attack formation. It doesn't matter how many hours she spent training in the gym- the quinque wouldn't respond to her and her panic for her grades rose higher and higher each class as she watched her grades snuff out.

"You shouldn't be up this late."

She lets out a small squeak of surprise, looking up into the tired, dark eyes of a CCG investigator. "I-I-I was studying. Sir." Yachi blurts out the last part, forgetting that during finals week the CCG Headquarters usually sends some of their top investigators to help the students out. 

"...Yachi Hitoka...right?"

"Y-Yes!"

The man moves into the light. "You were in my lecture this afternoon." Akaashi briefly tugs the corner of his mouth up into a small smile. The smile seemed too lifeless to be properly called one, but like any other high ranked schools, when a rumor starts, it spreads. In his case, everyone knows about the death of his mentor.

"Ah. H-Hello, Akaashi-san." She looks at her large backpack occupying the second chair. "Do you want to take a seat?"

"No, but if you're struggling, I don't mind helping you." He offers, titling his head. "I was once like you."

The offer seemed too good to be true, and she nods, thank yous spilling out of her mouth as she clears half the table for his water bottle. Akaashi scrutinizes her notes for a few minutes, before raising a brow and saying, "You're failing the physical exams, weren't you?"

She looks down, hot shame flashing through her. "I don't know what I'm doing wrong to be honest. Everyone seemed to be doing very well on the physical part of the exam. Not even Tsukki can help me." Tsukishima's probably one of the best in their year that can keep up along First Class Investigators in sparring matches. He tried to help her but either Yachi has two left feet she never knew about or she's just naturally bad with quinques.

Akaashi is pensive. He seems to be thinking, his right hand twitching every now and then. She takes a closer look at the talented investigator and found that by the slope of his shoulders, it seemed as if he's carrying the weight of the whole world with him. There's a small rod attached to his belt- a quinque.

Iwaizumi Hajime's quinque and last memento.

"-I could take you to the gymnasium now, if you wish."

Her eyes snaps upward. "Oh- I couldn't ask that that of you!"

"I think helping a senior is worth a couple hours of sleep," He gently says. "And I could always ask Kuroo to fill in for me if I'm that tired tomorrow."

She rants off another set of thank yous as he carries two of her three textbooks in his arms, walking though the empty hallway of the Academy to the training room. He asks her about her classes and classmates, and what she has trouble with specifically. When she told him that the quinque won't respond to her, he frowns, lips pursed in thought as he takes off his loafers to pad barefoot onto the mats.

The second gymnasium is smaller than the first one, but it still can hold a maximum of 1000 people and several weapon racks full of quinques of all types and shapes. Akaashi looks at the wall of quinques as she hops forward to pick out a small bikaku in the shape of a katana.

When her eyes flicker to him, she sees play with Iwaizumi's quinque before watching a flash of hurt flicker by.

"...are you okay?"

His mouth opens and closes like a fish. It's as if he wants to desperately say something that has been trapped in his chest for weeks, the emotion flailing out of his chest, but he reels it back in with a smooth poker face that's kind, albeit cold, "No worries," and moves forward to pluck a koukaku sword instead of the quinque at his belt.

"I'll warm you up with some light lunges and parries," He calls, moving backwards and settling into a loose stance. "Tell me to stop when you feel warmed up."

She nods, and quickly moves to the side to avoid being skewered. The blade of Akaashi's koukaku hits her bikaku, nearly knocking it out of her grip. She presses forward while she has the advantage, blocking awkwardly and running through the initial steps of knocking his quinque out of his hands when his sword flings her weapon out of her hands and onto the floor.

"Good footwork and posture. Bad sword handling," He points out in a kind voice. "Who taught you how to hold the sword like that?"

"Erm- the instructor retired I think." She fumbles. "I-I know it's different but my hands are smaller than most people and if I hold it the way everyone holds it my reaction time will be slower..." 

"It's easy to get the sword knocked out of your hand if you hold it like that. I think it's better for you to change weapons if you want to elevate your marks. Next year you can start training again with the proper way to grip but for now, try using a staff or whip."

Yachi looks at her toes. "...Those... those won't listen to me."

When she looks up, Akaashi looks puzzled. He drops onto the cushy floors and motions for her to do the same. "...It won't listen to you?"

"I-It feels like... like they're rejecting me." She mumbles, holding the quinque in her hands. "I don't feel safe with these. They don't respond well to my actions even though I try very hard. The book says they should respond very well to investigators who have a few years of practice under their belt."

"How long have you been a student?"

"Since before I starting coming to the Academy. My mother works as a quinque maker overseas. I'm no stranger to how they work but- but they won't listen to me!" She tears up. "My physical final is in three days and I don't know what to do when Instructor Shinohara verses me and finds out that I don't have a compatibility for quinques!"

"...I don't have the power to postpone, or even delay finals, but what you can do is your best." He says gently. "You know how to press the opponent, and if you're smart about cornering Shinohara-san, it'll waste a few minutes. Do you know what I learned most from the Academy?"

Yachi rubs her eyes, taking the tissue offered from Akaashi. "What?"

"All the fighting you learn here is only half what you apply outside. Ghouls, they don't use quinques, meaning their movements will be different and depending on how they use it, they either show more vulnerability and expose their soft parts or surprise you." Akaashi bumps his shoulder to her. "So don't worry so much about your compatibility. You already know the footsteps, and Shinohara-san is easily impressed if someone can hold him off for three minutes."

"...Thank you, Akaashi-san, but I still don't feel very good about it."

"...If the CCG fails a graduating salutatorian because she fails to meet the absolute gold standard of their physical exams, I think they're being fools. Your talents, if they're nurtured under the right mentor, will be a valuable asset to us once you graduate." Then to lighten the mood, he says, "Don't worry so much. One of my mentor's friend knocked off the wig of his instructor in front of everyone. I think he still has reoccurring nightmares about it."

Despite her exhaustion, the image of Akaashi's coworker embarrassing himself makes a small smile spread on her face. He smiles back a little, twitching the corner of his lips as she draws her knees towards her chest. "How do you do it? ...Being an investigator? Doesn't it wear you out?"

He frowns. "What do you mean?"

"...Don't you feel tired?"

"Of course I feel tired. The paper work is tedious and I don't have enough hours in the day to eat."

"...Then why?"

Akaashi looks down at the quinque. "...To get revenge for the ones I love... and to finish what Iwaizumi-san couldn't finish."

"I'm sorry...about your loss."

Akaashi shrugs. "We're still doing damage control. A lot of investigators didn't come back with us and we're shifting through the security footage, or what's left of it to identify the ones missing in action." His dark eyes flickers up. "If you think the work we do is tough, I think that's a clue to you."

She knits her brows.

"You know how the quinques work down to the cellular value, and I've seen the designs that are posted in the entrance way." Yachi flashes back to the design of a fan like shield that made her professor cry tears of joy. "If you like design... why don't you become a quinque maker? Enrolling into the Academy isn't necessarily just to mold students into investigators. There are researchers and scientists who we need. Field work is only a small part of this world."

Something inside her flutters- a sensation of hope sprouting through anxiety like a seed. "Do you think the Academy will let me switch majors this late into the game?"

Akaashi looks directly at her, "I'll write a personal recommendation to your counselor."

"W-Will you really do that?"

"Why wouldn't I? I wouldn't be here if it weren't for my mentors guiding me." He hands her another tissue and sits back just as the first rays of sunrise starts to creep into the gymnasium's windows. "I smell breakfast. You should go eat something."

Yachi nods, standing up and dabbing her eyes as Akaashi puts their quinques away before locking up the gym. They make their way through the athletics hall before stopping where it merges with the entrance hall. Akaashi turns to her, a hand brushing a folder he was carrying earlier. "Do you best. I'll be rooting for you."

She's left to wave at his back when he starts walking outside the building, sun catching the tips of his hair. "Yes! Thank you again!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you guys think of a side story that'll be posted separately about how iwa and oikawa became ghoul investigators?


	18. My Dear Ghoul

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tfw you forget how to write fluff b/c this fic is a constant stream of angst
> 
> many thanks to my beta because i pester him about this fic a lot. also, he has to listen to me scream about how bad i am at writing fluff. you're the man, Aiden!
> 
> Recommended Songs (does anyone actually listen to these or what):  
> Talking to the Moon- Bruno Mars  
> Afire Love- Ed Sheeran

 

 

Bokuto exhales.

Akaashi's eyes lids flutter to a close as his breathing evens out. Now, with his office all quiet again, Bokuto hears the too loud thumping of his heart in his ears and hopes that Akaashi won't wake up from it. 

He would laugh at anyone who would have told him that he would eventually get to see Akaashi again after eight years of thinking that Bokuto had died. He would have rolled his eyes at the idea that one day, they would be sleeping comfortably, Akaashi's head on his chest as they're smothered under a large blanket. 

But it's real. It's real and Bokuto wants dearly to stop time and just...appreciate this moment, because Akaashi has been nothing but a cactus towards him, keeping him at a certain distance. However, it is protocol. He's a ghoul, Akaashi is a human, and they're never meant to be together.

Bokuto strokes Akaashi's hair. It's long enough to be pulled back into a short ponytail at the base of his neck, nothing like the soft waves he wore when they were in high school. He'd missed him like a man in a desert starved for water. It gnawed on him to the point where he has to hold his breath in sometimes and walk into the hallway to breathe in some other air that's not full of Akaashi's smell. His hunger scratches his stomach.

It's a good thing the CCG keeps him well fed.

He lets his fingers run through Akaashi's hair lazily, staying clear of his injured arm. He almost feels sleepy despite having already napped for a good three hours. Napping was how he was able to keep away from the Aogiri for a long time. Whenever he wasn't finding food or sleeping, he was on his feet, taking the trains and wandering around Tokyo, keeping his distance from other ghouls.

Akaashi sighs against his collarbones, curling closer like a cat seeking warmth. Bokuto wraps the blanket tighter around them. He rests his head onto his pillow before studying Akaashi's nose and the scattering of fading bruises on his face. He ponders how someone like him, who is made out of broken memories strung together by a loose thread can be so powerful and strong. How a person who has known losses still knows how to smile and live.

" _...Kou..._ "

 It's soft, and Bokuto's heart jump starts like horses responding to a starting gun. Akaashi's mouth is open, his cheek mushed onto Bokuto's chest and Bokuto nervously swallows, waiting with a bated breath at what, he doesn't know. He's just waiting for something.

Akaashi doesn't speak again, and Bokuto falls into a trance-like sleep where he's stroking Akaashi's hair while he dreams.

 

 

 

He's normally not a very affectionate person, but when Akaashi opens his eyes drowsily to scan his surroundings, he recognizes where (or more specifically,  _what_ ) he's sleeping on. The ghoul snores softly in his ear, blowing puffs of air that ends in a purring sort of noise at the end before inhaling once more. By Akaashi's internal clock and the lack of sunlight outside his windows, it's still night.

He's warm to the point of sticking his feet out of the pile of blankets, but the hand curled against his hip is preventing him from stretching the muscle, and Akaashi finds that he doesn't really mind his current position right now. All he knows is of warmth and Bokuto.

 

 

Akaashi smells eggs when he wakes up.

He raises a hand to the soft rays that managed to pierce the thick snow clouds to shine on his face, shuffling to stick his legs out of the cocoon of blankets. Kageyama's desk is tidied up, trashcan empty as Akaashi pulls on a very old Fukurodani sweatshirt and runs a hand through his bed head. The sizzling of oil and click of utensils along with a light humming through the room causes him to walk carefully behind Bokuto, who has an apron tied around his waist, wearing a white tee as he scoops some eggs onto a plate.

Bokuto turns, messy bangs falling into his eyes as he quickly smiles, "Morning," He points Akaashi's table with a spatula, "This pretty lady came by your office this morning for your medication refills. Kiyoko I think her name was?" Akaashi opens his mouth in shock because if Bokuto read the label he'd easily find out what medication and what was actually wrong with him.

"Did you-"

"Nope. I don't really see why I should read the label." The ghoul replies, popping the P. "I'll be finishing the sausages soon, you sit tight."

A rush of emotion hits Akaashi as he stands there, rooted to the floor as Bokuto goes back to the pan, this time frying some sausages and whistling merrily. He pats his cheek, where it had been resting on the ghoul's chest the entire night. It feels oversensitive and tingles at lightest touch. His cheeks feels hot.

"Breakfast's ready!" Says the chirpy half-ghoul, guiding him to the couch again, where Bokuto slides the plate of eggs and sausages before bringing along a bowl of salad. Akaashi is still thinking about the three bottles of medication that were delivered to him as Bokuto chatters, "I don't know what you eat these days, but you look thin, so eat up! I didn't burn anything down this time."

Akaashi looks down at the eggs and sausages that manages to invoke a growl of hunger from his stomach. He presses his lips in embarrassment. The still soft yolk slowly oozes onto the plate.

He had momentarily forgotten what his life was like. For a fraction of a time, he woke up  _happy_. There was no curling hate towards himself in his chest or an instinct to immediately busy his mind. He asked himself when was the last time he had anything other than his medication for breakfast and Akaashi found that he doesn't know the answer. Bokuto pours him a cup of coffee, going a little overboard with sugar and cream as the liquid inside turns beige.

All his thoughts spiraled from there, how they would be currently if ghouls never existed for them, what their lives would be like if Akaashi had gone to Todai like he was planned to. How Bokuto would never be ghoul. How his family would still be alive. How Akaashi would never be an investigator. How he would never be reduced to a title he hates and bottles of medication. How he wouldn't be a murderer-

"...It doesn't smell bad, does it?"

Akaashi sharply looks up from the grease accumulating on the surface of the sunny side up to Bokuto's eyes. They're too bright for him, and he clears his throat and says sleepily, "Pardon?"

Bokuto's eyebrows are creasing. "It's been a long time since I made eggs, but I don't think I burnt them. They  _look_ okay to me. Smells bad to my nose though."

"No, no," Akaashi hastily says, cutting through the yolk with a fork and scooping the drippy mess into his mouth. "It's good." He says, chewing the egg and feeling like tears will swim in his eyes again if he even so much as thinks of the last time he had breakfast cooked for him. He can hear the ghost of the morning news, his father flipping pancakes and his sister reading a book at breakfast, humming, before the scene in his head vanishes. 

His voice is thick when he says, "It's good. Thank you."

Bokuto studies him for a moment, before carefully moving forward. He maintains eye contact with him, moving with deliberate slowness to allow Akaashi time to say react before sitting right next to him, knees grazing together as he can feel the heat radiate from Bokuto.

The ghoul relaxes back onto the touch, smiling. Akaashi's ears picks up on the light gold color from Bokuto's voice. "You're welcome."

Akaashi catches his cheeks flaming into pink in the reflection of the metal salad bowl, and he promptly whips his attention back to his food, trying not to chew very loudly. He watches his reflection fight a smile until his cheeks hurt from not smiling.

"Aha! There it is," Bokuto angles his neck to grin directly at Akaashi, "You smiled!"

The ghoul investigator raises an amused brow. "I  _do_ smile. Occasionally."

Bokuto grins, small laugh lines appearing in the corner of his eyes. Akaashi feels his cheeks turn warm again. "I'm glad I made you smile, though. What are we doing today?"

"Hm? I was thinking of going out and getting Kageyama some of his favorites. A meeting for the special investigators is at three, but other than that I'm free..." He lowers his plate down. "Do you want to go to town with me?"

A long pause. "Wha- Really? I can?"

"Why not?" He reasons. "It's a good day today. No snow whatsoever." Akaashi smoothly stands up from Bokuto's lap to put his plate in his sink, watching the ghoul grin from the salad bowl reflection.

 

 

Akaashi sticks his head into Ushijima's office cautiously.

"You called, Director?" Ushijima's intern is nowhere in sight. A cluttered table and a sleeping monitor with an empty cup of tea are the only clues that someone was there recently. Ushiwaka looks up, eyes unnaturally grave. Akaashi normally can't tell the difference between his blunt expression and the one he has when he pokes fun at Oikawa without meaning to, but Ushiwaka frowns at him and gestures him to sit on the chair in front of his desk- which he never does. 

"Sit."

Akaashi sits, and fiddles with a napkin he'd snagged from a ramen house earlier. Kageyama's eyes had lit up when he woke up to find Akaashi and Bokuto at his bedside with a large amount of unhealthy snacks that they had to smuggle past the nurse. After that, while Kuroo watched Bokuto, Akaashi grabbed ramen with Suga and Daichi before being summoned.

Ushiwaka finishes signing a report before sighing.

"...I don't know how to say this."

Akaashi can only frown, he hasn't done anything that would aggravate Oikawa or Ushiwaka. As far as he's concerned, all his reports have been handed in time. "What is this about?" 

The Director looks at him. "Do you think ghouls and humans can be together?"

Akaashi's blood runs cold as he stands there, rooted to the floor.

"What...?" 

"...I knew your history with him. You two were in a relationship when Bokuto Koutarou was killed." Ushiwaka recounts as Akaashi starts shredding the napkin in his hands. "You asked me what my mindset was to allow the ghoul to be put under you. I had no say in it. My dad did... strangely enough he never told me the reason why, but I'm telling you now to back away before you get too attached, Akaashi."

He curls his upper lip in the beginnings of a snarl. "What happens between the ghoul and I are  _none of your business_." The Director never had to face the life of a ghoul investigator. Ushijima Wakatoshi never had a comrade die in a missions. He was one of the rare few that never went to private funerals. He never had a mentor died on him, or lost any of his family members- he's as lucky as they come by.

"You  _cannot_ ," Ushijima stresses, "be selfish and put us in a precarious position-"

Akaashi stands up. " _Precarious position?_ " He nearly shouts, venom lacing his voice as Ushijima leans back to look up at him. Whatever remains of the napkin he'd been ripping to pieces floats down towards his shoes. "Suddenly  _I'm_  the one who's selfish? I've lost my family, coworkers, and mentors! That's the opposite of being selfish! All I have known is losing people! I don't know what I'm about to lose next- whether it'd be Oikawa because of his reckless tendencies or Kageyama, or if Cochlea is going to be breached again!  _You have no right to say I'm selfish!_ "

"Sit down, Akaashi!" Ushijima hisses back, eyes hardening. " _Can you really be honest with yourself and agree that humans and ghouls can be together? Ghouls are monsters! They killed your parents and our friends! Do you want to spend your life with a monster like that?"_

A sound of porcelain shattering breaks Akaashi out of whatever he was going to say next. Ushijima and Akaashi whip their heads towards the door, where Ushijima's intern stands, knees shaking as his mouth opens and closes. A bundle of folders lies on the floor, drenched in tea as he takes a step back, " _Oh-_ _Oh my god_ -  _I-I'm so sorry-"_  

Akaashi turns back to Ushijima, eyes livid. "I won't let the ghoul or you pick whatever path I want to walk down." Passing the intern, who bows profusely to him as he walks out of the Director's office, he grits his teeth hard enough to feel his molars grinding together and the ache in his jaw to causes him to massage his cheeks. It's not until he's in the safety of his room, with Bokuto next door at Oikawa's office that Akaashi collapses on the couch, breathing hard as his mind spins.

Fury races along in his body, igniting anger Akaashi hasn't felt in a long time. His fists clenches for something else to destroy, and he spots a magazine before reminding himself that it's Kageyama's. Nonplussed, he grabs a pair of work-out clothes before staggering to the gym, making a beeline towards a sturdy punching bag that has endured his emotional fits of rage and distress.

Everyone treads around him like he's a temperamental bull with a penchant of striking anything red in his range of vision. Ushijima thinks Bokuto is going to make him weak. How dare he think that Akaashi doesn't know the consequences of being together with a ghoul. It's not common, but he's heard of news plastered around town. Oikawa even had to report on the large case of a university student dating a ghoul. The public had been  _horrified,_ so much that no one felt safe wandering around the campuses for fear that ghouls lived among them.

Akaashi leaps back, running forward and jumping to twist his legs around the dummy. The head of the dummy snaps off with a loud crack that sounds ominously like bone breaking, and it rolls around on the mats as he pelts the chest and waist area of kicks and punches, wishing that the dummy would  _fight back-_

"Akaashi?"

He slowly turns his body to the doorway, watching Bokuto curiously come closer to him, before stopping a few feet away and assessing his state. His hair isn't even tied back into the stubby ponytail he usually has it in. His knuckles are flaming red and the majority of the gym is empty because Akaashi had scared them away.

"...Should...should I go?"

Akaashi breathes out, walking to the head before shoving it back onto the dummy. The cheek dents inwards, made from the force of his earlier kick. "You can stay, but if you do, I want you to fight me."

Bokuto blinks, an unreadable expression on his face before he shrugs out of a sweater. Akaashi looks at the bandage on the inside of Bokuto's elbow, rushing forward with his teeth clenched.

Bokuto nearly falls on his back, but manages to block Akaashi's leg with his forearms. "Did something happen?" Akaashi spins to strike the ghoul's shoulder with a hook kick but ends up on his back as Bokuto makes quick work of his limbs to pin him down.

His blood is still boiling, and he sees his furious expression reflected in Bokuto's eyes as he lifts the ghoul off him to throw him like he had with Hinata in the snowfield. Bokuto rolls into a ball, stopping and dodging when Akaashi comes after him with kicks and punches, hands thirsting to be violent. Now Akaashi understands Kuroo's and Oikawa's tendency to smoke, and how he craves for the fire in him to die down so he can control it.

"Something." He replies tersely to the ghoul, ducking as Bokuto takes a swing at him and bending the ghoul's thumb back until Bokuto opens his mouth in response to the pressure Akaashi's applying. Akaashi lets go of his thumb and sweeps Bokuto's legs from under him, tugging him upwards at the last moment so his head doesn't slam against the mat. Bokuto rests against the mat as Akaashi stares down, bangs sticking to his forehead from all his pent up anger.

"...Not good I'm assuming."

"Nothing good ever comes out of being summoned privately to Ushijima's office." Akaashi snarls quietly, standing up and spotting quinques at the side of the gym. 

Bokuto follows his gaze.

His hands are still itching to hit something. "Fight me." 

The ghoul frowns. "No."

Akaashi is being unacceptable and he knows it. He pulls out a random sword and feels the unfamiliar weight settle across his palms before splitting the quinque into two shorter blades. If he can press Bokuto enough, the flight or fight response will overtake the RC suppressants just like how Bokuto went wild in Kanou's lab. Akaashi knows he's playing with a hungry lion here, but he's confident that he can keep the ghoul in check if Bokuto so much looks at him funny, after all, he thinks bitterly, it's what Ushijima wanted him to do, right?

"Akaashi! Stop being reckless!" Bokuto ducks as Akaashi nearly slices his chest. "You're not thinking properly!"

"Just fight me!" 

Bokuto glares at him, red veins popping out of his skin as Akaashi twists around. One punch hits him right in the chest and he has trouble breathing as Bokuto tugs him forward and throws him onto the mat, black leeching his eye.

The red pupil shrinks as Bokuto brings his face closer. Akaashi lifts his hips to allow his arms to be free, grappling and wrestling with the ghoul's limbs as a wall of RC Cells starts to poke out of Bokuto's shoulder. The ukaku wing feels smooth to the touch. "What happened?" The ghoul manages to get out, hands locked with Akaashi's as Bokuto tries to keep him still. 

"Nothing." He bites out harshly. Bokuto's antics of trying to calm him down is only making his rage build. It's irritating and all he wants now is to throw things across the room like a child, and Bokuto  _isn't cooperating_. He's supposed to attack him, like how every student in the Academy are dying to take the throne away from Akaashi's consecutive win of being one of the in best hand to hand combat-  _he's not suppose to calm him down when Ushiwaka had riled him up-_

"If it was nothing you wouldn't be so thirsty for blood to be spilled!"

Akaashi's temper flared, then as quickly as it came, his anger dissipates into something calmer he can reign in. Bokuto seems to sense the change, relaxing his hold as he hovers above Akaashi. Sighing, he blows the bangs sticking to his forehead before watching Bokuto. 

"Was I too harsh?"

"No," Akaashi says slowly, "I think I was looking for an excuse to get angry and I took it."

"At least you realized it. You're not this riled up are you usually?"

"I don't remember the last time I wanted to punch something this hard." He responds, still looking up at Bokuto. A tinge of pink hangs around both of their cheeks. Then, Akaashi realizes that the ghoul is shirtless, and fixes his eye pointedly away from the ghoul. "Erm- shirt."

"What?"

"Please put a shirt on."

Bokuto releases their hands, sitting back on Akaashi's leg and chuckling as Akaashi turns red like a schoolgirl. "Alright." The ghoul staggers to his feet, kagune shrinking as Akaashi watches his back muscles flex to wrestle the sweatshirt over his head. Akaashi goes to the water cooler at the edge of the room, sitting on the floor before the ghouls joins him.

The silent is nice. His skin feels cool to the touch, and he tilts his head up to drink more water when his bangs brushes his eyes and he swats them away-

"Are you dating Suga-san?"

Akaashi spits out his water, coughing and he quickly wipes his mouth. Bokuto gives a little jerk back when Akaashi whirls around him, face red as his voice hitches. " _What?_ "

"Crap! T-That came out of nowhere!" He babbles, hands up as Akaashi looks at the him with his eyes wide before looking at the wet floor, taking a paper towel roll from the water cooler cabinet to wipe the spill. "You must have dated right? You seem close to that Suga dude. Maybe Oikawa?"

"Oh, gods no. Not Suga-san. _Not Oikawa_. Oikawa was  _engaged!_  And he's my mentor!"

"Sawamura?" The ghoul asks, tapping his chin as Akaashi wipes the floor.

"Is happily married to Kuroo. Yachi has a little crush on Kiyoko. Nishinoya from mechanics is dating Asahi in Human Resources." He dryly replies. "Besides, who has time to date when you have to keep the public safe?"

There's a heavy silence between them as Bokuto really looks at him, making his skin prickle. "...So...you've haven't been dating all this time?"

"No time," Akaashi mumbles, "I was too busy concentrating on my goals. Preventing people from being eaten left and right. Slaying ghouls who have overstepped their boundaries. Keeping everything safe." He shyly looks at Bokuto's ears. "What about you? You must have, right?" 

Bokuto gives a chuckle that's slightly strained. "No, I was too busy trying to not get myself eaten and to remember that I don't want to hurt humans. It looks like we're both too busy..."

They fall into another short silence, both fighting to keep the blushes off their cheeks. Akaashi has a good guess of what the ghoul is trying to imply, even though Bokuto isn't exactly the best at being subtle. Their eyes meet again by coincidence and he has never seen the ghoul so red in the face, when he realizes the time showing on the clock and jumps to his feet.

Bokuto looks in confusion as he starts to speed walk in the direction of the showers. "I'm running late for a meeting- go to Suga-san! I'll come back when I've finished!" 

Akaashi takes the fastest shower he's ever taken. Half jogging to the conference room, he slips into the darkness that's broken by the large screen. Marude raises a brow when water droplets from his hair drips onto his reports. Akaashi thins his lips out as Ushiwaka's intern hands him a towel discreetly.

"-Did you do what I asked you to do, Akaashi?" 

For a moment, Akaashi thought Ushijima was talking about their earlier conversation, and was about to bite back with a less-than-polite comeback before he sees the report he'd typed a day or two earlier in front of him. He slides it to Ushiwaka. "I did. Bokuto Koutarou's kagune matches with the Non-Killing Owl that was captive in the lab. It can be said that the experiments we fought were...what he would become if his operation wasn't successful." His stomach curls inwards as he says that. 

Ushiwaka looks at him, pinning Akaashi with a gaze.

Akaashi stares right back. 

"Alright..." Ushiwaka goes around the table, updating everyone what happened in the other wards. Kuroo is told to go capture Eyepatch's sister, and just as Akaashi's about to leave with the rest of the investigators, Ushiwaka clears his throat quietly. "Akaashi...can you stay?"

"Of course." Ushiwaka looks down at Akaashi, dark eyes tightening. 

"...I'm not going to take back what I've said. But I...respect you well enough to know that your decision will be smart." Then, surprisingly, because Akaashi, in all his five years of working with him never sees his face soften, he smiles a little. "You're an asset to us."

He studies the plush carpet under him, mumbling a quiet thank you. Akaashi isn't used to being praised. As a mentor, he's the one giving out praises, and now, receiving one makes his toes curl inside his shoes.

"Before I forget," Ushiwaka continues, "Once Kuroo captures Eyepatch's little sister, I want you to look into her. Question her about how she's connected to the Aogiri and Eyepatch's involvement."

Akaashi looks at his hands. More specifically, the ring finger. A sudden idea popped into his head. 

"Akaashi?"

"Director, you owe me, don't you?" He asks quietly.

By the pursing of Ushiwaka's lips, he doesn't seem all the pleased that Akaashi remembered their promise. "I do."

"One favor, Ushijima, that's all I ask," Akaashi says. 

"...Well, what is it?"

Akaashi lets his eyes wander around the room, thinking about how happy he was to wake up earlier that morning to find Bokuto's warmth at his side, legs in close contact, skin flushed. He thinks of how broken Oikawa is, and how he owes his mentor a happiness that Akaashi had taken away from him. It's only right for him to return it since he was the one who took Oikawa's happiness away from him.

"Please..." He mutters, "Please let Oikawa see Iwaizumi-san."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> erm at least i end it on a somewhat good note? (ALSO. WE ARE NEAR THE END OF THIS FIC AHHH) i think it's gonna end at chapter 22 but i haven't planned that far ahead yet


	19. My Dear Iwaizumi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so chapter 159 of haikyuu came out and i saw the bokuaka love child aka semi eita and i flipped out. if you've been following me on twitter you probs saw me yelling about him. (i also drew and colored a picture of him when i was suppose to be working on the bokuaka kurodai hogwarts AU but -shrugs-)
> 
> this is the chapter most of you have been waiting for, where iwaoi gets their act together and meet again. i strongly suggest listening to Sleeping at Last by Turning Pages because that's THE iwaoi song for me. ok i'll stop talking so you guys can read!
> 
> Beta'd by the swag fortifiedacorn who had to read three drafts of this chapter

 "Akaashi!" Oikawa cheerfully snags his student around the waist, the aforementioned scowling when he jams a Santa hat on his curls. Oikawa stops and steps back, assessing Akaashi's face because there is something  _definitely_ different about him, aside from Akaashi having his arm brace off- "Oh! You finally cut your hair!"

 

Akaashi runs a hand through his short curls, quirking one side of his mouth into a grimace before pulling down the hat. The short curls now brush against the tips of his ears, and Oikawa has to blink a few times because Akaashi actually has a very photogenic face now that he thinks about it. "I did."

"Who cut it for you?"

Oikawa watches, fascinated with how Akaashi's neck turns a bright red. He opens his mouth and closes it a few times, before he whispers,"...the ghoul." Then Akaashi glares a little at him, as if challenging him to say something scandalous about it, which he does.

" _Oh my_ ,  _Aka-chan~_  Don't be too in love!" Oikawa deflects Akaashi's scrutinizing gaze and waves an airy hand, "You know, the Christmas Party is today! If I were you, I'd get ready to be festive and sing Christmas carols and eat a lot of cake! Oh, hello, Kou-chan!"

Bokuto peeks out of Akaashi's office, eyes curious, as he holds a cloth in one hand. "What's up?"

Oikawa ignores the sharp ache in his heart at seeing the ghoul sidle up to Akaashi's side like he's always meant to be there. They look good together in a sense, contrasting yet balancing each other in ways that Oikawa envies. He plasters on a fake smile, "I heard you trimmed Akaashi's hair for him, Bokuto. It looks great."

The ghoul scratches his neck bashfully, "Oh, thanks! I cut Iwaizumi's hair all the- _ow!_ " Bokuto coughs, holding his ribs as Akaashi sharply elbows him in the side. Oikawa feels his smile slip off a degree, and the ghoul finally clues in before inhaling sharply and apologizing. "Oh...um, I'm... crap, I'm so sorry-"

"It's fine, ghoul-chan. Don't worry about it. I'll see you later tonight Akaashi!" With a slightly less energetic wave, he spins on his heels, taking him to his large and empty office, closing the door behind him and collapsing onto his couch.

The half-ghouls have been in the care of the CCG for nearly a month already, and in that time span Oikawa had only seen Iwaizumi for a grand total of one time- when he and Bokuto gave themselves up to the CCG.

And he hadn't even gotten a proper look at him. Among Akaashi being transported out on a stretcher to the truck and the scientist milling around him for kagunes, he'd caught a brief glance of the Aogiri mask in Iwaizumi's hands before they were ushered away. Throughout the week, he's been walking aggravatingly up and down each hallway, trying to see a glimpse of him because there are a thousand questions that he wants to be answered.

_How did he turned into a ghoul? What happened to him? How did the Aogiri managed to get his hands on him? How did he survive all these years? Why didn't he tell him he was alive? Why did he continue to live like a ghoul? Why did he only show up now? Why why why why why-_

Out of a habit he wants to break, Oikawa reaches for a packet of menthols. 

The smoke settles around his room, and he stands up to open the windows, shivering when a gust of snow blows directly into him. Oikawa is glad that Bokuto has Akaashi occupied, since his student has a knack of sensing when Oikawa is going to start chain smoking from stress. Akaashi has even thrown his pack into an incinerator one time, hissing about how they destroy his lungs.

"...What a worry wort..." He mumbles, watching the small figures scurrying on the sidewalk, heads covered in bright caps with a fine layer of snow sticking to them. Oikawa spots two children rolling around a snowball at a nearby park, inhaling when he remembers how he used to be so carefree and young before the ghouls attacked. Just him and Iwaizumi, puffed from the multiple layers of sweaters, barely moving in the snow that's up to their necks. He remembers how he used to fall onto the snow on purpose so Iwaizumi would haul him up, and they would fall back down together, laughing.

He's not laughing now. Instead, he's thinking of paying Suga a visit-  _anything_  to take his mind off the chill in his throat and hands. Oikawa closes the window again, before putting out the menthol and bringing along with him a pile of cases he needs to drop off anyway.

A lot of people in the hallways says hi to him, excited for the annual party where they have a night to forget about the stress and let loose. Every year, Akaashi has managed to wiggle his way out from the dance floor to stand at the sides, boredom etched across his face as he watches his seniors get drunk. Oikawa always seemed to turn up on his couch the next morning, head pounding with a killer ache with Akaashi handing him a strong cup of coffee. 

"You don't look so cheerful," Suga says as he walks in. The research office is mostly empty, save for Daichi reclining his chair all the way back, snoring away in a corner with a large stack of papers cleared to one side. Oikawa arches an eyebrow, and Suga sighs, "Ushiwaka's been giving him a lot of things to look over lately- mostly the Quinx's progress. Arima has a whole cart of binders dedicated to him in Ushiwaka's office."

Oikawa sniffs sourly. "I thought  _I_  was the one Bakawaka reports to for the Quinx's progress." 

Suga shrugs, looking at his empty cup before standing up. "You've...been looking under the weather lately. We didn't want to burden you, so Daichi and Akaashi offered to take some of the load for themselves."

"They  _what?_ " He asks in disbelief. 

"They offered to take some of your fifty-something folders of paper work so you're not too bogged up. Akaashi was off duty until his arm healed, so it's a no-brainer, and he wanted to help you anyway. Daichi's a little worried how you look so exhausted these days."

"Yeah?" Oikawa mumbles, dropping into a plastic chair as Suga clears up his work space a little. "Tell that to Ushiwacow."

Suga gives him a small smile, "Still with the nicknames, hm? I thought the animosity would die off a little."

"Tell him to stop being such a cow," He grinds out. "He's still keeping me from what's going on around the wards. I hadn't heard of them capturing Eyepatch until the meeting yesterday when Akaashi presented his case, nor have I heard of Kuroo hunting for Eyepatch's sister. Speaking of half ghouls, where is Eyepatch?" 

"Isolation cell." Suga presses his lips together. "...Do you want to see him?"

Oikawa has a few hours to spare before making sure that the ballroom they're using tonight for the party is all decorated. "Why not?" They both quietly exit the office, dimming the lights to leave Daichi snoring in peace before making their way to the elevator.

"How is Akaashi?" Suga asks quietly, "I heard he had a spat with Ushiwaka after he secured Eyepatch."

"I wouldn't know." He answered tersely. "I don't know what's happening these days. Arima hasn't been updating me about the Quinxs, and Ushiwaka has deemed it fit to give me a silent treatment, and my student is...you know. Suffered from an arm fractured in many different places, had his boyfriend who was dead come back to life, nearly lost Kageyama, and had to deal with Kageyama on a hospital bed... I hope he's alright." He adds in a very quiet voice as they drop to the sub-basement floors.

They don't speak for a while, Suga leading him forward, looking like he wants to say something, but doesn't quite know what to tell him. A steel door faces them with two guards, armed with Q Bullets, standing at either side as Suga pulls back the sheet of metal covering the little window reinforced with wires.

Oikawa peers in, frowning when he sees Eyepatch shackled to a chair. His bright orange hair has been reduced to an oily mess that turned a slick russet color. There are bruises clustered around his mouth, blue and purple like the veins showing up against his pale skin. Eyepatch whips his head up, kakugan active as his red pupils shrinks before he starts to trash against the restraints, mouth opening in a silent scream. Strings of saliva are scattering on the ground as he shakes his head, moving forward and jerking the chain enough to cause Oikawa to stumble back.

"W-Why is he shackled? What did Ushiwaka say about this?"

"No food. No water. No contact until they figure things out from the orders above." Suga grimly says, looking to the side before sliding the little window shut. "Kuroo nearly lost an arm putting the restraints on him. We've been pumping CRC gas into the room, but the ghoul's metabolism burns through them quickly. No one wants to go near him now."

Something dark and cold in Oikawa flutters to life. He can only imagine Iwaizumi in Eyepatch's place, kakugan flickering as his tan skinned is kissed by the heavy metal, eyes heavy and dark. The once legendary ghoul exterminator Iwaizumi Hajime, reduced to a half-ghoul shunned by both ghouls and humans. It's disgusting. It's not fair, and he clenches his fists. " _Why is he kept like this?_ " He chokes out in anger.

"Protocol." Suga whispers quietly.

"This is stupid, I'm going to give Ushiwaka a piece of my mind!" He turns, heading back to the elevator. "And while I'm on it, I'm going to give him my thoughts where he can stuff his opinions about Iwa-chan! Did you know that he hasn't told me where he is? It's been one month! One month, Suga! Why is he preventing me from seeing him? I'm...I'm his..."

_What is Iwaizumi to him now?_

For his entire life, Oikawa has only known of Iwaizumi. He clearly remembers a summer in the country side, tall grass around them as the sun burns their skin overhead. How the cicadas sang, and Iwaizumi, covered with band-aids, smelling like sunblock and the sun itself. He knows of the first lonely nights in the Academy dorm room, both of them feeling like aliens in their too large beds and Oikawa clutching onto Iwaizumi's shirt, sniffling into his friend. 

There wasn't a time in his life he could remember being apart from Iwaizumi. The shorter boy was always there to rub salve onto his knee before wrapping it. Iwaizumi was always there, from the training days where Oikawa wanted to conquer Ushiwaka, to the day where they collapsed onto their couch, diploma sitting in front of them. He was there. He ran to Oikawa and kissed him in front of everyone after Oikawa had a close brush with death. He was there when both of them were promoted at the same time, Shinohara basking in fatherly pride as he shook their hand and told them that they were official investigators from now on.

He'd always been the person to ground him. His other half, the yang to his yin. The sun to his moon. The Amaterasu to his Tsukiyomi. The knight to his king.

And when the Aogiri took him away, Oikawa had never felt the wound left by him heal properly.

Now it's open again.

 

He reeks of more menthols, but he couldn't care less since he'd slapped on an alarming amount of aftershave prior to him exiting his office. Oikawa walks in the direction of the gym, making sure that Akaashi isn't going to run away from tonight's festivity. He can't wait honestly. Between the stress of his work load on top of Ushiwaka's problems, he needs something stronger than the weak champagne they serve tonight.

Idly, he fixes the collar of his dress shirt, running a hand through his hair before peeking into the empty gym, save for two figures in the middle, one holding a large target and the other kicking it.

"Akaashi!" He calls, watching the two figure stop to spin towards his voice. "Get rea—"

_No._

"—dy."

Iwaizumi blinks at him, sweat trailing down his forehead as Akaashi's dark eyes flickers between them. Oikawa feels like lightning has rooted him on the spot, legs turning numb as all the blood in him rushes downwards. He wants to know why Akaashi is with Iwaizumi, and why Iwaizumi is out of his isolation cell, and why nobody has told him where he was. Iwaizumi lowers the target, revealing a soaked tank top and a pair of gym shorts that must belong to Akaashi, and Oikawa hungrily looks into his face, looks into his dark eyes and the curve of his lips and the bridge of his nose- 

Akaashi taps his shoulder, moving close to murmur, "Merry Christmas." before vanishing into the locker rooms.

Oikawa pitches forward before hearing the thump of the target drop and holding onto a well muscled arm. He looks up, and Iwaizumi is looking down at him, the rough pads of his fingers clenching his dress shirt tightly to leave wrinkles, drawing him closer before Oikawa brokenly whispers-

" _Where were you all this time?_ "

Iwaizumi stares at Oikawa in shock, and Oikawa freezes up. That's not what he wanted to say. Eventually, yes, he has questions, but he doesn't want to talk about it right now-

"I'm sorry." Iwaizumi lowers his eyes, "I'm sorry I didn't say anything-"

His breathing quickly becomes labored, the pain in his chest growing until it feels like his heart is trying to twist itself in his rib cage. " _You were alive this whole time?_   _You weren't dead? Did you know how I was after I saw your body stopped breathing?-"_

" _Oikawa!_ "

_"How- how Akaashi had to lift me from your corpse because I didn't want to leave you? How they had to knock me out because I was fighting to get back to you? To retrieve your body?-_ "

" _What good would it have done?!_ " Iwaizumi raises his voice to match his, red veins jumping out of his skin in aggravation. It's the first time Oikawa notices the fine creases that are lining his eyes and forehead. It looked like Iwaizumi bulked up and leaned down at the same time, cheeks looking sunken in as he tightens his shoulders. He looks worse for wear, new scars lining his forearms and shoulders. There's pain in his eyes as well. "What  _good_ does it do, Oikawa?  _I'm a ghoul_."

Oikawa always had dreams where he could have tugged him back behind the ranks, put himself in the front with Akaashi instead of Iwaizumi. He knew that Akaashi wasn't entirely responsible for causing Iwaizumi's death, but there was always that  _what-if_  factor. " _Maybe I wouldn't had to live like your death was partly my fault? Because I could have pulled you away from him? Maybe I could have changed the attack formation? MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T BE A GHOUL RIGHT NOW?_ "

"I CAN'T WALK INTO THE CCG AND INTRODUCE MYSELF!" Iwaizumi shouts right back at his face, brows angrily knitting into an expression Oikawa knows so well that it makes his heart twist. "FOR BEING A FORMER INVESTIGATOR, USHIWAKA WOULD HAVE ORDERED ME TO BE KILLED! I WORKED FOR THE CCG! THE AOGIRI COULD HAVE TORTURED ME TO EXTRACT ALL THE INFORMATION!"

"SO YOU DIDN'T CARE ABOUT ME? YOU DIDN'T CARE THAT I WAS SLOWLY TURNING INTO THIS?-" He points to himself, and sees the anguish in Iwaizumi's eyes, raw and revealed as he takes in the dark shadows and the bruises underneath his eyes. Oikawa spent six months sitting in his office, fingers poised over the keys of his piano and failing to play because the joy in his life has been taken away from him. He turned into a skeleton, living off medications of all sorts, losing weight, refusing to come out and ignoring his friends. Most of all, he blamed himself. "YOU NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT TELLING ME?"

"Of course I did!" Iwaizumi argues back hotly. "I wanted to tell you where I was! That I was alive, but I couldn't!-"

"WHY NOT?!" He shrilly asks. "WHY?"

"Because I'm the very monster that took away everyone's family! I'm a monster that hunts the weak in order to survive. I can't put you in danger! I couldn't come back. If Owl or Tatara knew about you they would use your to manipulate me to do whatever they wanted. That's why I tried my best to hide from the Aogiri! The Law states that any humans who protect the identity of a ghoul will be punished!" He snaps his head up. "Don't you  _understand?_  I'm a half-ghoul! We are not accepted!"

"So what?!" Oikawa shrieks, "I don't care if you're a ghoul or a half-ghoul! You're still Iwa-chan!"

" _Oikawa!_  Get a grip! I  **eat** humans-"

" _I don't care! I just want to be with you_!"

Iwaizumi's eyes darkens and the next thing he knows, Oikawa is pushed into a wall, Iwaizumi pressing against him. He breathes in, and Oikawa watches as black pools into Iwaizumi's sclera and a single, brilliant red eye is boring holes into his. His heart rate accelerates as he sees the tips of a rinkaku poke out of Iwaizumi's shoulders.

"I could  _kill_ you." Iwaizumi states harshly, gesturing to the loose, but firm grip he has on Oikawa. "I've been fighting ghouls for the last four or so years. My physical power will overwhelm you. I eat human flesh to survive. I kill other ghouls and humans. Am I still your  _Iwa-chan?_   _Look at me Oikawa! Look at me and tell me I'm still the same!_ "

" _You are!_ " He shouts. "I don't know where you're getting the idea that you're not the Iwa-chan I know, but just because you have a kagune doesn't mean you're one of them!" Iwaizumi's glower deepens, and Oikawa takes a deep breath, exhaustion lacing his voice, "Why are you resisting? I...I just want... I just want all of us to be happy again."

Iwaizumi drops his loose hold on Oikawa, stepping back, jaw clenched.

"I don't want you to be hurt."

"You're not hurting me!" Oikawa wants to shake some sense into him. "You're not going to hurt me, not right now and not in the future... So please." He reaches shakily for Iwaizumi's hand, "Come home, Hajime."

Iwaizumi looks at his hand for a moment, before looking up, eyes tired. "Oikawa, do you really want a ghoul like me?"

"Half-ghoul. You're a half-ghoul, and yes! I want all of you! I want my best friend back! I want to drink coffee with you, go on dates with you again, read reports together, work out at the gym together, tease Tobio-chan and Akaashi together! I want to make lava cakes with you and hug you. I want to wake up next to you, lying in before we have to get up. I want to cook with you, wash the dishes together and have bubble battles with each other. I want to spend Sundays cleaning our office and going to the ramen house with everyone for dinner. I want us to walk down Shibuya and watch you as you buy flowers for me, and I want to receive them again. I want to spend every moment of my life with you.  _I miss you_." Oikawa rasps.

He can see Iwaizumi's mouth opening and closing. The expression on his face is torn between wanting to punch some sense into him and hugging the hell out of him, and he watches as Iwaizumi locks eyes with the dog tag dangling from his neck.

"...You still kept it after all these years." Iwaizumi says in a tight voice.

"Of course I did." He replies softly, looking at the rings and the sentence stamped on the inside.  _Illis quos amo deserviam._ "Of course."

Iwaizumi frowns, hands fisting at his sides. He looks torn between two decisions, and Oikawa reaches his hand forward, willing him to reach forward as well, because they're two pieces of a puzzle that fit perfectly with each other. That's how they've always been since they were little. They cover each other's weaknesses. Oikawa twines his fingers with Iwaizumi's, watching the burn of the kakugan soften, black receding until he's staring into Iwaizumi's gentle ones. 

Oikawa wraps his arms around Iwaizumi's waist as the half-ghoul sighs quietly into his neck. His heart clenches, and Oikawa digs his nose into Iwaizumi's shoulder, breathing in the scent that he's known for nearly all his life as he breathes out. Iwaizumi's hand is warm against his waist, and Oikawa's mouth skims his ears, feeling the pulse jump as a reminder that Iwaizumi is alive. 

Oikawa cups his jaw a little, leaning in for a kiss as Iwaizumi tugs him closer. Somehow, Oikawa finds himself relaxing slightly, warm pooling to his stomach and opening their mouths when Iwaizumi jerks back and hurriedly wipes his mouth.

"...Iwa-chan?" He furrow his brows.

His fiance looks at the ground, grunting bashfully, as he scratches the back of his neck. "...You smell good now. I have to be careful."

Oikawa blinks for a couple of seconds, before a giggle flows out of his mouth, and Iwaizumi is shooting him a scathing scowl. It's like old times again. Oikawa reaches forward to tangle his hand with Iwaizumi's, not missing the way the ghoul turns pink. He can't resist landing a kiss again, and Iwaizumi isn't eager to let go of his hand, and they break apart for air when Oikawa remembers what he came into the gym for.

"There's a Christmas party, do you want to-"

"-go to the party, or stay in and watch movies?" Iwaizumi finishes for him, a smile making its way to his face. "...I want to thank Akaashi- he's the one that changed Ushijima's mind, mind you, but we can leave halfway. I haven't talked to Bokuto in a long time either."

Oikawa tugs him to the showers, throwing a towel at him before going to his office with the promise of a dress shirt and slacks. They're around the same size, and when Iwaizumi finishes buttoning the buttons on the cuffs, they walk into the ballroom together. Oikawa waves to a few people, who take double, even triple takes at the person beside him. 

"It's funny to see them react this way," He croons to Iwaizumi, thumb drawing small circles on his palm. 

"What a sadist," Iwaizumi dryly replies, looking around at the over-decorated place and grimacing at the gaudy ice sculpture of a swan as the center piece of the room. His scowl lessens when he spots Akaashi in his usual corner, standing near the orchestra with Bokuto holding a mug of coffee instead of a flute of champagne.

"Aka-chan!" Oikawa zips to his side. Bokuto perks up when he sees Iwaizumi, and they clap hands as Oikawa lowers his voice. Akaashi's dark eyes looks at him curiously, pale skin highlighted in a dark blue dress shirt. "...I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I'm sorry, I'm terribly sorry for blaming you about Iwaizumi's death. I  _knew_ it wasn't your fault, I god damn fully knew you weren't at fault but I was so angry-"

"Oikawa," Akaashi stops him, dark lashes full. "I understand."

"But I've—" he grits his teeth, "—I've been a terrible mentor to you, shutting you out, smoking on my own devices, being a hypocrite, blaming you for something you couldn't control—"

"'What matters is that you owned up to it'," Akaashi cuts in quietly, scratching his chin. He fiddles with his wristwatch, and Oikawa catches the glint of Iwaizumi's quinque strapped to his belt. "That's what Arima-san told me on the first day when I was under his mentorship. I know that you don't forgive yourself easily, but I... I felt that the death was my fault. He wouldn't have died if I wasn't so thirsty for Owl to be dead."

"...Akaashi..."

"So, to answer you," Akaashi continues, looking up, a boy-ish grin curving his lips, "You're welcome, Oikawa." He hands him a drink, and motions Oikawa to look at the people smiling on the dance floor. "Thank you for the party... I never appreciate how much effort you put into this for all of us."

His heart feels like it's going to burst. Akaashi has forgiven him. "M-My little kouhai is all grown up!" Oikawa mimics a tear falling out of his eyes, and Akaashi rolls his eyes to the ceiling as Kuroo sidles up to their group with Daichi in tow. "Kuroo! My Akaashi is an adult! He appreciates all the hard work I put in parties!-"

"Although I don't mind you putting more effort into your reports, Oikawa." Goes Akaashi's voice. Iwaizumi laughs loudly, and Oikawa pouts as the orchestra finishes a tune. The dance floor is cleared once again, and the orchestra starts a slow waltz tune that Oikawa recognizes. He grabs Akaashi's hand and drags him on the floor with Iwaizumi and Bokuto, the latter protesting about how he has two left feet-

"You're terrible," Iwaizumi mumbles in his ear as Oikawa wraps his arms around his waist before placing his cheek on his shoulder. He smells like soap and sandalwood. "Evil schemer." 

Oikawa laughs at the redness on Akaashi's and Bokuto's face as they stiffly flutter their hands awkwardly, wondering where to place them before they decide on each other's waist. He smirks, "I love a good ending."

"Still a romantic sap, I see."

"You love it, Iwa-chan" He giggles, watching Ushiwaka step on Kiyoko's toes. Yachi is being twirled nearby by Tanaka, and someone has taken the time to dimmed the lights in the room to let the fairy lights in the room glow so that everyone's profiles is either half covered in darkness or barely illuminated.

Iwaizumi lets one side of his mouth quirk up, "I miss that name, strangely."

"What else do you miss?"

"...A lot of things. I miss missing out on Akaashi's promotion. I miss eating for one thing; I miss tasting human food. I miss coming home to you by my side and just...you in general." Iwaizumi quietly says, "I spent a lot of nights hiding from the Aogiri thinking of what you and Akaashi would be doing. I'm sorry I put you through the grief."

Oikawa shakes his head, their bodies nearly stopping to a standstill in a room full of people spinning. They're in their own little world, where the music can't touch them. Iwaizumi's spikes poke into his soft waves as they touch foreheads. He presses a kiss to Iwaizumi's cheek, "I'm just glad you're here now."

"...I'm back, Oikawa."

Oikawa laughs, whispering in Iwaizumi's ear as they continue to sway in their own bubble, surrounded by the people they love. "Welcome back, Iwa-chan."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how was the chapter?


	20. My Dear Agitation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just had my final choir concert of the year and i bawled like the baby i am at the seniors leaving. i'm not going to be okay next year when it's my turn
> 
> so, like essentially, i'm already finished the last chapter. except i'm deleting a large chunk to re-write because i got inspired by this song called Lux Aurumque that one of the chamber choirs in my school sang ovo it's pretty, go listen to it. Go, go!
> 
> (finals in two weeks. rip me)
> 
> Beta'd by fortifiedacorn/ Aiden

"Dead investigator?"

Kuroo solemnly nods, mouth pressed in a tight line as he pulls Akaashi into the hospital hallway. Inside the room, Bokuto looks worriedly at him as he sits beside Kageyama's bedside. Akaashi's normal morning suddenly spirals downwards as he stands there, at a loss for words. "He's in Kageyama's year, Kindaichi Yuutarou."

"How? We never even deployed any patrols in the 24th ward! It's too dangerous. Where was his mentor?"  

"His mentor was at the 1st ward doing monthly roundup reports. Kindaichi was attacked on the way home," Kuroo mumbles, before looking into Kageyama's bedroom before peering at Akaashi. There are heavy bags underneath his eyes, "I'd rather not tell him if I were you."

"I won't."

Kuroo nods, "There's something else as well..." He says cautiously, pulling out a plastic bag with a white note inside. "You won't like it."

Akaashi carefully takes the ziploc bag, looking at the card with black words printed neatly as a chill runs down his spine.

"' _You're next_.'"

"...We don't know what to make of this, but it seems like the Aogiri is challenging us. Ushijima is rounding all the investigators tonight. All half ghouls and Quinxs are to be in the building tonight as well, we're having a big meeting with all of them." Kuroo says, "...I don't want to jump to any conclusions but-"

"We're going to do another extermination?" Akaashi arches an eyebrow, giving Kuroo back the card before looking out at the snow plaguing the city. "I know. The Aogiri and the wayward ghouls have been too quiet for my liking." 

"...This one, we might not be able to get away unscratched."

Akaashi looks up at Kuroo's pale face, the pinched expression making his stomach curdle. Kuroo always has had something up his sleeves during missions, hence his nickname of the sly investigator. It's strange to see the fearlessness replaced with worry. "You're usually confident, what's all of this about? Is Sawamura-san worried again?"

"He's always worried," Kuroo grumbles, rubbing his head. "It's nothing. I'm just getting bad vibes from these past couple months- Iwaizumi appearing again, the existence of the experiments, Kanou's lab, the RC wall and the tunnel we never explored in the 24th ward; Eyepatch's capture and now a dead investigator."

"Exterminations are always tricky, but we've been to enough of them that I think we'll survive," Akaashi replies quietly. Kuroo looks at him with a sober glance. He's lying through his teeth and both of them know it. Special Investigators and their teams have an equal chance of being killed as anyone participating in the attack, regardless of their experience. 

Kuroo clears his throat, "Anyways... Yeah, be there at the meeting. I hope Kageyama's feeling better."

"Should he come as well?" He asks, just as Kuroo's about to turn around in the hallway.

"...No, we can update him later. See you."

Akaashi walks back into the room, oblivious to Kageyama's pout of missing the Christmas party and all the giant chocolate fountain. Bokuto is animatedly telling him of the events of the night with his hands, eyes glittering with laughter as Akaashi sits back down on the chair next to Kageyama's bed. His student was looking perkier, eyes clear of sleep as he gives Bokuto his full attention. 

Kageyama's doctor told Akaashi that his ribs would heal in a few weeks. Part of him wants the Aogiri to strike while Kageyama is bedridden so he wouldn't be hurt, but it's unlikely that will happen, Akaashi thinks as he picks a random string off a cushion. If Kageyama found out that he wanted him to stay in bed, well, he would have a fit.

"—Akaashi?"

He snaps his head up, "Hm?"

Bokuto's golden eyes blinks owlishly, "What did Kuroo have to say?" Kageyama pages through the morning newspaper, and Akaashi nearly wants to rips it out of his hands before he realized that Kindaichi's name wouldn't be printed until the next day.

"We're having a meeting tonight. Everyone is there." 

Kageyama slowly looks up, brows furrowing. "Everyone?" He echoes. Everyone was a term rarely used. Everyone meant that the situation is serious.

Akaashi shrugs, trying to maintain an air of nonchalance, "Ushijima likes to be dramatic sometimes."

Kageyama doesn't look convinced, but he lets it go, sinking back into his pillows as he yawns. "Thank you for visiting so often, Akaashi-san, Bokuto-san." His eyelids drop, "I appreciate it since you're busy."

Akaashi ruffles his hair, a small smile making it on his face, "Just rest, Kageyama."

"'Kay." 

They wait until Kageyama's breathing has deepened before leaving his room. Once outside with their scarves around their necks, Bokuto bumps his arm into Akaashi's left elbow. "What was that all about?"

"A student who graduated in Kageyama's year was found dead today. I didn't want to make him worry." He explains, "I was glossing over the big meeting. The Aogiri is challenging us, and I'm expecting us to plan an extermination soon."

"So soon?!"

"Don't you remember that we stormed Kanou's lab? The Aogiri can trace it back to us if they review the security camera in the house."

"Well," Bokuto dryly says, "I was thinking that they finally noticed that Iwaizumi and I have been missing for over a month, but I remembered that Hinata's gone."

"What does he have to do with the Aogiri? He looks a little too young."

"His parents were part of the Aogiri. Poor kid literally grew up with them breathing over his neck." Bokuto replies as they enter Akaashi's office. Akaashi immediately gravitates to the coffee machine to brew them something warm as Bokuto shrugs off his jacket, taking Akaashi's coat in the process. "He has a little sister. Her name is Natsu, and he loves her... a lot."

In Bokuto's mind, he's possibly thinking of how Akaashi coldly took care of Hinata. Akaashi hovers around his kitchenette until the coffee finishes dripping, pouring it onto two mugs before joining Bokuto on the couch. The meeting wouldn't start for a couple more minutes, and Akaashi lets his weight sink into the cushions.

Bokuto throws an afghan over their legs, and Akaashi misses his long bangs where he would only have to tip forward to hide his face from others. Bokuto sips his coffee thoughtfully, letting his knee graze Akaashi's.

"Is there a game on tonight?"

"Yes," Akaashi says, because he saw the schedule on Kageyama's desk of the university volleyball games that are televised. Todai was playing against Meisei if he read it correctly.  

Bokuto grins, the evening light illuminating the soft corners of his mouth. Time had done a good job on him, Akaashi slowly reflects as Bokuto tugs Akaashi's laptop towards him before typing in the search bar. The once sharp features Akaashi had touched have blurred. His eyes are softer, a more mellow amber than a sharp, right-at-your-face gold. His hair- the outrageous spikes that had taken Bokuto half an hour to gel each morning when they were younger are now swept back, leaving Akaashi to look at the shadows on his cheeks and feel his cheeks warm.

"For old times' sake?" 

"Of course," Akaashi says, before Bokuto carefully edges closer to him, propping the half of the laptop on each other's leg. The squeak of new court shoes on the orange court brings a nostalgic color to his mind; a time where black, white and gold ruled the prefecture.

"I used to entertain the ghoul kids by teaching them volleyball." Bokuto says, "They think I'm cool."

"I used to teach the students in the Academy the best technique for sweeping ghouls off their feet." Akaashi calmly replies, before he realizes what he was saying and tries to backtrack, "Wait-"

Bokuto smirks, "You do a good job of it." before turning his attention back to the game and drinking the rest of his coffee as Akaashi stares at him with a little more than a blush hanging across his nose. There's a little smugness radiating off of Bokuto, and Akaashi lets a wry smile spread.

Subconsciously, he tunes his ear to the adjacent room to his office, trying to listen if Oikawa and Iwaizumi are in. There's only a faint piano coming from the room next door, and Akaashi turns his attention back to the screen.

Ushijima had turned an ugly shade of red, before turning purple and white right after he suggested Oikawa meeting Iwaizumi. 

 

 

" _You're out of your mind!_ "

"Why are you so  **against** them meeting each other again?" Ushiwaka is glaring at him, a vein on his forehead becoming prominent as it bulges out. "You were in the same year as them- you've seen how much they love each other, right? You can't just keep Iwaizumi hidden away. Oikawa is going to find him sooner or later, and you won't be happy when he does and comes to your office screaming."

"They're ghouls!"

"So why did you let Bokuto into my care?" Akaashi bites out. "Why didn't you order me to leave? Why didn't you assign him to someone else?"

"Because you're clear minded and Oikawa works on feelings!" Ushijima growls, "That's how he works! He lets his feelings spiral out of control and take over him. His actions reflects his feelings and we can't have that. If one day we go into battle with Iwaizumi, and someone from the Aogiri finds that he's still alive and goes to kill him, Oikawa will likely intercept. And then what, Akaashi? He'll die."

"You think Oikawa is that  _petty?_  That he lets his emotions influence him like some beginner?" Akaashi incredulously hisses, "He's the man who orders us behind battle. He's a tactician! Without him, we would have fewer field agents! You're the one who appointed him as your second in command!"

"I don't want to lose him. He's a vital piece to the CCG. If Iwaizumi comes between him and us, Oikawa will choose him!"

"You're- You're so selfish! Are you that afraid that Oikawa will turn his back on the CCG just so he can choose Iwaizumi-san? Because I'll tell you something Director," He stands up, slamming his palm on the table. Akaashi doesn't care that he's screaming at the Chairman's son, that he's upping his boss and could potentially lose his title. "There are people Oikawa-san loves in the CCG, he wouldn't stab us in the back for Iwaizumi-san. He goes out of his way to make sure that each of us isn't left behind. He's compassionate and he tries to make this shitty world better by his own means!" 

"Iwaizumi-"

"Iwaizumi-san came back. He came back and he fully  _knows_ the consequences of returning to warn us. He knows that he'll possibly thrown into Cochlea returning here, but he still chose to anyway! Bokuto Koutarou came back with him even though he knew that I traded my humanity to slay ghouls! Both of them turned themselves in to give us an advantage over this situation! They're risking their lives just for us, Ushijima! If you can't see that, you're blind!"

They're both silent for a long time after that, Akaashi breathing hard, heart racing as if he's ran fifty laps around the track in the gym. Ushiwaka looks at the papers on the table, turning his mouth into a straight line.

"What are you so afraid of?" Akaashi had said, looking down at him.

"I'm afraid...of losing them," Ushijima says in a quiet voice, before rubbing his right hand. The metal prosthetic gleamed. It wasn't something everyone in the building knew, but Akaashi remembered when Ushiwaka had been a young investigator who needed an urgent blood transfusion to save his life, and Iwaizumi bravely volunteered. "I've lost my sister before I could even remember her. I'm afraid of losing my best men. My team. The people I see in this room everyday. I'm afraid of what comes next. I owe Iwaizumi something, but I don't want to give up my knight."

"Losing is part of life," Akaashi replies, feeling some vague form of pity, "Gaining is part of life, too. You have to believe that the people you know will try their hardest to survive."

Ushiwaka clenches his jaw, and lets Akaashi look down at him like some sort of lost parent. To the Director who still has both of his parents alive, and never attending a funeral for a close friend or mentor, Akaashi can only think what it's like to be suddenly put in the spotlight, to let two of his best chess pieces possibly be killed off.

Clear that Ushiwaka isn't going to budge from his brooding spot anytime soon, Akaashi begins to leave. Just before he steps out of the door, he opens his mouth, and turns.

"You know... for what it's worth, I think that they do deserve some sort of happiness in this terrible world."

Ushijima stares at him, gears in his head grinding to a slow halt as Akaashi bows in respect.

He's halfway down the hallway, feeling a little empty when he hears footsteps and feels the press of a key card being shoved into his hands.

"Go," Ushijima motions him, "I want them to be happy."

 

 

Akaashi walks into the big ballroom that had a giant swan sculpture and a chocolate fountain not 48 hours before. Instead of streamers hanging across the space, it's now filled with desks and chairs. He spots his name tag next to the other Special Investigators, and tilts his head politely to Shinohara and Kuroiwa, taking his spot between Kuroo and Oikawa. The Quinxs and half ghouls are sitting off to the side of the room, clumped together with two Associate Special Classes next to them.  

Ushijima walks to the podium, and they all stand, crossing their right arm over their waist before sitting back down.

"As you all may or may not know, the Commission of Counter Ghoul has received a challenge by the Aogiri after one of our Rank 1 Investigators, Kindaichi Yuutarou-san, was killed this morning," A few murmurs from the audience was heard, but Akaashi doesn't see any surprise. "Following the investigation, the kagune marks on his body matches Killing Owl's, a SSS Rated ukaku ghoul very well known to us."

Oikawa leans close to whisper, "Makes you wonder who Owl is trying to get the attention of, hm?"

"And so we are proposing a battle," Ushijima continues, "Every single investigator will participate in this, and I expect the Special Class and their squads to lead and prepare themselves. The CCG is fortunate to know about the battle prior, and we have no excuse to leave a single Aogiri member alive."

Unrest breaks out in the audience, and Akaashi sees terrified second and third ranks sitting in their seats, eyes blown wide with fear. He sees Amon, on the other side of the room, with his brows furrowed deeply. He sees his seniors look at each other gravely.

Akaashi sees Sawamura and the Research Team near the stage, Yachi looking in his direction with her eyes strangely glassy and biting her lip like she's trying very hard to not cry, as if Akaashi and Oikawa are going to die.

His stomach flutters.

"Your respective Special Investigators will be debriefed after this by me, and they will fill you in on all the details. If there are no questions, this meeting is adjourned."

Akaashi watches as Arima's hand lazily makes its way up. 

"Arima?" A few heads in the front row turn, amazement making its way onto their faces since Arima is never around in the building these days.

"Will we be using the Quinxs?"

"Yes. Is that all?"

No one responds. 

"Dismissed."

 

  
The eighteen special investigators all sit around a conference table, Ushijima's intern handing out thick folders and a stack of manila envelopes they're familiar with. The mint Akaashi took from Oikawa earlier is whizzing in his stomach, making him feel ill. 

"This is a suicide mission."

Ushijima looks up at Oikawa, eyes dark and angry. "What?"

"If we plan to attack on the date that's printed here," Oikawa points to his papers, finger tapping the bolded number, "You'll be involving the new graduates who have zero field experience in an extermination this large. Are you crazy?" 

"We need the numbers-"

"What we need," Oikawa says with steel in his voice, "Is to leave the first class and graduates to guard Cochlea, and let anyone else who is confident in their skills to be part of the hit teams."

"We can't spare them-"

"We have the Quinxs! And half-ghouls! Of course we can spare them!" Oikawa hisses. Akaashi meets Iwaizumi's and Bokuto's eyes across the table. "From your perspective, it sounds like you're willing to kill them just to win!"

"Oikawa-" Kuroo tries to budge in.

"No, Kuroo! This is insane! Everyone is involved! What if Headquarters is attacked? Why are we leaving Cochlea without any people guarding it? If some ghoul enters and breaks the automatic system, they're all loose! S and SS Rated ghouls will wander into the streets! Think of the public!"

"If that happens, the investigators stationed in every ward will take them out!" Ushijima argues.

"You're insane, Ushiwaka! Do you want to trade in more people who are less experienced just so we can match the Aogiri's numbers?"

"Oikawa."

His mentor snaps his mouth shut, turning to Iwaizumi, who's reading the debriefing material. The half-ghouls and Quinxs have been so quiet that everyone around the table turns to them, and Oikawa whips around viciously, " _What?_ "

"The public's safety is given to the Quinxs, each who has several lower ranked investigators with them. There are eight of us, enough to cover two wards at the same time. It'll work out as long as we carefully evacuate and plan where to put each Special Team," Iwaizumi says, "And if we're still using the old strategy, the first ranks will be distributed among all of the special class. Two special teams near each border of the wards. With that, all of Tokyo will be protected."

Oikawa flips to the page Iwaizumi is on, and reads the wall of text. By the time he's done, Akaashi sees that Oikawa looks somewhat relieved, but still wary.

Ushijima turns his head, "Are there any questions?"

They all look at each other, wearing varying degrees of unsure before being dismissed.

Akaashi is just about to call for his team to meet in his office when all the lights in the hallway suddenly shuts off, and a loud alarm is blaring through the entire building.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ovo  
> guess who broke into the CCG?


	21. My Dear Reaper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -runs around in a circle- F I N A L S W E E K  
> whenever i come out of an exam a little soul escapes from me.  
> FINALS ARE UPON ME OHMYGOD AND THEN I HAVE SUMMER SCHOOL. WHILE VOLUNTEERING AT MY MUSIC SCHOOL BECAUSE PLAYING CHORDS FOR EAR TESTING IS ALL MY SHITTY PIANO SKILLS ARE GOOD FOR.  
> i...i will go back to my textbooks wish me luck guys ; v ; time to lose a little more of my soul
> 
> Beta'd by the fab fortifiedacorn/ Aiden

" _RC Gate breached. RC Gate breached._ "

Kuroo drops his folders in the middle of the hallway, and Akaashi meets his eyes as the lights overhead flickers red, siren wailing throughout the floor. 

Then everyone starts to move.

" _SSS Ranked Fukuro has broken in. SSS Ranked Fukuro has broken in._ " All around, everybody is heading towards their offices, clamoring for their suitcases they've left in their rooms. Akaashi is halfway down the hallway when a hand yanks him back, and he sees Ushiwaka urge him to the emergency staircase.

A helmet is tossed to him, and he catches it seconds before it smashes his nose. Because of the lack of windows, the stairway is humid as they follow Oikawa's brown hair down the endless stairs. "He broke into the sub-basement levels." Ushijima quickly fills them in, holding his cellphone and handing Kuroo's quinque to him while passing everyone else in the staircase spare Q Bullets. Akaashi sees a few terrified interns as they reach the last level of the staircase.

" _RC Gate breached. RC Gate breached._ "

"Akaashi!" He snaps up, "You, Oikawa, Iwaizumi and Bokuto will go back up to the ground floor and prevent Fukuro from escaping there." Bokuto's sweaty hands find him in the darkness, and Akaashi sees the mild terror on his face. "Kuroo and Amon will take the sub-levels and Arima will take the upper floors. Everyone else is ordered to stay in here until the alarm is called off."

"Roger!"

Oikawa's long legs reaches where Akaashi is, their footsteps echoing loudly within the stairway. "He- Owl's going for Eyepatch."

He looks at Oikawa, surprised. "How do you know?"

"Eyepatch's being detained there. I saw him for myself- don't know how he knows that though." They stop at the ground landing before Akaashi kicks the door open, and they all fly out into the loud foyer, snow blowing in as a large hole in the floor to ceiling windows are shattered. 

They keep advancing forward, Oikawa, Iwaizumi and Akaashi splitting in a known basic tactic to spread out. Amaterasu is pulsing in his grip, and Izanami, brought over by Bokuto, is slung over his shoulder with a strap. The lights overhead have all been shattered, and what remains are emitting a red light in the otherwise pitch black room with sirens wailing.

There's a crunch of glass, and Akaashi sees a faint glow of red from the corner of his eyes, legs connecting with Bokuto to kick him away as Owl's plumage whips him.

He heavily lands in some snow that has slid into the room, ice venturing down his back as he looks up, and only has time to roll away as Owl's large form laughs over him. Its stomach is bulging outwards, as if it just ate someone. Amaterasu lengthens itself into a scythe, blade glinting from the streetlamps.

"We meet again!" Fukuro laughs gleefully, baring its teeth, saliva flowing out in great drops as the red pupils in its large sockets whirls around. It flicks Akaashi's quinque out of his hands easily like it's taking a candy from a baby. Amaterasu wedges itself into the snowbank a few feet away from him, and Akaashi grits his teeth, jumping up and  _twisting to reach Izanami-_

"Foolish! Foolish! How do you expect to defeat me without a quinque?" His body lands into the snow again, and he hears the whistle of metal before Oikawa's Tsukiyomi connects, and Owl staggers forward as one of its arms drops. Immediately, it regenerates again. Iwaizumi and Bokuto helps him up, and Owl peers curiously, before a fearsome grin stretches across its face. "You two came back to the human side, after all. I was right!"

"Give him back! Give Eyepatch back!"

Owl sadistically grins at Oikawa, red leeching from its mouth as it croons, "I'm in a hurry tonight, but I'll definitely play with all of you later." It dodges Akaashi's Amaterasu, and jumps into the night, going up the streets.

"Wait! Akaashi!"

Akaashi runs forward, legs sinking into the snow as Bokuto catches him. The half-ghoul's hands feel too warm on his skin, and he can only look helplessly at Owl's retreating figure with Eyepatch in his hold before it turns a corner and vanishes.

"Fuck," Iwaizumi swears, as the lights overhead turns from red to white.

Akaashi surveys the damage in the ground floor, and sees Ushijima running to them, tie loose around his neck. Oikawa comes halfway to meet him, already opening his mouth as a series of sentences are fired off. Iwaizumi gathers the quinques and little throwing knives that had bounced off Owl's hide as Akaashi clenches his fist.

There's a crunch of snow, and Bokuto carefully rubs one side of his cheek, breath mingling with his. "You have a cut," He quietly says, concerned.

"It'll heal," Akaashi bitterly bites out. "That's the second time he got away from me."

Bokuto helps him up, arm going around his waist as they limp to Ushijima. Akaashi looks down. There's a large chunk missing from Bokuto's thigh, but there's a cloud of red surrounding the tissue, and it's slowly regenerating on its own accord. "They took Hinata, hm?"

"What significance does Eyepatch have with the Aogiri other than the fact that he was raised by them?" Akaashi presses, collapsing on a snow covered couch on the side of the room as Aone runs around with blankets and a first aid kit to the wounded. With everyone gathered in the lobby, no one will see them in a corner of the room. "He doesn't look that strong to me. Rather, he's...unhinged."

There's a wince on Bokuto's face. "They experimented on him... He's... he's been through a lot of things no one should ever go through."

"For what?"

"I don't know." Bokuto wraps a blanket around Akaashi, standing in front of him as Aone drops off a few bandages and band-aids. Akaashi finally feels the adrenaline rush ebb away from his body, and feels the sharp sting of antiseptic on his cut as Bokuto presses his hands on his cheek to stick the band aid on. 

Oikawa comes into view, limping as Iwaizumi carries half of his weight. Akaashi looks at his knees, worried.

"Back to your offices. We're going to be debriefed a lot tomorrow. Try to get some rest, you two." With that, Oikawa and Iwaizumi limps away to Kuroo.

Bokuto extends his hand, and Akaashi allows his weight to be braced, heading for the long flight of stairs to the thirty-something floor before Bokuto picks him up, wordlessly, and starts to walk up.

"You don't need to."

"I saw you land on your ankle." Bokuto quietly says, his words strangely loud in the small space. "I got you."

Akaashi eases himself into the silence. It's then he noticed that Aone had passed him a fire blanket that reflects his body heat back to himself. The silver of it material reminds him of Izanami's grey case, and how if he had only run faster, he could have gotten Owl critically injured. The familiar tide of regret after an attack worms its way into him. If he had moved faster, struck harder, jumped higher, landed lighter-

Bokuto gently drops him into a bed, and Akaashi looks around at the white walls of a rest room. "This isn't my office."

"I'm on orders from Suga-san." Bokuto breezily replies, moving to the window to draw the curtains in. The soft, plush mattress is almost alien to Akaashi as Bokuto pats his pillow and pushes him down lightly. He watches the ghoul yawn, lazily cracking his neck before looking at the chair beside his bed. If he were to be honest with himself, Akaashi doesn't want him to leave even though it's ridiculous. They're clearly not going anywhere. Bokuto will be sleeping by his bedside and Akaashi should honestly really rest—

"B-Bokuto." He stammers, heart hammering in his chest as the ghoul innocently turns around with a smile.

"Yeah? Do you want water?"

Akaashi shakes his head mutely.

"Coffee? Hot milk? Pancakes?"

"...No."

"...Bed time story?"

Akaashi puts his face into his hands, drawing his legs beneath the blanket to hide himself before shoving his body on one side and flipping the blanket up.

There's a long silence, long enough for the heat to cool in his cheeks. Just as he's about to grit out a  _never mind_ , Bokuto shrugs out of his sweater, flicking the lights off and climbing into the cot. Akaashi is thankful that the room is dark since there's no way Bokuto can see his red face. The bed is larger than his couch, and it fits them snugly.

"Can I do something?"

"...Yes?"

Bokuto wiggles further down, looping Akaashi's arm around him as he rests his head on Akaashi's biceps. Bokuto curls up as best as he can, pulling the blankets up before turning back and giving him a smile heavy with sleep. "I hope you don't mind. It's comfier this way."

"Comfier..." Akaashi repeats, saying the word like it's his first time hearing it. Bokuto lightly hums, soft hair tickling Akaashi's skin as they listen to the quiet babbles outside in the hallway of everyone returning to their offices.

"...I notice a lot of investigators don't really go home," Bokuto mumbles. "Don't you have an apartment in the residence near here?"

"I don't like it," Akaashi says into Bokuto's ear, thinking of the dust clinging to his covers and the poorly stocked pantry and dark corners. His home never felt like a home to him. "My apartment is empty."

Bokuto is quiet again, and they both relax. In the middle of their breaths syncing together, Akaashi finds Bokuto's hand around his waist, and he slowly tugs on it, twining his fingers together.

They both dream of a simpler time. A time where they walked home together from Fukurodani, jerseys cool around their still sweaty skin as they heave their gym and school bags onto themselves. They pass a water fountain where they've run passed it on their warm up laps, watching the orange glow of the sun rise from the mountains. The mountains melt into a dream space where all Akaashi sees are the tunnels of Underground Tokyo, the sound of water rushing nearby as he runs for his life, eyes trained on Owl's grinning face. 

The split second he connects, Owl morphs into Tsukishima, who falls into his arms, blood splattering his hands. Akaashi, horrified, drops him, watching the wound on his body spread, the ever so vibrant color of red ooze thickly on the white floors. Tsukishima turns into Yamaguchi, who turns into Komi, who turns into Saeko, who turns into a blurry face of his mother, long raven hair pooling around her head like ink, who morphs into his father and ultimately his sister- glassy eyes staring right into him-

"—wake up!"

He fists the blankets as he opens his eyes, cold sweat dripping down his back as Bokuto's too warm hands grip his arm loosely. "Are you okay? You were shaking and saying things..."

"Pills." He forces out, stumbling out of the bed, "I forgot to take my pills."

The air in the hallways is cool to his feverish skin. Akaashi stumbles forward, turning a corner before opening his door, his bare feet padding the cool floors. A shake of the bottles on the small table by his bookshelf tells him which of them are empty. He squints into the labels, popping the lid and grabbing a mug before swallowing them.

The bitterness in his mouth is not from the pills, but from himself. He thought now that he'd had some kind of peace within himself, accepting Bokuto's true nature and repaying the debt he owed Oikawa, the nightmares would lessen.

Nothing ever seems to be that easy.

When he returns to the room, Bokuto is in the exact same position he left him in, on the same side of the bed, looking up at the ceiling as Akaashi slides the door shut. The bed doesn't look welcoming anymore, but he slides in, rolling to his side, facing away from Bokuto.

"What did I say?"

"Called out your sister's name and past students." Bokuto quietly says, "You kept saying 'no, not him, not him, not them' and so forth."

"...I've lost a lot of students in the two years I've been a mentor." Akaashi suddenly says out of nowhere. There is a weight on his chest and he finally wants to release it. "I tried my hardest to protect them, but I couldn't. I lost them... The most frustrating part is that they all thanked me before they died, they said that I was a good person, a capable mentor, and that they were honored to be put under me. Except I'm not," He hisses, "I'm not capable. I couldn't save them."

"There's nothing you could do about it." Bokuto's voice is mellow in his ear. Gold-bronze. "It's hard to be so helpless, but they know the dangers of being in this profession, Akaashi. Sometimes, things just happen for a reason."

"I just regret the silences I had with them. I wished I spent more time with them and less time on paperwork." Akaashi softly says, eyes fluttering to a close as Bokuto shifts, throwing a lazy arm over him and pulling Akaashi closer to him. Akaashi's back is enveloped with warmth, and he feels naked. If this is what love feels like, baring your soul to someone and handing them the power to crush your heart, Akaashi wouldn't mind at all.

"Have you been lonely these past few years?"

Bokuto hums quietly, lazily running a hand through Akaashi's short waves. "I was, but not now. I'm happy now. Happy now with you."

"Me too." 

That's how they fall asleep, Bokuto's arms looped around Akaashi's torso as he buries his nose into the line of Akaashi's neck. When they wake in the morning, they would find Oikawa smiling too widely at them, innocently tucking away his phone as Iwaizumi brings them a plate of breakfast and instructions from Ushiwaka.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is short, but i'm basically done the last chapter, and i'm telling you- it's 9K.  
> notice how i ended the chapter nicely here.


	22. My Dear End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aaHHHH IT'S HERE okay i'll hush until the end
> 
> go read go read go read

永らへば  
またこの頃や  
しのばれむ  
憂しと見し世ぞ  
今は恋しき  
  
  
  
  
If I live longer,  
might I look back fondly  
upon these days?  
Just as the past I once found bitter  
now seems so sweet.  
---  
  
 

(He never dreamed this would be the way he would die, lying on the ground with iron leeching the air)

 

A hard kick on his jaw snaps him out of his daydream. In the corner, Yachi gives a little yelp, running forward with a first aid kit as Iwaizumi, stunned, looks down at him. Akaashi stares back, thinking the same thing that his mentor is thinking of. He never zones out during practices. Especially not matches where the Ushijima and the Special Class are training with the Quinxs and half-ghouls sitting on the other side of the mat.

"I'm fine, I'm fine." He waves Yachi away, getting to his feet at the same time Iwaizumi takes his wrist and easily hauls him up. His jaw protests weakly as he shifts his mouth. He sees a golden gaze full of concern at the corner of his vision. Bokuto.

His former mentor pats him on the shoulder, cheeks slightly flushed from the sparring. Iwaizumi fans himself with Akaashi's borrowed shirt. "You can daydream later, but pay attention, yeah?"

"Yes, sorry about that." 

"It's fine." He shrugs, bouncing on the balls of his feet as Oikawa nervously steps up. Ushijima, sitting in a corner while taping his fingers, is tracking their progress as his intern scribbles away on his clipboard, jotting down notes. "Come on, Bratkawa, it's time to kick your ass!"

"Meanie!" Oikawa pouts, dropping into a defensive stance as Iwaizumi does a few jabs. Oikawa's smile is soon replaced with fear as Iwaizumi drives him into a corner easily, blocking Oikawa's half-hearted attacks. His eye starts to twitch and Iwaizumi mercilessly breaks through his blocks. " _H-Hey! Keep in mind that I haven't done this in nearly four years-!_ "

"All the more reason for me to get you in shape!" Iwaizumi huffs, catching Oikawa around the waist and throwing him onto the mat. Oikawa flattens like a pancake as Kuroo hollers, jumping to his feet and clapping. Akaashi face palms, and watches as Oikawa rolls over with a groan onto his stomach. He grabs Oikawa's hand before pulling him to his feet.

"Weak!" Iwaizumi barks triumphantly.

"Iwa-chan, you're such a brute! Not even Akaashi pounds me into the mat like you do!"

Iwaizumi fixes the tape on his finger, "I expected a few of you to be weaker, since I don't run training anymore, but  _you_ , on the other hand," He spins around to look at Oikawa pointedly, who's hiding behind Akaashi. "What the hell was that? Even the newbies lasted twice as long as you! It must be all the god damn menthols you keeps smoking!"

"No it's not!"

"Lies!"

"NEXT!" Ushijima's intern yells into a rolled up folder that magnifies his voice. 

Akaashi falls back with Oikawa as Bokuto rolls his shoulders forward and backwards, stepping up to Iwaizumi, who grins at him. 

"I don't know why we do this every year." Oikawa mumbles, sitting down as he crosses his legs. Akaashi peers down at him, seeing that the concealer on his neck has faded to show hickeys- Akaashi quickly averts his vision elsewhere. "It's not like the Special Class slacks off their training."

"Ushijima-san thought it would be a good idea for Iwaizumi-san to take charge of the training again, like he used to," Akaashi replies, watching Bokuto block Iwaizumi's punches with his forearms. Oikawa scowls, before cheering at Iwaizumi hooking his legs around Bokuto's. They scuffle for a few seconds, brows furrowing tightly before Bokuto worms his way out of it by back flipping.

Someone in the audience (Kuroo probably) whistles. That seemed to encourage Bokuto, and he lunges forward, veins creeping up the side of his eyes, twisting his body for a kick to Iwaizumi's head. At the very last second, Iwaizumi blocks it, the sound of muscles slamming into each other makes a loud slap. Bokuto uses Iwaizumi's arms for leverage, and Akaashi doesn't believe it, but he manages to land a kick with his other leg. Iwaizumi staggers back, holding his mouth as Yachi pales.

"Go Iwa-chan!"

Iwaizumi allows his kakugan to appear, and at the side of the gym, all the Quinxs watches with interest. Akaashi looks at Ushijima, who pulls out a napkin from his pocket to write notes. The half-ghouls movement's are quick, and all of their eyes follow the kicks and punches thrown. It's strange to see Iwaizumi relying on his lower half, and it's weirder to see Bokuto exchange blows, since Akaashi has only seen him on a volleyball court.

"...Suga." 

"Yes?" The researcher calls out, looking up from his clipboard. Iwaizumi gives a little strained smile.

"Do we have permission to let our kagunes out?" Akaashi looks at their shoulders and lower back, the skin rippling with the liquid muscle straining to come out. Bokuto and Iwaizumi are grinning, and Akaashi smiles at the obvious delight on their faces. 

Suga turns to Ushijima, who nods.

Iwaizumi's grin widens. Akaashi hears Oikawa suck in a deep breath as Iwaizumi's rinkaku unfurls like a flower petal from his lower back, the muscle flexing and hardening into four distinct claws. Akaashi has seen Bokuto's kagune up close, and it's no different from Owl's, except smaller in size.

"Binge Eater's and Fukuro's kagunes, I see," Suga whispers, sitting next to Akaashi with his clipboard, sleeves rolled up. Akaashi nods, watching Iwaizumi's kagune flex to block Bokuto's wing. "Bokuto's wing looks different from Owl's."

"It's probably the old man we saw in the lab." He mumbles. "All the experiments we fought have the exact same kagunes as them. Besides, Killing Owl is a cannibal, they're bound to have a lot more kakuhou sacks and kakujas instead of the usual kagune." Iwaizumi jumps, spinning in the air before forming a drill with his kagune. Bokuto is whipped into the wall, where the Quinxs all scatter when he slides down, clutching his stomach.

"Ow!"

"Sorry!" Iwaizumi gasps, running forward, "I thought you could block it, sorry Bokuto."

"Let's take a breather everyone," Ushijima's intern, who Akaashi finally remembers is called Goshiki, claps his hands. "We will return in the evening."

Akaashi crouches down, watching Bokuto's stomach knit itself up. It's fascinating and nauseating at the same time, and he sees Yachi across from him, eyes gleaming.

"Do you think they're indestructible, Akaashi?" She quips, eyes shining like Christmas hadn't just past. "Since they can regenerate to a certain extent, that means they're immune to just about every disease that impacts us, right? Do you think we can get some white blood samples? Ohhh, I wish I had enough grants to do it!" 

"You can talk to Oikawa?"

"I'll do that right now!" Yachi salutes, bare feet slapping the mats as she races to where Oikawa is flicking Iwaizumi's kagune. Akaashi lets out a short laugh when Iwaizumi uses all his tentacles to spike Oikawa's hair into disarray, the latter screaming in terror.

Bokuto casually leans his chin on his shoulder, and Akaashi can smell the deodorant off of him among the sweat. "So, are they like, back together now or what?"

"Don't know."

"Aka-chan!" Oikawa waves, "Come get lunch with us!" Iwaizumi has just finished lacing up his shoes, wiping the sweat that has collected on his upper lip as Akaashi slides his feet into slippers before setting off with the duo, Bokuto sticking to his side. Oikawa's office is the same as always, although the couch has been pulled to be a make-shift bed.

"Asahi from Resources gave me some cakes this morning from this new bakery," Oikawa says, opening the small fridge as Iwaizumi takes out some plates. Akaashi busies himself with serving enough water into cups as smiles as Bokuto stands in the room, a little lost until he gravitates to a bookshelf with old CDs and music scores. "Noya says it's really good, and who's to say we can't have dessert before a meal?"

Akaashi looks skeptically at the dainty little cakes, most of them having a chocolate art of a heart or ribbon. Iwaizumi pushes him a plate with a green cake on it. "Try it."

He puts it in his mouth, surprised when it actually doesn't taste like someone had whipped five bags of sugar into it. Akaashi doesn't usually like sweets, but he found that he can tolerate the green tea flavor. "Oh, it is."

"Right?" Oikawa nods happily, sticking his fork into his mouth while kicking his feet into the air. "It's so good!"

"You're going to get diabetes." Iwaizumi snarks, gulping his water with a smirk. "Don't you remember how angry your sister was when you had cavities from eating too much cake?"

Oikawa sniffs. He clearly remembers. "She's not here anymore. She's in Germany, and  _I'm_  a responsible adult who can restrain himself."

Iwaizumi mumbles a  _yeah right_  under his breath before looking at Oikawa's forkful of cake with a glint. He swoops down, closes his mouth around the cake, and chokes.

"H-Heimlich?!" Bokuto jumps up as Iwaizumi swallows and turns pale. "Throw it back up!" 

"Damn it. I thought I could stomach it..." 

"Iwa-chan what were you doing?" Oikawa shrieks. "I thought ghouls can't eat anything but flesh!"

Iwaizumi opens a bleary eye. "I've practiced enough to be able to stomach crackers and miso soup, but I think the cake was too much. Are you sure it's good? It tastes like expired milk with tomatoes."

"Just because you don't like tomatoes doesn't mean you have to compare everything to them!"

"I can't help it! Even agedashi tofu tastes awful to me! Imagine you eating your precious milk bread and feeling the reflex to spit it out of your mouth!"

Oikawa clucks his tongue, "Okay fine, geez, but if you're hungry you should have told me." Akaashi watches Oikawa pull Iwaizumi up. Iwaizumi stands next to him, calmly grabbing Oikawa's hand like how he used to do it back when Akaashi was still a second rank investigator. "Aka-chan, feel free to take some more cake if you want. Get some rest if you can."

"...Sure."

They both smile at him, hands clasped before they leave. Akaashi stares at the door a little too long, and looks beside him to see Bokuto eye the cake curiously.

"No, Bokuto-san."

" _I haven't even said anything!_ "

"Don't you think I'm not familiar with that look of yours." Akaashi chastises. He swallows the last bit of the dainty cake before washing the plates and sticking them on the drying rack. "I wasn't your vice-captain for nothing."

Bokuto's eyes twinkles. "Do you want to toss to me?"

"We have no volleyballs in the gym." Akaashi decides to leave out the bit where he saw Kageyama try to set a weight ball mean for exercising the first time he had insomnia in a good two years and walked around the building to tire himself out. The result was a few sprained digits and an icy look from him. "After the extermination, I'll buy one and set to you."

"Deal!" Bokuto whoops happily.

 

The promise of a new years brings a small cluster of the CCG out of the building a few groups at a time. Akaashi claps his hands in time with everyone before making a prayer.

"Iwa-chan~ Let's get matching charms!" 

"Disgusting. Please get this trash off me." Iwaizumi grumbles to no one in particular as Oikawa publicly hangs off his shoulders. Beside the still flower-less cherry blossom trees, Kuroo slyly takes a picture with his phone. Iwaizumi attempts to shake him Oikawa off, "Oi you shitty brat get off."

"Iwa-chan~"

"How old are you again? I could have sworn you're turning thirty-six this year, but you act like a five-year-old. Grow up, will ya?"

"So mean!" Oikawa pouts. Akaashi quirks his mouth up as Iwaizumi decidedly turns a few shades of red from their exchange. "You owe me four years of missed anniversaries!"

"...The pity I feel for myself is immeasurable."

"How rude!" 

Bokuto, dressed in one of Akaashi's bomber jacket he never knew he had until Oikawa ransacked his closet for something suitable for Iwaizumi, hands him an orange. He watches the exchange as Ushijima, complete with earmuffs, buys some fortune slips at a nearby stall. "You'd think they've been married for fifty years."

"They've been childhood friends since forever." Akaashi fills him in, his short fingernails digging into the soft skin of the fruit. "It's not surprising they're like this. Oikawa has always been clingy, and Iwaizumi-san probably feels very bad for missing all of their anniversaries, that he's letting Oikawa-san hang off him like a monkey."

"So blunt of you."

"The monkey part is non-arguable." Suga joins them with a bottle of sake wrapped nicely in his hands. "Did you get your slips yet?"

Akaashi holds up his. The characters for half blessing printed neatly on the top, "I did."

"You better tie that onto the fence." Suga smiles at the same time Ushijima calls everyone around to head back to the office. Akaashi feels like he's in grade schooler on a field trip, following the day care man. At least they're not holding hands. 

Akaashi walks up to Ushijima, "Sir, I want to visit the graves before we go back."

"I do too. Can I come?"

"What about Goshiki?"

"He can run the extra training by himself. Iwaizumi will be there." They're all going down the shrine stairs before Akaashi nods, shoving his hands into his pockets and drawing out the paper slip. He fixes it onto the wire fence as Bokuto walks over.

"I can't go back with you. I have errands." 

Bokuto looks a little bit sad, but he perks up, "No worries. I'll make dinner for you then."

"Thank you."

Ushijima is staring at him when he turns back after Akaashi finishes waving to Bokuto. Akaashi pointedly looks at the bushes before making his way through the city, snow crunching underneath his feet. They stop at a nearby flower store for an assortment of flowers and some incense at a corner store before making the long trek to the top of the hill. 

"Do you visit often?" Akaashi asks Ushijima, who looks at the mass of marble and stone with a wide eye. "Guess not."

"Looking at them feels... like I've let them down." He looks at the closest grave- Kureo Mado. "I don't... like to come here."

"The cemetery is not for everyone." Akaashi fills in as he crouches down to brush the snow and dead weeds off the tombstone. He plucks a pale pink camellia from the bunch in Ushijima's arms, blowing on his cold hands after he places the flower down. The frozen ground is too hard to support the incense sticks so Akaashi makes a mound of snow before lighting the incense. "But I do this to thank them of their service."

"Do you do this for every single one of them?"

"Wouldn't you?" He softly asks, "Wouldn't you honor their sacrifices and hard work?"

Ushijima is quiet. Then, Akaashi sees him drop to the grave next to his, pulling on his black gloves to brush the snow away. Ushijima blinks at the gravestone for a few seconds, and sighs.

"I remember why I don't like the cemetery," He motions to the gravestone. "My sister is here."

Akaashi glances at the name quickly, before redirecting his gaze away from Ushijima's sad gaze. "How old was she?"

"...She's not  _dead_ dead.... Just missing. We were quite young when she got separated. I can barely remember her." 

They work in silence after that, occasionally asking each other to pass a flower or the lighter Akaashi snagged from Oikawa's desk. The temperature continues to drop steadily, and by the end, Akaashi's thighs are frozen and he wants to take a warm bath, deplete the water supply for his floor and rest.

"You can do the last one," Ushijima says, standing up and clapping his hands. His nose is red and Akaashi shuffles to clear Iwaizumi's grave, looking at the marble and smiling. 

"Shouldn't we remove it?" Sweep the snow, pluck the weeds away, make a mound, stick the incense, place the last flower, and light the incense. 

"I'll tell Goshiki when we return." They look at the graves. Mado's incense stick has burned halfway, a small cloud floating up towards the sky. They walk down the hill before joining the rush hour of everyone hurrying home. "There's something I want to talk about to you, actually."

"What is it?" He keeps his voice clear of any emotion. Slightly disturbed, Akaashi wonders what Ushijima could be asking him to do. He's been doing that a lot lately.

Akaashi continues to walk forward, slowing stopping to see that Ushijima has stopped in the middle of the street. His mouth is turned down and he looks like Akaashi has personally betrayed him.

"...We need you to turn into a half-ghoul."

The bottom of Akaashi's stomach drops and he's convinced for a few seconds that Ushijima, the Director of the Special Class who never cracks a joke, is pulling his leg. But he sees the pressed lips and hands that are fisted by his side.

"Are you sure we should be talking here?"

"It's cold and everyone is rushing to go home. No one will care that we've stopped in the middle of the street." Akaashi looks down at the ground, watching the snow land around them. Ushijima's words have a ring of truth to them. It  _is_ cold and even Akaashi wants to go back to his office. Akaashi doesn't like his office as much as he likes listening to Tokyo's sound in the city, all of the colors blending into one great golden-green color. 

"Why?" 

"The... The CCG always wanted a mole to be planted into the Aogiri." Ushijima mumbles to himself. Akaashi sees him swallow. "Ever since Iwaizumi came back, we thought if we planted an agent in there and have them report to us, we can finally win the battle."

"It's too late to turn me into one isn't it?" Akaashi says with steel in his voice. There's a strange calmness in him, alongside anger. He doesn't know what to feel. "The battle is scheduled for tomorrow. The new graduates from the Academy are arriving for the big dinner tonight. They'll receive their assignments and meet with their squad after it. All civilians will be evacuated tonight and Tokyo will be a ghost town. And when dawn breaks, we attack."

"...The higher ups think the murder of Kindaichi was to gather CCG Investigators for their experiments." Ushijima whispers like he doesn't believe in the words himself. "It would make sense, of course. The Investigators have a better physique than normal humans, Iwaizumi survived."

"Did you not see the videos of the failed experiments?" Akaashi hisses. "There were hundreds in there! Hundreds of humans who were kidnapped and turned into experiments! The chances of me actually turning into a half-ghoul are laughable, Director! You can't even guarantee that I would survive! Did the Chairman plant this idea into you?"

Ushijima looks up, eyes full of shame. "It would turn the tide over if we have someone feeding us information." He then arches his spine into a bow, "Please, I'm begging you."

Akaashi feels his hands itch to hit something. A person preferably. The person in front of him. He'd just been reunited with his mentor who he thought had died under his mistakes. He'd just met Bokuto again. His life has been looking up and now Ushijima came to him asking if the CCG could turn him into a half ghoul- probably taking the kagune of either Iwaizumi or Bokuto and transplanting it into him. The CCG wants everything of him, and it's making him see red.

But he does want to win. He wants to stop exterminating and killing. Akaashi looks at his hands that have been painted red. His sister had said that they weren't the hands of a setter, and he wants to agree. He wants Ushijima to grow a backbone and refuse his father's orders. He thought that Ushijima was afraid of losing his men. Wasn't he one of his men? Why was Ushijima bending his will to his father?

Akaashi spins on his heels, walking away from Ushijima. He turns enough to be able to see Ushijima's crushed expression.

"You have no right to ask me to exchange my life to be a ghoul."

He leaves Ushijima and heads back to the CCG Headquarters.

 

"You found out, didn't you?"

"You knew about it before hand," Akaashi replies accusingly, watching the sky turn from black to midnight blue as he and Kuroo sits on the rooftop. "That would explain why Yachi had trouble looking into my eyes, and why everyone but Bokuto and Oikawa had trouble looking at me."

Kuroo takes out his testament letter, still blank. That's what they came out here for, to complete them before handing theirs in. Akaashi looks at the paper, not knowing what to write. When he was under Arima, he used to sit for hours on his desk, contemplating what to write before handing one in. Iwaizumi and Oikawa filled theirs with as many sentences as they can. The previous times Akaashi has filled his, it was empty and spoke of his general issues, who to pass his quinques to and who his property would belong to if he were to die. 

"Nothing to write?"

"Nothing," He replies, sitting down on the cold bench Kuroo had wiped. The sky is indigo now, and Akaashi can see beams of pinks on the horizon with large clouds gathering over the suburbs. "I've written so many of them I don't know what to write anymore. Shouldn't you...be with Sawamura right now?"

Kuroo looks up before shaking his head, "He's angry at Ushijima for suggesting that the CCG should turn you into a half ghoul. You know, I'm glad that this battle isn't big enough for the Chairman to direct all personnel onto the battlefield." 

"If that does ever happen, the CCG would be at a point past desperation." 

"Aren't you angry?"

"Of course I am!" Akaashi yells, watching a flock of crows fly past the building. Over in the distance, he sees some windows light up of early workers stumbling out of bed, going to work with a feeling of normalcy. How comforting it must be to wake up everyday knowing that they don't go into work everyday facing death. He clenches his fist tightly, "I just... Everyone is happy again, and he wants to take it all away from me. But I know that if we have someone on the inside, our chances of crushing the Aogiri will expand."

Kuroo continues to smoke his pipe, long curls of smoke furling out of the metal end. The wind whips his hair in all directions. Akaashi can hear the distant rumble of Japan waking up. "Have you signed Kageyama out yet?"

"..."

"...That's a no, I'm assuming."

"For once, I want to be selfish and keep him at Headquarters," Akaashi says, looking down. "I've lost many people before, I can't stand losing another one because I can't protect them. Kageyama would be a hundred times safer in the hospital, and I don't want to risk his ribs."

"You have the same reason Daichi has for wanting to keep me here." Kuroo blows smoke out. "He's deathly afraid-  _so_ afraid of me dying. He thinks that this is the battle where we all perish."

"...He could be right." Akaashi says in a low tone. "The entire CCG is going up against the Aogiri. They outnumber us."

Kuroo sighs, before turning to him with a sad smile.

"Thank you for listening to me."

"Thank  _you,_ " Akaashi says, "And if we do die today," He says, looking out into the city, now highlighted with orange from the sun peeking out. "It's been a pleasure, Kuroo."

Kuroo smiles at him, walking up to the railing to lean his arms on the metal. "You can go back. My team's stationed in the second and ninth ward. You should go first."

Akaashi hesitates at the door, looking back at the investigator. He sees Kuroo continue to smoke, his back outlined by the sun.

He turns and walks away.

 

  
He parks the motorcycle on the side of the dirt path before swinging his body towards the short pathway, snow brushing the sides of the stubby grass that managed to live through the cold. Akaashi bends down to the three tombstones, looking out at the view of the city, snow starting to fall from the sky lightly as he brushes the stone, revealing the names of his family.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," He says with a smile, sitting down before laying down some flowers. He goes through the same process of cleaning the surroundings like he did yesterday with Ushijima. 

"You look better."

His sister grins beside him, drawing her legs close to her chest. He watches as her skin grow less translucent. Idly, she holds up a hand to see if the snow would land in her palms. 

"I feel better these days."

Akaashi can feel his sister's heavy gaze on him. "...but you're not happy now. Is something wrong, Keiji?"

"...The CCG wants to turn me into a double agent by planting a kakuhou in me. I would become a ghoul, and feed the CCG information about the Aogiri until the CCG can shut them down." He explains, picking at a few dead weeds as his sister stills beside him. "I'm angry, of course. Everyone is happy again and Ushijima wants me to abandon them to become a ghoul."

"...Are you having trouble seeing yourself as a ghoul?"

"I don't know. All I know is that I want more time to spend with everyone." Akaashi numbly says. "I have people I want to protect in the CCG. I owe you to protect Kageyama since I failed you. I still need to protect Tokyo, and I can't do that by letting myself join the Aogiri and potentially eating and killing the innocent."

"You didn't fail me, Keiji. Sometimes, things just happen because they do." His sister hums. "Do you see what other type of help you'll be providing the CCG, though?"

"But...the procedure to become a half-ghoul.... Nee-san, you weren't there when we infiltrated Kanou's lab. There were hundreds of failed human experiments to achieve what? A few half-ghouls? I don't even know if I will survive. I'm not ready to die yet. Not yet."

She's quiet, extending her long pale fingers into the snow. "It seems to me you already know your answer then." A curious cat pokes its head out of a bush, and Akaashi looks at its eyes to see if it can see her. His sister makes a soft clucking noise in the back of her throat, extending her palms and waiting. The cat slowly moves towards her, "Although Keiji, try your best to stay alive, yes?"

"What do you mean?"

She looks at him, eternally condemned to appear to his face at the age she died, 19. She brushes her raven hair behind her ears, the strands brushing the tips of her shoulders as she smiles.

"It's better to be alive and being able to change things than to be dead. The dead stay dead." She motions behind him, and when he turns his head, he sees his mother and father, half transparent, standing in the snow. His legs are moving on their own as he expects his hand to pass through them like solid through vapor, but his mother suddenly becomes solid, and he feels a warmth bloom in his chest.

"Keiji." She laughs, hugging him, and he fists his hands in her blouse. He'd nearly forgotten what she sounded like, and he pulls back to look at her, to drink all of her features in. The crows feet at the corner of her eyes are still the same. She has his dark hair, but not the unruliness. She smells likes home and comfort to him, "How are you?"

He feels his lips twitch into a ghost of a smile.

"I might die today, Mother."

She looks back at him, something akin to pity on her face. "You've been so brave, haven't you? You've done so much...and we've been dead." Akaashi opens his mouth, but she cuts him off, "You have to try your hardest to stay alive, Keiji."

"Does it really matter, though?"

His father nods, "Of course it does. Being alive means you're fighting... It's hard to just watch everything and feeling helpless. A life is something you can't pay for, much like how you seek to avenge us." He ruffles Akaashi's hair softly, and he can see the tree trunks behind them. They're turning transparent. "We're proud of you."

"Dad?"

His mother clutches his hands, and Akaashi feels a whisper of a breeze on the cheek where his mother kisses him. "We're so,  _so_ proud of you. And I'm so happy you've found Koutarou again."

Akaashi reaches forward, fingers passing through their hands as his sister starts to fade away as well. The cat by her feet looks up in wonder as he desperately tries to hold onto the wisps of smoke. 

"Try to live, Keiji."  

His sister hugs him. For a second, he can feel her body pressing against him and the tears on her face. 

"I will."

She gives him a watery smile, and vanishes.

He stares at the sky for a long time, watching the snow fall and seeing his breath condense in front of him until the earpiece in his ear buzzes with Oikawa's voice. Akaashi hurriedly wipes the moisture in his eyes away. 

" _Akaashi_."

"Yes?"

" _It's time_."

"...Alright."

The earpiece goes silent, and Akaashi bends down to scratch the cat's head, feeling the soft fur on his finger before straightening up. The graves of his family look back at him, and he disappears into the undergrowth, retracing his footsteps back to where he parked Marude's motorcycle.

The ride back to the Main Branch was short, and when he pulls up, he sees his squad on the steps, mingling around with the rest of the special squads. He sees Kuroo and Daichi off to the side, the latter blinking furiously. He sees Yachi and Suga by the trucks that will transport them, not meeting anyone's eyes as they load quinques into the back.

He sees Oikawa and Iwaizumi standing next to each other at the top of the stairs, the former buckling Iwaizumi's armor with a tight expression on his face, like he's trying his hardest to not cry. His fingers fumble over the easy Velcro straps and Akaashi can see blood on the corner of Oikawa's mouth from biting his lip.

He doesn't miss the silver bands on their fingers.

"How come you're not wearing any armor?"

Akaashi turns to see Bokuto with his hands in the white coats they all wear, eyes dim of any happiness. Akaashi looks around at all the lower ranked investigators fiddling with their straps and hooking their quinque to their backs before looking down at himself.

"The quinques we have are our armor." He says delicately, like approaching a geyser that might burst any time soon. He sits down on the steps, motioning to Izanami's case beside him. "I've always wanted to know what an ukaku quinque is like. Thank you."

Bokuto grins at him halfheartedly, "Do all investigators turn all weird when they're about to die?"

Akaashi twists his lips up somberly, because it's true. "And if I say yes?"

Bokuto's face crumples, and he moves forward to kiss him.

Among the nervous crowd hanging around the entrance, concealed by the fact that Bokuto bends down to fit his mouth with his; they're hidden. Akaashi feels cold fingertips trailing along his jaw, tipping his head up. The kiss is familiar and unfamiliar. The feelings he has in his chest is stronger than what he'd felt when he was younger, everything is so much  _more_. Bokuto's hand move from his jaw to the nape of his neck, burying itself into his curls, brushing against his flushing neck and Akaashi allows himself to forget about the imminent battle. 

He pretends that the snow falling on them are cherry blossom petals, and that the stone stairs he's sitting on is a park bench. The sun is filtering down at them through the leaves, shadows splayed on their skin as Akaashi sighs a little, pulling on Bokuto's collar to tug him down further, slowly opening his mouth, knowing that this kiss couldn't make up to their lost time.

When they part their lips and move back, Bokuto presses his forehead against his. Everyone around them is climbing into their respective trucks, loved ones hugging and kissing before they split. Bokuto's eyes are burning, pleading as he cups Akaashi's neck, "You can't die," He says brokenly.

"I won't," Akaashi says harshly. "I don't want to die."

"Akaashi-san!"

It's Goshiki. Ushijima's intern stops in front of him, panting. 

"What is it?"

"O-Owl is in v14!" Ice creeps into his veins. "Squad Two and Three have encountered them. Oikawa wants you for backup." Bokuto is tightening his grip on Akaashi's hand, cutting off his circulation as Akaashi sees his team climb into the truck, fear suddenly jumping into his mouth.

"Alright." He forces out. Goshiki snaps a salute to him, closing the door when he climbs into the back. Bokuto laces his hands in the half darkness, and Akaashi doesn't comfort him.

He reminds himself that at least Kageyama will be safe, that his student will live after this extermination. At least he has a fighting chance.

Oikawa gives Akaashi orders through the ear piece as the truck moves through the empty city. Akaashi feels like his stomach is trying to come out of his mouth. He forces himself to swallow the bile gathering in the back of his throat. Bokuto has cut the circulation in his left hand and is sitting beside him, pupils blown wide with fear when the truck comes to a stop.

Then they're running towards the entrance of the underground tunnels. All around, the younger squad leaders are holding off Aogiri ghouls from getting in their way. The white snow is already painted red, and the presence of metal reeks the air, both from the quinques and blood. Akaashi moves forward to the front of his group, and he sends three members of his team rush towards the front lines to help.

The last thing he sees is the pile of bodies stacked off to the sides, white sheets covering them.

" _There's a tunnel ahead_ ," Oikawa says into his ear, as Akaashi enters the tunnel at a slow jog, " _Keep moving forward_." Akaashi decides to move ahead, and breaks off, running towards the hall. There's a faint rush of water from all around him, and his heart is beating wildly.

He might die today.

He sees Lev ahead, the investigator breathing hard as he holds his stomach. There are bodies around him of course, but Akaashi runs forward just in time to catch the taller investigator around the waist.

"...Akaa...shi-san..." Lev pants, blood dripping down the cut near his eyebrows, entering his eyes, "W-Watch...out."

Lev's eyes rolls into the back of his head, and Akaashi lowers him down, shrugging off his coat to cover the investigator before ordering two of his men to carry him back to the medic. Once Lev's unconscious body is thrown over someone's shoulder, Akaashi looks around at the large, circular chamber he's in.

"Where is he?" Akaashi asks, eyes flitting from side to side, looking at the white walls and the pipes that are above him. His hand goes to Amaterasu, sweeping over the place. There's nothing except for the bodies of Lev's fallen squad and splatters of blood on the ground. Clearly, Owl was just here moments ago.

"I don't see him..." Bokuto calls from the other side of the room, his eyes still golden. He has two short wing-like extensions coming out of his shoulder blades. "Is there another room beyond this?"

"No....If he's not on the ground..." Akaashi numbly says, tilting his head up, "Then he must be..."

The pipes at the ceiling ominously creaks with water rushing past them, inflated with the amount of precipitation falling from the sky and into the underground tunnels. Akaashi tries to squint past the shadows clinging onto the white beams, apprehension making his fingers twitch restlessly. Where is Owl? Did Goshiki lead him into a trap? Why wasn't Oikawa the one who paged him?

The ceiling suddenly breaks, dust and water exploding into the room, covering every inch of space with dirty snow and the remnants of the sidewalk. Akaashi holds his arms up to block it, coughing as dirt enters his lungs. He can't see five feet in front of him, and he chokes out, "Bokuto!"

"Here!" The voice is over to his left. Akaashi wipes the water dripping down his face. "I'm fine!"

"Stay there! I'll go find you-" Akaashi stops dead in his tracks. The dust finally cleared enough for him to see fifteen meters in front of him. Owl's monstrous figure, cloak covered with dust and rubble, rises out of the snow. It turns its great big head, red eyes cutting through the gloom as it finds him.

" _We meet again, Akaashi Keiji!_ "

"Bokuto! Run!"

"W-What?!"

Akaashi unhooks Amaterasu from his belt, running forward and twisting the quinque to activate it's offensive mode. Amaterasu meets Owl's arm, slashing it off as Akaashi slides underneath Owl's underbelly to the opposite side where he came from. Owl giggles, whipping its three wings so Akaashi has to duck, sliding back and nearly slipping on the still slick blood and water on the floor.

He jams his finger on his earpiece, "Oikawa, I've met Owl, engaging him now." Akaashi cuts his message short, jumping and twisting backwards to dodge the array of ukaku projectiles shooting out of Owl's plumage. He has to be careful, one slip in the water and he'd be a goner.

Akaashi charges, jumping up and twisting his arm back to unhook Izanami's suitcase and activating it in mid air. It explodes out of its container before sturdily expanding into a shield. Owl makes contact with the shield, and Akaashi is whipped into the wall, slamming painfully against the wall as a reminder how small he is compared to the SSS Rate ghoul. He raises Izanami up, the shield wide enough to cover his body from Owl's quills as Akaashi curls up behind it, gritting his teeth.

" _A new quinque... My kagune... Bokuto's kagune?_ Y _ou harvested a quinque out of Bokuto Koutarou's kagune?_ "

"Your point?" Bokuto yells, jumping into Akaashi's vision, his face half covered by a thick white mask, kakugan visible as he twist his shoulders to swing his kagune. His black shirt clings to his body from the wet snow. Owl grins menacingly, meeting Bokuto's kagune with its own wing. Bokuto looks tiny compared to Owl's kakuja body, it's large bulk nearly taking up half of the room. Akaashi can hear the battle on the streets from the hole Owl made in from the ceiling, and he watches as snow pours down. 

Owl snarls in reply to Bokuto, jumping back before shooting projectiles. Akaashi rushes forward, flicking Izanami up as Bokuto crouches slightly behind him. " _You fashioned a quinque out of his kagune!_ "

"It's a very good SSS grade material. Just what you'll be once we're finished with you!" Akaashi runs up, ducking under Owl's forelimb and sliding under it's belly before pushing Amaterasu's blade up. The metal sinks into Owl's flesh, and he dashes from under there before Owl can crush him.

" _Annoying pest!_ " 

"Same goes to you!"

Owl bares its teeth, opening its maw to show two rows of sharp-edged teeth before roaring in Akaashi's direction. Bokuto turns to him, bangs falling into his eyes, "Can you distract him?"

"Don't do anything stupid," Akaashi warns, darting forward and letting Izanami's tendrils wrap around Owl's forearms. Akaashi yanks hard, and Owl screeches as it over tips to one side, landing hard on the ground, mud and wet snow splashing everywhere. Before Owl can get up, Akaashi risks it. He goes in and cuts the forelimbs, jumping on Owl's shoulders and hacking away at the ukaku plumage beneath its shoulder blades.

" _You!_ " It roars, red leeching out of its mouth. Owl snaps Izanami's bonds, grabbing them by its teeth before flinging the shield and Akaashi attached to it up into the air. He flies, wind whistling in his ears, disoriented and about to fall into Owl's mouth when a heavy body hits his side, and Akaashi sees Bokuto land lightly, arms around his knees and chest.

" _Bokuto Koutarou!_ "

"Thank you." Akaashi gasps, moving forward at the same time Bokuto ducks behind his body. He raises Izanami in time to soften Owl's blow, but this time, the force behind it dislocates a ligament in his hand, and he grits his teeth. 

"Did you get hit?" Bokuto yells into his ear.

"I can live through it!" Akaashi presses his ear piece, the sound of Oikawa ordering troops for reinforcement around Tokyo becomes audible. "Oikawa!"

" _Akaashi! You idiot! You don't just go off line before-_ "

"Call for backup! My left hand is swelling and I can't hold him in."

" _Arima's on your way! Hold him there for as long as you can, but don't endanger yourself, is that clear?_ "

"Right, thank you!" Akaashi says, tilting his wrist away from the shield and instead bracing Izanami against his shoulder and forearm. Owl growls, teeth dripping with saliva and blood as the stumps Akaashi had cut away are regenerating slowly. It bounds towards them, two kakuhou sacks in its body bursting with two new limbs to make up for the ones Akaashi slashed off. 

Amaterasu falls out of Akaashi's slippery hand, and he grapples for it as Bokuto tugs him back, arching his backbone so his ukaku forms a cage around Akaashi. Owl's limbs smashes against Bokuto's ukaku, knocking them over. They roll over in the snow, coming to a hard stop as Akaashi is thrown to the wall.

He doesn't realize he's on his feet until he's crawled to where Bokuto is lying face down in the snow, mask brittle and breaking under Akaashi's hands. There's a projectile in Bokuto's eyes and mouth, and Akaashi urgently shakes his soaked shoulder, cold spreading in him. "Bokuto! Bokuto!"

"Gonna recover.... Give me... Ten." The ghoul weakly hisses past the shards, clutching the gaping hole in his stomach. Blood is gushing out like a fountain from his wound, and Akaashi doesn't see how he'll survive in ten minutes. Rather, he's trying very hard to not pick him up and run to the medics. "Or run. Run, Akaashi."

"Don't be an idiot! How can I leave someone behind to fend for myself?!" He yanks out two dog tags from his neck, forgetting that he'd put them on just before he left his office this morning. Up in the streets, the real world, the snow has stopped, and there's a faint light shining in as he shakes them in front of Bokuto, Yamaguchi's and Tsukishima's name and years of service etched on them. He thinks about the names on the lobby of the CCG, plaques upon plaques of fallen comrades they bow to every morning. He thinks of the funerals he had to attend, of the people around the gravestones, crying and sobbing, " _I owe them!_ " 

Bokuto's eye, his human one, follows it. The bleeding between his fingers is slowing, but it's not slowing down fast enough. Akaashi looks over at Owl, who's skin is bubbling as more kakujas pierces out. He rips open the pockets of his pants, searching and digging for bandages. Bokuto shakes his head in protest, and Akaashi looks at him.

"I can't die."

"I can't  _leave_ you here!"

"Owl is going to attack you anytime now." Bokuto winces as he raises himself into a half-upright position. Akaashi sees the skin around his stomach start to sew itself together. He looks up into the black hole that used to be Bokuto's eye. "This underground room is only several meters deep. I can throw you outside, Arima and his backup can retrieve me—" 

"Did you not listen to a word I've said? I'm not going to run away!" Akaashi growls, " _How could you ask me to run away again?_  I don't need any more protecting! I'm done with protected! The mentor shouldn't be the one protected!—"

Bokuto grabs Akaashi's collar and flips them, receiving Owl's blow. The half-ghouls flies into the wall, body making a large indent in the cement as he slides down, crumpling into a bloody pile far away from Akaashi. The ukaku and plumage poking out of his shoulder crumbles into nothing, and Akaashi is stunned.

And then he whips Izanami forward, his quinque latching onto Owl's face as he presses a trigger to send a large shock of electricity. Owl's kakugan whizzes in its socket before it screams, twitching as Akaashi runs forward, " _It tickles! Tickles!_ "

" _How dare you!—_ "

" _Get angry, get angry!_ _Become unfocused! It makes it all the more easy to defeat you!_ " Owl swerves out of Akaashi's path, shooting projectiles and batting Akaashi with its wings. Akaashi coughs as one of them pierces his thigh, hitting his nerves and sending him falling to the ground. Owl grins again, and Akaashi looks up at the large hole Owl had blasted through earlier.

Owl stretches its mouth into a grim smile, pinning down Akaashi's two hands and his other leg with projectiles. Akaashi fights it, moves his injured wrist fully knowing that he isn't supposed to, and bites on his own tongue to prevent the scream from coming out of his mouth. His finger jerks on its own, nerves damaged from the dislocation as Akaashi tries to wriggle free. He can't die yet. He still has to kill Owl, he still has many things left to do, he has to protect Kageyama, he has to protect Bokuto- Bokuto! Akaashi turns his head to look at the still body breathing shallowly.

" _Investigator, do you know the true nature of the CCG?_ "

Akaashi breathes out as he rips the wound in his hands more, blood matting the tips of his hair. He can feel it soak onto the black sleeveless turtleneck he's wearing. His dog tags glimmer on his chest, reflected by the light shining down onto him. 

He grimly smiles, hearing a faint set of footsteps echoing through the underground tunnels. One of the pillars closest to him reads v14. "To neutralize ghouls."

Owl draws back slightly, lowering its voice, " _Do you want to know the true motives of the CCG? The ghoul society is very interested in ghoul investigators-_ "

"AKAASHI-SAN!"

He whips his head towards the voice, ice traveling in his veins as he sees Kageyama bound up to him, coat flapping behind him as Akaashi looks on, horrified. Rin 1/2 and Roy is in Kageyama's hands as he stops, cheeks flushed. He looks at Owl pinning Akaashi down, and at Bokuto's figure slowly inching his way towards Akaashi, grey eyes blown with fear as he takes a tiny step back.

" _Kageyama, go back!_ "

"But!—"

" _This is an order from your superior! I'm not going to allow you to die here!_ " Akaashi yells, twisting his body as best as he can to glare at Kageyama. He wants to know who signed him out, who ordered him here because he knows that Oikawa is not stupid to order a newly released patient from the hospital to the front lines. Kageyama's posture stiffens. " _Go back!_ " 

Owl grins, and Akaashi tears his other hand away from the projectiles, unable to feel with his left hand as his right hand buzzes with pain. He takes Izanami's broken edge before hacking madly at the projectiles rooted to his thighs, finally shattering them as he watches Owl turn towards Kageyama. 

Akaashi wastes no time to think about what he's doing is exactly as the same of what Iwaizumi did, the mentor covering the student. He runs forward on injured legs, blood splashing against the pure snow and covering Kageyama, facing Owl. He meets the blow, feels the kagune slice his chest open and the warm blood messily dripping out onto the ground.

" _Akaashi!_ " Bokuto howls from the side, " _Akaashi!_ "

" _Akaashi-san!_ " Kageyama shouts, catching his body as Owl retreats, mouth pulled down. "- _no, no, no! Please stay!_ " He presses his ear piece, yelling into it for a medic team to come to v14 as Akaashi coughs, blood rushing up into his throat. His fingers prods the injury, and he feels his rib cage exposed, feeling the sturdy bone among the sea of iron leeching out quickly from his body.

Akaashi hadn't counted on Kageyama showing up, but he's glad he'd sent most of his men off back towards the main fighting forces above the tunnel, and to carry Lev out. Kageyama is ripping his coat into strips, eyes gleaming wet as fat tears rolls down his cheeks. The blood in his throat goes down his lungs and he gurgles out, "Kageyama-"

" _Be quiet, Akaashi-san! You're going to be fine! I'm going to staunch your bleeding and put pressure on it to prevent any further blood lost!_ " Kageyama cries, voice reduced to a tight whisper, " _The medics will be here soon. They'll be here soon. Bokuto- Bokuto-san is going to apply-_ "

"Stop it." He orders tiredly. Kageyama's grey eyes whips to his, but Akaashi searches for gold. When he finds it, he grasps Bokuto's hand with his useless left hand. "...Oi, take Kageyama and run."

" _NO AKAASHI! PLEASE! PLEASE!_ " Bokuto clutches his shoulder. Akaashi stops breathing, and his vision dims, " _STAY AWAKE! DON'T... DON'T FALL ASLEEP!_ "

" _Medic! MEDIC TEAM OVER!—_ "

The voices in his head becomes muffled, and his eyes begins to roll up. It's snowing again, the flakes coming down lightly as it dances through the tunnel. His heart is still continuously beating, although it's stuttering, missing beats as Kageyama clutches his right hand. Akaashi runs it through his hair, ordering his lungs to keep on moving as it becomes harder to hold onto his consciousness. 

He wouldn't complete his goal then. Someone else would have to slay Owl. Akaashi thinks of all the things he's accomplished. He graduated high school, became valedictorian in the Academy, was lucky enough to meet Owl three times before facing Death in the face, but he failed to uphold his promise to his family. 

_I'm sorry, Nee-san._

_"MEDIC! MEDIC OVER! OVER!"_

There are so many things he'll miss out on. Mundane things he took for granted like waking up, brushing his hair, stretching after a good work out, drinking tea with Kageyama, eating lunch with his floor, reading the old books that have been gathering dust on his bookshelves, cooking, walking around Shibuya and Akihabara for presents, watching Kageyama grow and mature, become old and wise. He wouldn't have the luxury to turn old and grey, watching Bokuto age along with him. His life is cut so short, but he made the most of it right? 

He forgave himself in time and for a moment he was truly in a happy place. Akaashi remembers what it was like to smile.

He feels something light on his lips, and flutters his eyes open to see Bokuto with blood smudged around his mouth, golden eyes leaking as he presses his lips on Akaashi's mouth again in what he thinks is a farewell kiss. Kageyama bows his head towards his chest, holding his hand with sobs racking his body as Bokuto brushes his cheeks repetitively, shaking his head as his screams falls on deaf ears.

Death feels strangely peaceful, like swimming. His body is floating through a cool space, and he loses sensation of his body. He's not sure when he'd passed, but he knows the last thing he says is,

" _Live, Tobio._ "

(The last thing he hears is pained howl)

 

 

 

Tsukishima, a trickle of blood coming from his mouth, "Thank you...Akaashi."

Yamaguchi, caressing Akaashi's face as he feels hot tears drip onto his student's cheeks. "Don't cry, sensei. I'm thankful for all you've done."

Saeko, falling into his arms, "Take care of everyone, alright?"

Komi, spread eagle, face relaxed in a smile.

Iwaizumi, running forward to push him back, throat ripped open as Oikawa cries over his dead body.

His mother, neck bent at an unnatural angle.

His father, limbs missing, glasses flung to the floor, broken shards around him.

His sister, dark hair a curtain, innards splayed out, glassy eyes.

Before he knew it, he's gone.

 

 

The weightless feeling in him wears off slowly. The voices around him slowly begin to take color. Reds, oranges, yellows, greens, dark blues, purples, greys, light pinks, heavy gold, tinkling aquamarine dancing in his ears, slowly forcing his consciousness to grasp his beating heart. He should be dead, but he isn't. He can feel the sheets underneath him, he can feel how cold his toes are, and he can feel the sure rise and fall of his lungs. There's a gut-wrenching pain in his lower back and stomach, but he's alive. To be able to feel pain must mean he's not dead. He's alive.

He can feel that someone has stuffed pillows on his lower back, propping him up into a half sitting position. Something good is in the air. The pain in his stomach intensifies.

His eyes snaps open, exposing a kakugan to the mirror across him.

 

 

_"_ _I'm not the protagonist of a novel or anything...b_ _ut if....for argument's sake, you were to write a story with me as the lead role..._ _It would certainly be a tragedy."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh before i forget, the poem at the beginning is from the hundred poems by hundred poets, number 84 by Fujiwara no Kiyosuke  
> (sara got me into chihayafuru)
> 
> i can't believe it's over.
> 
> a big thank you to everyone who has read this, to all of you for every single kudos, comments, bookmarks, reblogs and asks you've sent me on tumblr gushing about how much you love this! i can't believe it's now over 5700 hits. It's my longest fic (so far) and i can't believe this all came from a spontaneous decision when i didn't want to study my ap bio notes.
> 
> special thanks to aiden, my fabulous beta, who hopped into this angsty AU halfway throughout the story to beta it. can't do it without you man. also, i'm sorry for the tears i've put you through (i enjoyed your reactions to the drafts though haha)
> 
> (if you notice how this is part one of a series you are right I'M CONTINUING THIS)  
> except i'll write it once i finish my other 6 WIPs. I'll probably make a tumblr and twitter post of some sort. Be on the look out for that!
> 
> speaking of WIPs, i'm writing iwaoi tg AU in this universe. there's so much history between them i can create in this angsty universe ovo
> 
> thank you for reading this far~ i hope the ending was good C:
> 
> oh yeah i should add that i drew akaashi in a CCG uniform here (http://awkwardedgeworth.tumblr.com/post/121973896038/i-regret-those-shoulder-frills-his-skin-is-paler) thank

**Author's Note:**

> please tell me how you like it. i dont write angst so i dont know how good/bad this is...
> 
> Edit Sept 3/15: hello! I'd just like to direct your attention to this bomb playlist my beta made for this series! Listen to it here, http://8tracks.com/happytoorus/meet-me-halfway-home


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